r/clementineiscool

it is 2am but I must draw bladee

why why why is drawing so hard

I will make this better one day, but for now, I will have to practice not making everyone cross-eyed

and maybe not be so impatient and instead take time to fix the mistakes

hi everyone my friends, this is a post about my life this past week and recently and more. also, some thoughts of movies. i realise it's been a little while since i did a proper blog post, everything i post recently is just funny stupid stuff with very little words.. i wanna make people smile with that but it's not the whole truth of my experience yanno? i started writing this and then realised some parts are heavy (there's discussion of sa, which is in a spoiler tag), so please keep that in mind and feel free to skip reading this one.

where to start? i quit my job around 2 weeks ago.. since then it's been a Blur(woohoo!)! i realise these days my memory isn't so good. if you don't want your memory to be bad make sure you don't a smoke a lot of weed from ages 16-17-18 with a developmental brain and make sure there's not anything in your life you have to forget. and i ... have a LOT to forget! haha! but anyways yes i've been in a slump since i quit this horrible job. i just find i've lost a lot of energy! i know i recharge and come back but i know it takes a while.. hopefully i'll find something nice, yes?

despite everything i've found comfrot in my music and my doodles and the clementine and bebo comics.. speaking of which that may be put on hold a bit? i realised recently i spread myself way too thin.. i still have these 2 songs i want to release as soon as possible, then i have the comic series, then i have this place which i will NEVER leave, then i have my ultra secret website i was developing i want to share with you all at some point, and then i have my story.

have you heard about my story! i've mentioned it briefly. the working title is "two girls" and it's about 2 girls who are unfortunately in love and also it's about the horrors of being a woman and some other stuff. i started writing it around 3 months ago and it started out as a horrible twisted little thing, i wanted to write something punishing and cruel and i thought it would be a short lived thing i'd eventually finish or give up on or abandon but No it's infected my mind like an affectionate little Worym and grown into something more nuanced and human, and i've got to know its two characters have become a little more like people in my mind that i've been getting to know and it's become increasingly apparent to me how urgent it is that i write it. i don't know, i haven't written many stories before, and nothing of this length! so for all i know it could be a total piece of garbage but it feels really really important that i write it like right now, mostly just for me. it's a super cathartic thing, feels like a big part of myself but it's exciting as well. there's some of my humour in there but it's mostly quite serious and heavy! maybe i'll share something of it soon, maybe just a little extract if people might be interested. i don't know! but anyways as i can only do so much i'm gonna have to put the comics on the back burner a bit unfortunately! but i'll still post doodles and stuff whenever they come to me. the way my brain works i just jump around!

anyway, i saw some movies this past few days. i did other stuff too, like i went to London! to visit a friend. it was really lovely and he let me stay at his. the first evening we went to see the band My New Band Believe perform live. they are one of my favourite bands right now, and they were so wow to really see perform incredible music in person. i've mentioned them before but they;re really something special, progressive folky stuff, but i'm sure they'll be something different in the future you get that impression they'll change a lot and i'm excited. either way the singer Cameron Picton who i was lucky enough to meet some weeks ago! he's such a darling, and i really love his writing and his voice. impossibly tender! i have also been producing my friends music, he is writing an album and it's really lovely and moving and well written too. it means a lot for me to say that or to even produce someones elses music because i can be selfish musically, a little nomadic, i just wanna spend my time on my own endeabours, so If i work on your music with you that probably means a lot! on the evening for me to leave we went to the prince charles cinema to see Twin Peaks Fire Walk With Me. the following account will probably only make massive sense if you've seen the show/movie and it'll probably spoil a bit too, and also it's a heavy discussion, so i'm gonna tag that as spoiler feel free to skip etc etc.

>!Having seen this movie before, i still wasn't prepared at all. after all, i was only 17 when i saw it the first time. that was a tough age for me and even then i related to the plight of Laura Palmer. I really liked it back then but i dont know, it didnt hit like it did the other day. now that i'm 21, some things of have gotten better in my life, but others have gotten worse... so knowing that i really should have been prepared for that film to hit me like a fucking truck. it's one of the saddest films ever, but one i'd now consider one of my favourites. i put it up there on level as crushing sadness as something like Mysterious Skin (also one of my all time favourites lol, go figure). i just, don't know really how to talk about this film on an objective, let's say analytical level and also without getting realllyy personal. and what can you say that hasn't already been said? Sheryl Lee brings something unspeakable to the role of laura palmer, she's just such a living breathing beautiful tragic fucking person.... no i can't talk about it really, it's actually too much lmfao!! i really grieve her and what she went through like she's real, which feels of course Strange but then you realise like what she went through sadly isn't that unique at all.. it's fucking awful.. i think one of the things that really gets me is the way no one fucking listens to her or sees her in that movie, the way everyone fails her. Donna you can tell truly loves her and tries her best, but she's still a flawed and somewhat misguided person.. that scene in the pink room where she tries to be like laura is fucking haunting. !<

afterwards i felt really distraught, on the train home i was just so upset. i really haven't had that reaction to a movie in the longest time. when i finally got home i sat down on my bed, dumped all of my stuff to the side and almost immedaitely went to sleep, i didn't have it in me to go to the bathroom and wash my face etc etc. the next day (yesterday) i felt real terrible. at first i just put it down to the movie but realised that couldn't just be it, and funnily enough it wasn't! i remembered something that happened the previous morning. (tw discussion of sa:)

>! i was sent a screenshot of someone's dating app profile, in an innocuous way basically like "oh they're hot". but my stomach kinda sank immediately because i realised it was the guy who sexually assaulted me 6 months ago. someone who i tried my best to believe was as good as not existing anymore, not in real life, not anywhere near my circle of people, just in my brain so, as good as dead. at first, i really didn't wanna believe it was him for some reason, so i reacted like oh he looks just like that person.. and i tried to forget but i guess all the time it was at back of my mind bothering me so much that yesterday and went back through messages id sent to friends to find another picture of him.. and it was definitely 100% the same guy.. my friend confirmed this and it was another fucking gut punch. it's weird, it makes sense for it to have an effect on me, obviously it does, but i can't compute why. i still have a stupid voice in my brain that i've been trying to cut out, saying it wasn't that bad, it was fine what happened, it's been 6 months now so i should be over it, i should be getting my life back on track and something like seeing his face again shouldn't fucking completely destabilise me. but i guess it has. there you go. i've felt terrified since yesterday. spent the whole day in bed and i might end up spend today in bed as well. i think it's also the fact that he more than likely doesn't think about what he did, or doesn't feel any guilt if to this day he's sending people chauvinistic messages. we managed to report his account, i had to write an account of what happened which was really difficult. people often ask if i've reported it to the police, which i think i don't wanna do. i think of a line from the film Sorry Baby, "i dont want him to be arrested. i want him to stop being someone who does that. and if he went to jail, he'd just be a person who does that, who's also in jail". i don't know, it's a weird one.!<

anyways, i'm trying my best to take care of myself, it's really hard but i guess atleast im drinking water and eating whatever, trying to rest when i can. i'm making my art and writing and watching movies and euphoria tv show (lol). one of my best friends said really nice thing to me yesterday. she said i can get better and that one day it won't be so hard. well, she said things way more eloquent than that but, yeagh.

here was where i was gonna write about the movie May (2002) i watched yesterday, but i've kind of depleted my energy, lol. it's an interesting one. the whole premise is about a weird girl who just wants to be loved and seen who isn't very accepted by other people so she kinda snaps. i felt quite bad for her and it's obviously unfortunately very relatable. i think i should have enjoyed the movie more, even tho i liked a lot of the parts of it. idk, maybe it was too real, maybe i wasn't in the right mood to enjoy a movie, maybe it was the pacing was off and things were a bit stilted. i also think the weird girl thing like the way in which she is feels kinda movie weird a little, a little inauthentic, like obviously the film wants u to be sympathetic to her, but also it kinda felt a littlee exploitative or something, or like it is laughign at her a tinhy bit. i don't have much to back it up, that was just a feeling, for instance >!the whole thing with the doll and the way her mental health declines and she's talking to the doll and stuff like cmon.!<. one thing i did really like was gthis character adam how much he fucking sucked oh my god fake fucking asshole. Makes a whole show of being a weirdo and "liking gross things" "i want you to disgust me" "i like weird" and then he's so fucking judgemental to May.. i'm sick of liars like this in the world.. intolerant and judgemental but they're just hiding it.>! it's so awesome when he gets killed. yeah!<

okay that's my blog post. thanks if you read this far. was gonna probably say some other stuff but i'm tired now. okay bye.

i realised i never posted this comic in full here. so i am doing that now for any1 who missed Any of it as i think it is best read as a whole. Thanks enjoy!@@!

I found these pictures in my camera roll that i took in an old friends backyard. we're not friends anymore, and i dont take pictures anymore. It's funny how you forget things that once meant so much to you

Brilliant on its own merits, despite is ostensible messaging. It's a quasi-thriller and it's one of the best on the market

Shes small, wonderful and 5 weeks old

i love my fruends

hi friends, thanks smmmmmm for 1.4k members!! i literally just noticed as i went to post this, thats so Awesome! every day we growing stronger and yes we WILL take over the white house.

anyway heres an extract from the story im writing "Two Girls"... idk if it makes much sense without context and i find it hard explain without just dumping the whole thhing But.... its not ready yet 😝 its about a lot of different stuff and things happening but i think what u need 2 know for this extract is mary and judy are 2 troubled young women in a relationship who arent super good for eachother!

im sharing as i havent yet had any other pairs of eyes of this for the most Part would genuinely like and appreciate some feedback, so please feel free to share!! (althoufh pls be gentle hehe im a sensitive girl). also i just hope that maybe ssome people would enjoy reading? maybe this could be 4 u? who Nose!

also i do realised i said "cheeks flushed" twice... WHOOPS!!!! will be changing that...