r/doulas

We hired a night doula for our newborn and there's a few things that aren't sitting right with me.

We noticed she spends a long time out of the nursery while the baby is sleeping. We asked her to remain in the room as much as possible for room sharing/decrease sids. Last night she was out of the room (with the monitor) while the baby slept for 1.5 hours. I asked her about that and she claimed she was doing laundry. When I do laundry it takes a few minutes to turn over the load and a few minutes to fold the clothes as we do a load a day.

She also fully reclined on our reclining chair when holding the baby to soothe to sleep after a feeding. She has a blanket and the room is dark. This doesn't seem safe to me?

Overall I am wondering if these are red flags and I need to let her go? Or am I overreacting?

I know there’s a range but if you had to estimate , how long do you typically spent at a birth?

Curious to hear if you do anything particularly special for clients that stands out and that they really appreciate!

After a frustrating experience when I pursued certification and getting the ball rolling about 10 years ago, I decided to not move forward and pursue becoming a doula.

I've been thinking about pursuing this direction again as I feel like there has been a push for more inclusiveness in the maternal wellbeing community.

I've seen some male doulas posting in here more recently so I wanted to come to the community to find out:

- What is everyone's feelings on male doulas? Do you feel that there are areas of the country that are more receptive to an alternative thinking for doula care for pregnancy and childbirth?

- Are there any of the doula certification/training programs that you feel are more receptive/welcome to non-traditional students?

Thanks in advance for your thoughts.

I know that all doulas have extensive training, but personally I just feel more comfortable with someone who has been through the process themselves. However, I’m finding that most doulas in my area don’t explicitly say whether or not they have.

So, I’m wondering if it’s appropriate to ask them if they have children?

I obviously don’t want to offend anyone and I want to respect their privacy, but I also want to trust my instincts and follow my preference.

Hi all. Would love any insight, advice, or thoughts. Just feel like I need to talk about this! End of last year I had a wonderful mom hire me for her due date. Healthy, second baby, and a VBAC. My first VBAC client! I learned so much in preparation. I have always been a big supported of VBAC and still am after this.

I don’t feel all the details are necessary it’s a lot to type but ultimately it lead to a transfer to the hospital due to no fetal heart tones. This was a birth center birth (birth center minutes from the hospital) this transfer was via private car (advised by the midwife) which I still do not agree with.

During labor (I try to not carry guilt as I did not know nor did I have enough education for this, nor is it my place) BUT she had sudden onset of intense contractions and very tense. I had thought everyone is different in labor (she looked like she had that “running away from contractions” body) she eventually complained of shoulder pain and had a hard time moving around or lying down.

I now know those were warning signs of uterine rupture (shoulder pain being a HUGE sign to call EMS asap). After transfer and check in an ultrasound showed baby was gone and she went in for cesarean. They saved her uterus but of course now we are dealing with the loss of her baby.

I still feel I didn’t do enough I had no words I felt if I spoke I would completely break down and I was totally in shock trying to hold it together. I am close with this client and we have seen each other many times since. I have learned so much and while I hope this never happens again I hope I am better next time.

If anyone can take anything from this please know the signs of uterine rupture and that they can present differently. I know it’s not our job to make any medical calls but this could very well happen in early labor at home when you are in your client.

Gosh, even months later it’s bothering me and I feel I still do not have closure as I did not ever see her baby. Which is okay, but it was so weird. We were all waiting for a baby and then all of a sudden she was postpartum and no baby.

Like I said I don’t know what to gain from this but would love your thoughts or perspectives.

Hi everyone! I’m currently in a different field right now, but I’ve been thinking a lot about moving into the doula field and starting fresh in this area. I’m trying to do some real research before I make any decisions.

I wanted to ask those already working as doulas: realistically, how many moms/clients can you take per month without burning out? And around how much can a doula make monthly on average?

I know it depends on location, experience, and what services you offer, but I’m just trying to understand if this could be a good path for me. Thanks so much :)

Is there a realistic path for someone who wants to pursue being a doula or childbirth educator without having to start their own business? The someone is me, haha. I feel guilty even posting this, because I know that this sub gets a lot of "how do I start out?" posts, but here I am. Ever since becoming a mother myself I feel called to support other moms and birthing people through birth and pregnancy, but I also know myself and I am not someone who has the tenacity and skill to build a business from scratch. I'm from Massachusetts, for context. Any insights are appreciated!

In /doulas there is a megathread of certification programs and details about them from people who have taken the courses! It’s amazing.

I’d love to start that here, specially for postpartum doula certification programs.

Please list who you got your certification through and whether it was a good experience or not. I’d also love your thoughts on the curriculum and whether it was informative, you expected more, etc.

I am currently looking to get certified - but am overwhelmed by all of the options. This would be so helpful for me and others I’m sure!

I’ve been thinking about this a lot, especially for the aspiring/newer doulas.

A client asks you, “What would you do?” or “What do you think I should do?” about something medical.

Induction. Cervical checks. Pitocin. Epidural. Breaking waters. Continuous monitoring. A provider recommendation they feel uneasy about.

And it can be tricky because on one hand, doulas are not medical providers. We should not be diagnosing, prescribing, telling someone what to accept or decline, or positioning our personal opinion as the “right” answer.

But on the other hand, I also don’t think “I can’t answer that” is always enough.

Because sometimes what the client is really asking is:

“I’m overwhelmed. Can you help me slow this down?”

“Do I have options here?”

“Is this urgent, or am I being rushed?”

“What questions should I ask?”

“Can someone help me make sense of what just happened?”

To me, the line is this:

I don’t make the decision for her.

I help her get clear enough to make it herself.

So instead of saying, “I would decline that” or “I think you should do it,” I’d rather say something like:

“I can’t make that decision for you, and I don’t want my opinion to become louder than your own voice. But I can help you walk through the information, ask stronger questions, and figure out what feels best for you.”

Then I’d help her ask things like:

What is the reason this is being recommended?

What are the benefits?

What are the risks?

Are there alternatives?

What happens if we wait?

How urgent is this?

What would change if we said yes now versus later?

What do you need to feel informed, respected, and clear?

I think this is one of those areas where doulas can accidentally swing too far in either direction. Either they overstep and start giving medical advice, or they get so afraid of overstepping that they become passive when the client actually needs support processing the decision.

PRO TIP: There is a difference between telling someone what to do and helping them understand what they’re being asked to consent to.

That distinction matters.

Curious how other doulas handle this. When a client asks, “What would you do?” how do you respond?

I’m 33 weeks pregnant and a little late to this, but I just discovered that my workplace covers postpartum doula / night nanny services. I’m debating on which route to go. It seems through Carrot fertility, there are more postpartum doulas than night nurses within the network. From what I understand, PP doulas offer more holistic family support and seem to be more regulated. Night nannies focus more on baby. I see the benefit of both, so I few questions for those that went with either. Of note, I do plan to breastfeed with 1-2 bottle feeds a day (breast milk)

1. Those that went with doula, is it possible to still have nights where they operate more as a “night nanny” if we really just need a night of rest? I understand the need for overall support and I want to be involved as much as possible, but I also imagine there’s going to be some nights where a break will be necessary. Would this be supported, and have you seen the role more interchangeable?

2. What was the sleeping arrangement for baby? We purchased a Snoo for our bedside. Did baby sleep at bedside with you, or did baby stay in nursery on nights that doula was there? If baby stayed bedside, where did the doula stay and was it weird to have them come in at night? This might seem like a silly question, but just curious. We have 3 dogs that sleep in bed with us, so having someone come in and out of our room may be a huge disruption and cause more stress than anything. But on the other hand, would baby not being bedside with us disrupt routine?

Thanks so much in advance!

Anyone in Nashville area have a doula or in home midwife recommendation?

I am 14 weeks pregnant and have had 2 prior easy complication free hospital births, both lasting under 5 hours from first contractions to delivery. I’ve never been unmedicated and tried so hard to go natural with my son 2 years ago, but the hospital setting just didn’t make me feel supported in that choice and I was so uncomfortable that I caved and got the epidural, which I hated. I feel like the recovery from the epidural is worse than the recovery from vaginal birth for me. The back pain I had for weeks was excruciating.

We’re looking into a home birth for this one, but are hesitant for obvious reasons. The “what ifs” are of course endless. We’re about 15-20 minutes from the closest hospital and would hire a doula for support. We don’t have any family nearby, so that makes things a little harder.

Basically just hoping someone in our area sees this and has any advice to offer/doulas they recommend

Hoping to start a practical conversation about transparency and accountability when one doula provides the care and another handles billing.

As more insurance plans (especially Medicaid) begin covering doula services, many of us are working within agency models or subcontracting arrangements. These setups can be great—they expand access to care and allow doulas to focus on the parts of the work they do best.

At the same time, insurance reimbursement is often slow, inconsistent, or denied altogether. Most of us can’t realistically pay subcontracted doulas out-of-pocket before reimbursement comes through, which creates an imbalanced shared financial risk.

So my question is:

What systems or contractual safeguards are people using to ensure transparency around billing and payment status?

For example:

• How are folks documenting that claims were actually submitted?
• Are you sharing EOBs, claim status updates, or portal screenshots?
• What does your contract say about timelines, communication, and proof of payment or denial?
• Have you found tools, workflows, or third-party systems that help reduce ambiguity?

I trust that most doulas and agencies are acting in good faith—but this is still a growing, largely unregulated space, and I’ve also heard of situations where lack of transparency has led to real harm.

I’d love to hear how others are:

• Protecting themselves contractually and professionally
• Building clear communication practices
• Reducing the need for “blind trust” in these arrangements
• Minimizing undue doubt when you are the payor / minimizing vulnerability when you are the payee

The goal here isn’t to call anyone out—just to share ideas and hopefully strengthen how we work together as an industry.

I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Hi! Looking for opinions/ advice! I an interested in becoming a doula! My best friend is looking forward to having her first child and it has really motivated me to want to be able to support her in this time. I’ve had the honor of experiencing the birth of both of my little sisters when I was young and it was a super impactful time in my life. I always thought the birthing process was so beautiful and just magical. Later as a young adult I found myself supporting a friend through an open adoption and again was blessed with the opportunity to witness another birth. I didn’t really know how to support her in that time other than to present and the best friend I knew how to be. Where I’m now at in life I just feel motivated to educate myself to support my friend in her first pregnancy and I think over all I just want to support women in such a big moment in their lives. I’m a massage therapist and am specializing in pregnancy massage. I’ve also been studying yoga and wanting to continue my education with a focus on pregnancy yoga. Overall my goal is to support the mom during and after pregnancy. I’ve been recommended Dona & cappa …. Any insight/advice (given my background stated) in which direction would be best & why?

There are many options and I am capable of doing the research and making my own decisions…. I would just like opinions and personal experiences from whomever has the time to share! There’s is a bit of an investment here and I’d just like to consider all of the things!

I see these questions all the time and I remember being there…

You finally get an inquiry, you set up the consult call, and then you spiral. What if they ask how many births I’ve attended? What if they can tell I’m new? What if I freeze?

Here’s the thing nobody told me when I started. Clients are not hiring you because of a number. They’re hiring you because of how they feel on that call. 

I’ve watched seasoned doulas with 200 births lose clients to brand new doulas because the new doula made them feel SEEN. That’s the whole game.

Some stuff that actually helps:

Lead the call. Don’t let them lead it. This sounds counterintuitive because we’re trained to make space for clients. But when you let them drive, the call becomes an interview where you’re the candidate. When you lead, it becomes a consultation where you’re the expert. Open with something like “I’d love to start by hearing a little about where you are in your pregnancy and what’s been on your mind, then I’ll walk you through how I support families and we can talk about whether we’re a good fit.” You just set the agenda. You’re in charge of the call now.

Reference their intake form before the call and bring it up early. If they wrote that they’re 22 weeks with their first and feeling anxious about hospital interventions, mention it in the first few minutes. “I saw on your intake that you’re feeling nervous about the cascade of interventions. Can you tell me more about where that’s coming from?” They will visibly relax. You did your homework. You see them as a person, not a transaction. Most doulas skip this and it’s the easiest way to stand out.

Active listening is NOT nodding and saying “mhm”. It’s reflecting back what you heard in your own words and then asking the next layer down. She says “I just want to feel supported.” You say “When you imagine feeling supported in labor, what does that actually look like for you? Is it physical, emotional, someone advocating for you, all three?” Now you’re in a real conversation. Now she’s telling you things she didn’t even know she needed.
Don’t apologize for being new. Don’t bring it up unless they do. And if they do, you don’t have to lie OR over-explain. Something like “This is one of my first official clients as a certified doula, and I’ve been preparing intensely for this moment. What I bring to your birth is full presence, evidence-based training, and the kind of energy that someone with 100 births might not.” That’s the truth. Lean into it.

Stop saying “I think” and “I feel like.” Listen to yourself on a recorded call once and you’ll hear it everywhere. “I think I would probably bring some massage tools.” Just say “I bring massage tools.” Cut the qualifiers. Confidence is mostly just the absence of unnecessary hedging.

Have three stories ready. Not birth stories necessarily. Stories about why you became a doula, a moment in your training that shifted something in you, a time you supported someone (a friend, a sister, anyone) through something hard. Stories build trust faster than credentials.

Tell them what happens next before they ask. End the call with “Here’s what I’d suggest. Take 24 hours to talk it over with your partner. If you want to move forward, I’ll send over the contract and we’ll book your prenatals. If you have questions in the meantime, text me directly, here’s my number.” You just removed every point of friction. You also signaled that you have a process and you’re not desperately waiting by the phone.

Follow up within 24 hours with something personal. Not “just checking in.” Send them an article about something they mentioned. A podcast episode about hospital advocacy if that’s what they’re worried about. A note that says “I was thinking about what you said about your sister’s birth, and I just wanted to say I’m holding that with care.” This is the move that closes clients.

The doulas who book the most clients are usually not the most experienced ones. They’re the ones who run a tight, warm, prepared consult. That’s a skill you can learn before you ever attend a birth and it will propel your business for years.

I’m happy to workshop in the comments btw. What’s tripping you up most on consults right now?​​​​​​!

I just attended my first birth, and it was relatively straightforward and quick for a FTM. She had the goal of trying for unmedicated while keeping herself open to the option of an epidural if she felt like she needed it. She did opt for the epi, and it had just been set up before I arrived at the hospital. Labor progressed pretty quickly over the next few hours, and she did feel intense pain and pressure during pushing stage. Nevertheless, she roared her babe out in less than an hour. It was awesome, and she even described it as “a 10/10 birth.”

We put in a lot of work together to prepare for this, and I do feel like it really paid off. Their main concerns were feeling heard and respected in the hospital setting, and mom and dad both did an amazing job voicing their needs and choices from start to finish. I really kind of just showed up and held the space while they did their thing. I also took about a million pictures for them.

At the same time, I’m sort of coming away from the whole thing feeling a bit like, “Huh. So that was it.”

To be clear, I don’t mean that in a negative or disappointed way. I feel proud and accomplished, and I truly believe I helped them have a positive birth experience. I’m also not questioning my path in this work.

I guess it’s just that we hear so often about the elated “birth high,” afterward, and we also hear quite a bit about the harder emotions after the difficult experiences. Maybe I just expected to be feeling a whole lot more? I’ve also been working a ton with embodiment and my nervous system, so perhaps this is also me having more capacity for a high adrenaline experience? I do NOT feel detached. It’s more like…weirdly peaceful, almost anticlimactic. But feeling that way is unexpected so it’s also a bit unsettling, if that makes sense.

I’m not even sure what I’m looking for here. Advice about integrating the experience? Space to process? Maybe just seeing if anyone else can relate?

If you made it this far with me, thank you for reading. I would love to read your thoughts, feelings, and experiences if you feel so inclined!

haha sorry to sound so elementary saying “mean” but seriously every one in a while i come across a nurse who may have had an unsavory experience with a doula or doesnt understand how to interact with us so i get ignored or my support/guidance/and information i share is always pushed to the side by the nurse. for example, some nurses will move my clients out of positions (no medically necessary reason) and be unwilling to take suggestions on positions that i believe could be supportive to my clients labor. i try not to let it get to me but being undermined by someone who isnt paying me is annoying, it makes the experience uncomfortable for me and i can tell when my clients pick up on the vibes. what do yall do in these situations??

I’m 10 months into my bussiness wondering if getting an office space or even like a day use meeting space randomly or something would be beneficial for me. Try to set up like mom meet ups. Or expecting mom meetups. I would like my own office space one day. Or if I have a partner we can split the cost of the office space. Where I got certified her office space was huge where she does classes and a milk bank and resource closet. Does her classes there to make other doulas which I want to do as well one day. Just doing things out my house not sure about. Even meeting clients at there house for prenatals isn’t always ideal. Might be easier with an office space. Also marketing having a sign up where people can see outside and having our name on the outside ect.

Giving birth in September. I am thankful to have the ability to afford a night doula for 5 days per week for 8 hours per night. However I am only able to swing 6 weeks total.

When should the doula start? Immediately after birth or at week 2-3? I have minimal family support.

Thanks for your help and time!

What are your recommendations for a partner to help them provide support during labor? I want my husband to be my primary support person and he feels overwhelmed at the thought. I will have midwives etc present during the birth, but I would like my husband to not feel like he is drowning during the process.