r/Romancescam

Just wanted a space to vent out and share my story.

I (26 from Philippines) matched with a guy (31 from UK) on Bumble. Everything was so good at first as usual. No red flags at all when he was in UK. He had a business trip in Jakarta, and that’s when everything went downhill.

About 2 weeks after landing in Jakarta, he mentioned his cards were blocked due to suspicious transactions while using his cards there. He was saying he has no one, couldn’t contact his parents, etc. Didn’t try to interfere at first as we haven’t even met yet. Days passed I really felt his frustrations, I sympathized and I offered to step in. Little did I know that simple help will prolong and prolong.

According to him, he spoke with the bank and they would send him his cards all the way from UK to Jakarta. There was a delay in the delivery, so my help prolonged again. I was paying for his hotels, his food. During those time, he said he managed to secure a deal and I was really happy for him. Then he went out for a business dinner, he called me saying he needed £100 as he gave a word that he’d pay for their meal/drinks. He said it’d blow the deal if he didn’t keep his word. I didn’t give him the money, because why would you do such thing if you’re not capable yourself, right? We had a fight, him saying that I ditched him, I bailed on him, etc. It was then resolved.

Fast forward, his cards came. He was able to use it for quite sometime and was able to transfer money to his other bank account. He was supposed to pay me back but he said I needed to pay £100 transfer fee for a bank transfer of £1000, basically 10% of the transfer amount. I told him to just lessen the fee to the total amount and he said that it was already put through and just needed the fee. I didn’t know how UK banks work. I told him that he pay the fee himself but he said he just transferred enough money to his other bank to pay me. I didn’t give him the money as I was abroad that time and didn’t want to think about anything else.

When I came back to Philippines, he said all of his accounts are restricted. Again, I could really feel it was real, I felt the emotions, the frustrations. He said he has nowhere to stay and was just staying in a Starbucks as it was 24 hours. He was sharing his location to me all the way from UK to Indonesia. I offered to get him a flight back to London, we made a contract that he’d pay me on the agreed date. However, the middle east war broke out, and his flight was postponed to next week, then it was postponed again until Malaysia Airlines just offered him a refund. It wasn’t an instant refund. According to him, he contacted the embassy as he was basically stuck there. But he said, the embassy will offer him a flight if he got stuck there for more than 10 weeks. So his stay was prolonged again. He contacted his banks to get him to transfer some money. He put my name as the recipient, I was able to receive all the test transfers, but when they said they sent the final amount £5k it didn’t come. After week I still don’t have the transfer so he followed it up and said they just bounced it back to his account. I paid £500 for the transfer fees. I should’ve stopped at that time, but I was thinking too idc how big the fee is I just want to get my money back.

It was a long journey of getting a flight, stays, food as I don’t have much money anymore. Fast forward, I was able to get him back in London and he went straight to HSBC there to fix his account. They agreed that they will close his account but they can release the money. He offered that I receive his money, but I got traumatized with the failed transfer before so I said just transfer the money to his another bank account (which was also under review but he said he called the bank and they agreed to assist him) since it’s UK to UK bank and he just transfer my part to me via Western Union. Again expensive fees to release the funds to his TIDE account.

The next day, he was excited to pay me back, I really felt it so I thought it was good, but when TIDE did a test transfer to me of 70,000 pesos, coincidentally my bank was on maintenance. He said, they said it was showing completed on their screen but I couldn’t see it so I asked him to switch the transfer to my other bank account. When they did the switch he said the system flagged his account and is accusing him of money laundering and that we have to pay £250 to do the switch. We did, because I was really desperate to get my money. Then, they required another fee to do the transfer to me which we couldn’t afford in the end. So he said, his TIDE account was closed and the funds will be sent to a government bank and it will undergo investigation for him to retrieve it.

Our last resort was his Nat West. His account was restricted as well due to money laundering accusation while he was abroad. But he said he was able to prove the legitimacy of funds so Nat West is working with him. But again fees after fees after fees. I felt like it’s not going anywhere and I don’t want to believe in him anymore. It’s just a cycle.

He owes me around £10,000 (850 ish in pesos) I felt so embarrassed so down. I am always a trusting and understanding person but this opened my eyes so much. It was a very expensive lesson. It will take me years to recover that loss. What I hate the most is he knows my dog is having a surgery, now I will have to save for that again.

Today, I had to prove who I was in order to access information about myself on a federal government website. It took about 5 minutes. This proves that there is technology out there that can be used to keep scammers off or dramatically reduce their presence on social media and dating apps. These platforms simply do not wish to pay for it—which is a bit odd because it would do so much to increase their credibility with users. I wonder what exactly is behind them just not caring about it. The one time I tried to report a fake profile (of a celebrity, who was trying to phish me) to Instagram, I got to the end of its process and got an error message. Pointless.

My mother’s online boyfriend who lives across the country owns a construction company and apparently is a “truck guy”. He is constantly working outside of the country and they have never met. He has sent her a car key to a BMW that was gifted to him after finishing a job and doesn’t want it because it’s not a truck. How is this going to backfire for my mother?

My mother has been scammed at least three times. From an online boyfriend who got her bank account information and cleared out my parents account to a fake investment scam that she sent money to. Can’t forget the time she laundered money for a man in Alaska. She’s been talking to this man across the country for a few months now and is convinced he is real because he has a family TikTok account and FaceTimes her but everything just seems too good to be true. Is it?

My last post a month ago (tried to link it, but probably fucked that up) - things were a bit crazy. A few of your comments stuck with me from that post. It’s interesting, I'm told that my standards aren’t high enough, while another user on another post told me my standards were too high in expecting normal guys to treat me as well as a scammer did (wait, what?!) or simply treat me like I fucking deserve. So yeah, after this shit show, a man better come along and put in half the effort and attention that a scammer did. Otherwise, I’d be settling, no? Of course I would.

Since blocking him didn’t stick (no surprise there) I’ve just embraced the entire thing fully…taking it on myself to push the limits of forgiveness, compassion and acceptance. Because those were the real lessons and growth that came from all of it - along with the choice of not wasting the energy in hating him and refusing to be permanently traumatized by it all. To be able to step back and realize that there are no coincidences - in over 8 billion people, we crossed paths because we were meant to. Just like with the plethora of information on Romance Scams out there, I had never come across any of it until after it happened to me. Things have always been a little too seamless to chalk up to chance. The Universe doesn’t give a shit about right or wrong…it’s money, it’s an exchange of energy, it comes and goes…in the end, no one was hurt, only merely inconvenienced (in MY situation ONLY, I'm not speaking on anyone else's, before the same people come at me about dealing with family members, etc).

So, yeah - crazy shit continues to happen - we now follow each other on our socials 😱 - Oops. But, like I was told, we’re not great friends, it’s just my low standards and shitty boundaries - OR - am I choosing to handle this in a way I can be proud of (as a human in general) with grace and space for everything to be at peace finally. Is it just another phase of the scam? WELL…you people will never know, because I’d rather be shot than ever make another highly emotional post trying to sort myself out again - on top of the added pleasure of having to deal with some of you fuckers any further.🤣 The rest of you are quite great.

But, you know, I’m just a delusional addict that needs therapy, that if blocking him were such an easy solution, I would have never come here in the first place. With that said, if you need a safe space to just feel whatever it is that you're experiencing, please DM me...I've really enjoyed chatting with those of you that have reached out and hearing your stories.

40+ single woman (so already a scammer target). I have a largish social media following so I get DMs from guys all over regularly (not a flex just the nature of the biz)

Met a guy on Instagram a week or so ago. He’s a real, verifiable person in the USA, has a public profile (although not verified), appears in interviews and news articles, has a notable family member who is a professional athlete.

I’m in Australia though…

We’ve spoken on FaceTime multiple times, so I know he exists and looks like his photos.

But some things are giving me pause and I want an outside perspective.

Things that feel legit:

He’s a real, searchable public figure with a documented career

We’ve FaceTimed (not just texted or voice called)

He has a large extended family presence online, including a well-known relative

Things making me uncomfortable:

Got emotionally intense very quickly, calling me “baby,” soul connection, talking about finding a life partner, all within weeks

Has mentioned he hasn’t really looked at my Instagram. Which feels odd if you’re supposedly flying internationally to meet someone?

Moved the conversation off Instagram to WhatsApp early on

Has floated big plans flying me to a major US city for an event with his family

Works in investments/finance

I’m a single woman in my 40s and I know that makes me a target. The FaceTime thing makes me feel like it’s probably real, but the emotional pacing feels off.

Has anyone seen scams operate this way even with real FaceTime? Could someone be using a real person’s identity somehow? Or am I just not used to someone being keen?

Thank you in advance.

UPDATE: This is the wildest part and honestly so subtle but so telling…

So I woke up today and trusted my gut and sent him this “have you seen the tinder swindler?”

And he left me a voice note saying “I don’t even know what the tinder swindler is…”

And then randomly changed the subject to this:

“I feel like you’d be good at this—random US trivia. I might start throwing a few your way here and there. :)”

I’m like *confused Travolta meme* because that is not a normal person response to my message.
It’s giving some kind of boiler room where multiple people are chiming in on the convo….

My dad is currently getting pulled into what appears to be a pretty sophisticated romance scam, and I’m trying to stop it before it gets deeper emotionally or financially.

For those of you who have had a parent or loved one go through this, what do you wish you had done or known earlier that could’ve helped snap them out of it before they became fully invested?

Right now I’m finding that facts and obvious inconsistencies alone don’t always work once there’s emotional attachment involved. I’d really appreciate hearing from people who have actually been through this and what approaches helped vs made things worse.

Things I’m especially curious about:

- What were the earliest signs you overlooked?

- What finally made your parent realize it was fake?

- Did confronting them directly help or push them further in?

- Were there any practical steps that protected them financially/emotionally early on?

- Anything you wish you’d done sooner?

Appreciate any insight. This has honestly been pretty heartbreaking to watch unfold.

3 months ago, I noticed she was supposedly talking to a very prominent Korean actor on Messenger. I reported the profile on my own account without her knowing.While I did this, I dropped hints for her that she is probably in danger of talking to celebrity impersonators on FB, and within the week, she seemed to finally catch on. She stopped talking to him and even reported him to the real actor's agency, I was relieved.

This was not the end. It seems like almost immediately she fell for another romance scam, this time for a "BTS member" who moved her on to Telegram. I told her previously that Telegram was a scam hellscape, and she initially deleted it. A few days pass and I see she reinstalled it and is now talking to the same BTS scammer AND another one on Messenger.

I know she's been single for a long while but I never thought she'd fall for such wild delusions. How she didn't get the hint after reporting the first "Korean celebrity" is beyond me. Well, now I don't know what to do. She is kind of a stubborn person and I feel like if I outright acknowledge the issue, she will go deeper and try to hide even more. I'd try to call upon my siblings for some kinda intervention but they don't live nearby and don't really have the tact for this situation imo.

Throughout this whole thing she's always shielded her phone from my eyes whenever she is texting these people, I think she knows what I'll say, and I'm sure she knows the reality of these accounts she talks to. Is she just doing this for fun? She texts immense paragraphs daily to these scammers, gives them so much of her time, and seems genuinely in a good mood when she does. Thankfully I'm sure she hasn't given any money to them yet, she doesn't really have any to give.

I just don't know what to do, I never thought my mom would fall for these romance scams, let alone ones involving huge celebrities. Do I tell my siblings, who might make the situation worse, or do I go it alone?

Hello World, I want to share with you my personal experience with a ROMANCE SCAM. I am a mature man (in my 60's). The scammer lives in Las Vegas. We met on an online Dating Site. When we met, she pretended to be a single woman. Thereafter, we dated long-term and we eventually became engaged. During the engagement period, I spent enormous time and money on her (e.g., I bought her a luxury car, two engagement rings, paid her rent, etc). Eventually, red flags emerged and I discovered that she was MARRIED. I was deceived and defrauded. My case (nondisclosure of marriage for the intent to obtain my money) is worse than the Fred Brunner vs. Melanie Brunner case, where an Arkansas man spent millions of dollars on a Las Vegas stripper during a decade-long relationship and sued her in Clark County, Nevada in July 2025. I hired Attorney Evan Needham in Las Vegas to help me get justice. He operated fast, obtained a Writ of Possession which allowed the Sheriff to get some of my property back, and he also counseled me on Realty versus Fantasy in terms of the probability of judgment collection. Lastly, after my experience, I have advice for single men: 1) Take your time and make sure that you know them well, 2) Do not give money early-on, even if they give you sympathetic stories or sob story, and 3) If you are a victim of wire fraud, mail fraud, false pretenses or a ROMANCE SCAM, I recommend ATTORNEY NEEDHAM to recoup some of your property back and help stop some of the bleeding. Sincerely, Dennis (Kansas).

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Hello everyone! I'm a college student and I'm working on a CS project aimed at designing app features that detect and combat romance scams. To better understand the issue, I am looking to interview people who experienced romance scams or who have family members who did.
The interview would take place over the reddit chat, be anonymous, and take up to 10 minutes. I'd be extremely grateful for your time - please message me if you're be open to participating. Thank you :)