r/SwingerNewbies

This is for all the couples who are being unethical about this. My wife the other day was supposed to meet with another woman for some ff play. Other woman was married but said her husband wouldn't be involved. I drove my wife to drop her off for their first meet and low and behold the other husband was there. They try to "convince" my wife to cheat on me and have a threesome. Never seen her run back to the car so fast. Don't be this couple

Edit: thanks for all the supportive comments. Sadly I've had so many dms saying we were in the wrong here and they had the right to do this.

My husband and I went to a lifestyle club with another couple we’re friends with. We’ve swapped with them before, but we’ve always had a “no kissing on the lips” rule. This time, my husband suggested we loosen that rule, and I didn’t see an issue with it.

While we were all playing, I was on one bed and my husband was on another right next to us with his partner. The other guy came up behind me and started kissing me, and I kissed him back, thinking it was okay since we had just agreed to that boundary change.

Afterward, my husband told me it made him uncomfortable and that it looked too intimate to him. Now he’s upset, and I feel bad because I genuinely didn’t think I was crossing a line—we had just talked about changing that exact rule.

How can I reassure him that it wasn’t emotional or personal, just part of the moment? And how do we move forward so we’re both on the same page again?

Does anyone else go through things like this? I don’t want to continue if it hurts anyone.

We are very new to the LS. I have already seen posts on here about professionals in the lifestyle ie doctors, nurses etc. Is anyone else on here in Law Enforcement? And how do you navigate this in the LS do you tell play partners and if so when how have you found it. I have never been one to lie however need to keep these worlds separate. Any advise would be appreciated.

My (M 39) and my wife (F 36) have been orbiting the lifestyle for about a year. We’ve been to the local swingers club a couple of times. The first time we went we played with each other and enjoyed the vibes. The second time, we challenged ourselves to just go talk to 3 other couples. That lead to playing sexy jenga and we all ended up doing parallel play together— which was awesome.
After talking a lot we decided we thought we were comfortable with some full group play. We paid for a Kasadie membership and were approached by a single guy who seemed respectful and everything.
Months went by of trying to schedule drinks and everything. We finally met up this weekend and for Mother’s Day, I gave her the gift of two men. It was an amazing and fun experience. It was so awesome to see my wife taking two men and just enjoying being the center of attention. The third was super respectful and “professional” when it came to condom usage and being a team mate to help my wife have an amazing time. Looking forward to next time!

How important is physical attraction? It may be shallow, but we want to feel satisfaction with how attractive a couple we hook up with is. I feel like based off appearances, there are very few couples we are interested in or equal in attractiveness. And while it’s nice for them to have personality, that’s not what’s going to get either of us off. We aren’t looking for romance or long term partners, just a fair swap and not feel like we are downgrading from each other. At this point we feel like we are better off continuing to pick up single women in the wild and have about wrote off finding a couple we will match with.

My wife and I got into the LS in a serious way about 5 months ago, joining a local club we attend every 3 to 4 weeks. We've had some great experiences with other couples, but we also feel like we've missed some opportunities. My wife is something of a social butterfly and I am a joker, so you'd think we'd thrive at this, but something is off--we're good at making connections and being friendly, but how do we take it to the next level? How do we make our interest clearer? Is it just as simple as, "Look, Betty and Mark, this has been great talking. Wanna bang now?" What are some tips? Thanks!

We finally got on one of the apps like people suggested, and it’s actually been kind of interesting so far. Most of the matches haven’t really worked out though — either we weren’t attracted to them, the personalities didn’t click, some came off a little too aggressive, or they were way more experienced than where we’re currently at.

We have met one couple and a few single people we’re genuinely interested in though, and they’ve all been really excited to meet up. Since we’re still pretty new to this, we were hoping to get some advice from people with more experience.

Most of them live really close to us, so we’ve talked about a few different ideas for first meets. Some suggested drinks at a bar/restaurant or even a hotel, while others mentioned doing a hike or some kind of outdoor activity together since that’s something we all enjoy.

What’s usually the best first activity or setting?
Is it common or expected to get physical on the first date/meetup?
How many people do you usually talk to or date at once when starting out?
How do you usually handle boundaries, expectations, and communication before meeting?
Are there any “red flags” or things you wish you knew when you first started meeting people?

Thanks in advanced!

We’re going to our first lifestyle club event next weekend and we’re more than excited to start this journey outside of Reddit. We have gone through the application and video interview/orientation for this specific club. Which I appreciate for it being discreet and safety concerns. The event theme is Burlesque Cabaret and we’re planning on dressing to the 9’s with a color pallet of dark red and black. We have talked nonstop about boundaries and expectations and have even talked with another couple from Reddit, very helpful and hot. I think we could give post-event thoughts if you all would like. Because we come from somewhat of a small community and driving 2 hours for this event in hopes to not run into anyone we know, the reality is that there is still a small chance. So here is the question. Has anyone gone to an event or club while trying to be discreet and come across someone you know? And if so, how did you approach the situation and what was the end result?

Exploring my sexuality…I’m not sure everything I’m open to yet… just exploring…very into wanting to play with another women. I don’t know the right way to go about labels and where to start! Hubby let me start exploring online because I like to watch.. and be watched.. but I’d like more I think!

We are both almost finished with the application! Couldn’t be more excited…

ok, so first of me (f35) and my hubby (m40) are new to this and tomorrow we have our first party. there’s going to be 6 other couples and though there’s no expectations to play, we do hope it happens.

so my question is, should my finger nails be short? typically i wear extra long false nails. like 1-2cm longer than my fingertips. which i obviously figure isnt going to be practical when playing, but how long is ok? should i wear false nails, but shorter, like just to the tip of my finger or slightly past? or should just wear my natural nails but painted?

i feel prettiest when ive got long nails but i dont wanna put anyone off either.

Hi there we are newbies just starting out on this journey . I was listening to the Bed Hoppers podcast ( it’s great highly recommend )

They were talking about their journey in the LS and made out as though meeting couples via apps like Reddit and FabSwingers was more fruitful way of meeting people and more fun than going to clubs where experience has been highly varied .

I wondered what people’s thoughts were and which route (s) they have been down to have fun and make friends ?

Really appreciate the opinions and advice !

Many thanks in advance

Wifey and I are 27 and 28 and we are looking to start dipping our toes into the lifestyle. We are interested in starting with adding a third first before expanding to a couple. Having a hard time making real connections with real women. Anyone have any suggestions on how to approach this?

Please share your story. Have your partner fully stasfied? Do you enjoy her satisfaction? Any other thing to share with us?

Hi. New to the same room no swap lifestyle, was wondering if anyone else has dabbled in only SRNS, and if it's something that they've had trouble finding other couples that are also only interested in that? Is it common for people to get ao turned on during in that they start wanting to do full swap? Would love to touch base with couples who have already participated.

Hi friends!
We’ve been married about 15 years. We’ve discussed this in length and in the last week joined some sites and Facebook groups. My husband keeps saying my standards are too high because I haven’t found any males attractive. It’s not that I think I’m some kind of catch, and maybe it’s our area. But I’ve seen maybe 1 of the hundreds I’ve looked at and I don’t even have a type. Now of course he found a few quicker because like a lot of males any hole is the goal I’m sure. I’m not willing to just take one for the team. No sir lol

I feel like I’m browsing the dollar store and he gets to shop at Macys. Tons of stunning women and then to me their husband is a solid 2. To the point where I wonder where they met and how he got her. It’s to the point where I said maybe we should both get a hall pass. Because I feel like it’s impossible to find what we both want in another couple.

Sorry to ramble. Could my standards be too high? I’m
Just asking for all teeth, look like they bathe, and arms and shoulders have to be bigger than mine- I don’t want to crush someone. Not 20 because I have a kid that age and not 70 because I have limits.

My boyfriend and I are new to swinging. We love the idea of swinging and playing with others. However, I feel he may be a little wrapped around the axle about the lifestyle.

What I mean is:

It's always about watching me with other people.

Wanting lifestyle friends to hang out with (not vanilla friends)

Trips that always have to involve a lifestyle club or something along those lines.

I'm very open to it all but at the same time I want us to enjoy each other. I like sex just as much as he does but I don't want our life to revolve around it.

Has anyone else come across this or have any advice?

Wife and I (42 f bi tendencies and 46m) have been married for 16 years. We have a couple kids and would say we are good looking folks. We have our body image issues (she wants a boob lift thanks to the damn kids and I am on the smaller side) but overall our sex life iam a fucking amazing.

About a year ago we started going to strip clubs and that’s when we saw her bi side come out. She has played with women before and we are both open to trying anything. It’s why we have such a great partnership in that we openly talk about fantasies, where we lack confidence and open to exploring as long as we always do it together.

We have talked more and more recently and very open to soft swaps, threesomes w guy or girl and our rule is so penetrating sex. Every thing else is definitely on the table. Because of our jobs we don’t want to go to any clubs locally and just want to explore right now and see what happens. How can we find locals to connect with or at least talk with? We just want to start chatting more with real folks and see where it goes from there. Trying to stay discreet while putting ourselves out there. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks!

We're relatively new to the LS and recently signed up for SDC. It's well populated in our region and we have already made a lot of good connections. However it became apparent pretty quickly that not everyone that reached out was on the up and up. Feels like there are guys (could be women, too, I assume) who are just looking for pics. Guys who I'm pretty sure are using pics of their wives to make a profile without their wives knowing about it. Guys trying to cheat on their wives, etc.

I'm not surprised or shocked, just wondering what are some good red flags/indicators to look for that indicate I may not be dealing with an honest actor?

Edit: Don't read much into my username. I was confused as to what a bull was when I got into this. I'm not a bull. Part of a couple m/f. Married. Don't play alone.

Need advice on how a single 32 year old guy joins the lifestyle. Live near Birmingham, AL. Clean, respectful, and in shape. I’d love some advice on where to go to meet people or maybe meet some people on here who could introduce me to some people.