r/chineseadoptees

I was adopted in 1994 by American parents. Back in 2016 I did 23andme and didn’t get any close family matches for an entire decade. Last Thursday I got a message saying I had a sibling match in the database. Brian and Lan from DNAconnect have been facilitating our reunion, and I’ve been able to talk to my birth family members through WeChat for the past week.

The good parts: I’ve finally gotten answers to questions I’ve had for forever. I know my family medical history. I’ve been able to see pictures of my parents and siblings (the family resemblance is crazy!). I learned that my reported birthday and finding day were completely falsified, and now I know when my real birthday is. The information has been overwhelming at times, but at the same time I’m so happy to have it. I’ve greatly enjoyed talking to my siblings and we all have so much in common that I’m both surprised and unsurprised. I don’t feel “more whole” than I did before but my soul feels more settled, if that makes sense.

The downsides: I feel like I have to be very careful about what I share with my biological parents. Unfortunately my adoptive mother was very abusive, to the point that I cut off contact with her a few years ago. My birth parents have already expressed guilt and regret about how I came to be up for adoption in the orphanage and I don’t want them to feel more guilty, so I’ve been very vague about my adoptive parents. I know I’ll tell them eventually, but it’s hard to decide when to disclose that information.

My adoptive family also hasn’t reacted well. When I told them I knew they were bound to have some mixed feelings about the matter, as did I, but my sister in particular seems like she’s struggling with adjusting. There’s a whole complicated history that’s too long to put into a reddit post, which I’m sure factors in to her reaction. I’m trying to be understanding of her feelings, but at the same time I’m not sure I fully understand them.

At the end of the day I’m very happy to have found them. Getting to know them has been a highlight of my life, and seeing my birth parents’ faces for the first time is a core memory. They have all been incredibly accepting. The biggest thing I am sad about is how my adoptive family is reacting, but even then I hope they’ll come around once they’ve had time to adjust and process this information.

Hi, I was adopted in 2009, I’m 17 yo F, and I just got back from a trip to China with my adoptive mother and brother.

First of all, I'm incredibly happy that I was able to make this trip, and I'm so grateful to my mom because I've seen adopted children on this channel who are much less lucky than I am...

This trip was incredible because I finally felt like I belonged somewhere (even though people often stared at me because I was with Europeans). Since I live in a rural area of Belgium, there are no Chinese people around me, except a friend who is mixed chinese. There are still three other girls who were adopted at the same time as me, but they aren’t interested yet in learning about their country of origin and they live in others cities than mine. Other than them, I don't know any other adopted of my age.

I learned Chinese about a year before going (not seriously enough tho), with the help of a language partner. At first there, I was really happy to understand a few sentences, and since I look Chinese, people spoke to me in Chinese. But I quickly felt insufficient because my level wasn’t nearly good enough and I was putting pressure on myself—since I looked Chinese, I was Chinese, so I should have been more fluent in my own language...

I didn’t go there to find information about my parents, but rather to explore the country with the help of a travel agency and guides. Thanks to that, I not only discovered the idyllic side of China, but I also discovered places where I might have grown up in less rich areas. I know I’ve had many benefits from being adopted, but socially speaking, I feel left out where I am and I feel like my personality would fit in better in China, and it's the only place where I've ever felt pretty, even though my mom tells me so, because I don't fit European standards.

I wasn’t used to the food or the way of life but still I miss everything now that I've returned, for example in european bar there's strip-tease but in chinese one there are good looking boys who sing well 😶‍🌫 Despite all of this I fell so lonely because I saw lots of young people in couples or with friends, and I was craving that. I think I'm craving people who look like me... I realize it's a bit too much to ask isn't it? I should be satisfied, but I still feel like something’s missing I’ve already tried making friends online, but it’s not easy. I don't know what to do to fill this void.

Thank you for reading. I'd be happy to talk with you if you'd like.