As someone who grew up without religion as a child - it’s a tough sell as an adult. An invisible guy in the sky that is all knowing and all powerful…

Too many plot holes in the story.

Other thoughts?

I have both an active NYT and Spotify subscription but today’s episodes aren’t showing.

Anyone having the same issue or had this issue and have a fix?

There were a lot of valid statements and statements I disagreed with, but can we please all agree that the idea of all of this being solved with republican and democratic leaders making a video together saying “guys stop the violence” is legitimately delusional

I have something I must confess to you,

I have a problem,

A very big problem,

I wanted to tell you earlier but I just didn’t want you to worry about me,

But, after thinking about it, I think you have a right to know,

I don’t know the best way to say this, but I want you to know that I am addicted to The New York Times,

Yes, I confess, I am a full-fledged New York Times Junkie,

I am miles deep inside The New York Times rabbit hole, I’m trapped, I can’t escape,

The New York Times shapes every aspect of my life, what I eat, how I feel, what I believe in, how I think, how I talk, The New York Times has a hand in all of it,

And Yes, before you ask, I do pay 25 dollars a month to get the “ALL ACCESS NY TIMES SUBSCRIPTION PACKAGE”,

Don’t judge me,

Listen, I understand that you guys don’t read the New York Times, so you guys don’t really grasp the day-to-day struggles that a New York Times Junkie goes through,

However, If the New York Times has taught me anything, it’s that, for whatever reason, people are interested in reading long articles about the everyday life of random nobodies,

I just happen to be a random nobody,

And now you shall hear a story of a random nobody,

 

Every day is the same as the last,

I wake up at 7AM, hobble my way to the bathroom, sit on the toilet, open my phone, and open “THE NY TIMES GAMES APP”

I play “The Mini”, “Wordle”,  and “Connections” in that exact order,

If I win, I find the closest living creature and brag about how long my win streak is,

If I lose (WHICH NEVER EVER HAPPENS BY THE WAY), I find the closest living creature and complain about how bullshit and incompetently designed these puzzles are,

 

After Wyna Liu ruins my morning (ONCE AGAIN) it’s time for me to go to work,

I commute to my office job like I always do, like I did yesterday and like I will tomorrow

To pass the time, I listen to The New York Times Podcast, “The Daily”, hosted by Michael Barbaro, so I can find out what else I need to know today,

The way Michael Barbaro whispers into my ear, with his erratic see-sawing tonal inflections, his crazy speech tempo swings and how he randomly pauses mid-sentence for 4 seconds straight, it’s all very erotic . . . . . . err I mean very very sophisticated,

Every day I go in front of the mirror and practice pausing mid-sentence (DRAMATICALLY) like Michael Barbaro,

One day I will be able to dramatically pause mid-sentence as erotically sophisticatedly as Michael Barbaro,

 

Whatever, who cares, I go to work, I enter the office, avoid any and all eye contact, I go to my cubicle, sit down and proceed to avoid doing as much work as possible (OBVIOUSLY IF I WANTED TO TRY AT WORK, I WOULD BE PAYING 25 DOLLARS A MONTH TO THE WALL STREET JOURNAL),

I turn on my work computer, where I open up the New York Times Website,

I look at the polls for the 2024 presidential election,

If the polls go down for Kamala Harris, I go to outlook and write some passive aggressive emails,

If the polls go up for Kamala Harris, I go to outlook and write some slightly less passive aggressive emails,

On my second monitor, I open up HBO Max where I rewatch episodes of “The West Wing”, “Succession”, or “The Wire”,

And Yes, before you ask, I do pay 20.99 dollars every month to get the “AD-FREE HBO MAX SUBSCRIPTION PACKAGE”,

Don’t judge me,

 

After another brutal workday of listening to Aaron Sorkin dialogue for 4 hours straight, I feel fatigued, I go to the office breakroom,

My coworker happens to be there, they greet me and start talking about baseball or something, whatever, who cares,

I immediately pivot the conservation to the rising geopolitical tensions in the Middle East,

Before I am able to finish articulating my educated, nuanced, well-informed opinion about Hezbollah, my coworker cuts me off, and says something about how they really need to get back to work,

Whatever, who cares, it doesn’t really bother me if people don’t want to listen to my sophisticated and well thought out opinions,

Honestly, it’s their loss,

If they don’t want to be educated and engage in civically minded conversations about serious and important issues that would expand their horizons and world views, that’s their loss,

It doesn’t bother me one little bit,

But I bet they would listen to me if I was able to pause mid-sentence as dramatically as Michael Barbaro,

 

Whatever, who cares, time passes, another work day ends, while another work day creeps up tomorrow,

Apparently, I’m supposed to meet someone at some restaurant or something,

Some kind of new Asian Fusion restaurant or something, I think it’s supposed to be for a date or something, whatever, who cares

Yeah, it goes like whatever, they were saying something about their family or something, whatever, who cares,

I immediately pivot the conversation to actual interesting subjects such as Federal Reserve interest rate cuts, polling numbers in Wisconsin, Soy Bean Tariffs, and The War in Gaza,

I even used the most sexiest buzz words possible like “NEEDLING” and “THE BLUE WALL” and “TWO-STATE SOLUTION” and “SOFT LANDING” and “OCTOBER SURPRISE”

Yeah, I have a feeling that this person won’t be calling me back,

Honestly, the more I think about it, it was probably because my mid-sentences weren’t as long as Michael Barbaro’s,

 

Whatever, who cares, time passes, the date ends, I wander my way back to the place I call home,

I open the door, and the first thing I see is the bookshelf that I strategically positioned for everyone to see,

The New York Times published that top 100 books of the century list a while ago so I went and bought about 30 of them,

Before placing a book on the shelf, I make sure to go to Wikipedia and memorize the plot summary and themes/analysis section,

If there isn’t a Wikipedia page for the book, I strategically rotate the book so that no one can see the book binding,

As I am busy strategically rearranging my collection of Ta-Nehisi Coates books to be strategically placed next to my collection of Toni Morrison books, my phone starts ringing, it is my mom,

I pick up the phone and she says something about visiting her more or something, whatever, who cares,

I tell her the thing that she actually needs to worry about is the crumbling state of American Democracy and the public’s faltering faith in institutions, and that she needs to check her voter registration,

She hangs up,

You know, maybe if she practiced pausing mid-sentence as dramatically as Michael Barbaro, she would be more convincing in getting her point across,

 

Whatever, who cares, I go to my kitchen and I stare at this bottle of wine I bought,

I mean I don’t really know,

Sometimes the New York Times publishes articles saying that moderate consumption of wine is good for me,

Then, they immediately publish another article saying that moderate consumption of wine is bad for me,

Whatever, who cares, Michael Barbaro seems like the kind of person who drinks a glass (or two) of wine every night,

I don’t know for certain, but I’m pretty sure the secret to Michael Barbaro’s dramatic speech pauses is a glass (or two) of wine every night,

 

Whatever who cares, it’s getting late, the day is done, yesterday is gone, now today is gone, and likely tomorrow is gone,

Its time to go to bed,

Before I go to bed, I make sure to open up the New York Times app on my phone and scroll through the headlines,

That way I can sleep well at night knowing that I am more educated and well informed than the ignorant buffoons that populate this country,

I look at my phone, and I see something about category 5 hurricanes, something about Iran and/or Russia dropping nuclear bombs or something, whatever who cares,

As long as Iran and/or Russia doesn’t nuke Michael Barbaro, it’s like whatever, who cares,