r/OpenMarriageR4R

Hi there I’m 23 years old and in dire need of some advice. I’m going to start a little from the beginning.

My husband and I had met when we were 16/17 years old. He was the only one I ever looked at - the only person I was really really in love with. I’ve had one other relationship besides him and the man was just really toxic. He helped me get past it. My husband has always been more into the kinkier stuff - like opening up the marriage but mostly with just me going out and dating or hooking up with people. At first I was hesitant - I wasn’t really into that in the beginning but we talked and we tried it out a couple times and each time I felt incredibly guilty.

Around last year I tried again with the openness with one guy someone I met from a vape shop and I thought you know this year has been shitty - I was in a toxic household with my brother who abused me constantly, friends that left me and family that had passed away I was incredibly unhappy - well that guy from the vape shop made me not seem as lonely. It seemed like my husband never really made time for me, was always out with friends which I understood cause his mother was about to pass away which is why we both thought opening the marriage would help - with my mental and all. Well the vape guy I had met it ended poorly - he turned to be an asshole so I went about my day but it made me realize how much I did enjoy having someone else that made some time for me.

Now this is where it gets… rough. I ended up on my friends discord server and met this guy. At first it really was just friends and he lived in Arizona and I thought nothing of it until we started flirting - I let my husband know of this all and he was totally fine with it. I started talking to this guy everyday and all night - it was like breath of fresh air and yes I knew that this might be a honeymoon stage when we first started talking but it’s now seven months in.

I’m in love with this new man - he loves everything I do. He’s out going, he makes me smile - my husband had always been more introverted and awkward which I do adore but the more I spend time with this new guy the more I love the idea of having someone outgoing like myself. I’ve met the guy I’m seeing in person multiple times now, I’ve met his family while staying with them in Arizona and honestly I fell in love with it there. It was…. Amazing. I felt like a different person and now I’m at cross roads - I don’t like the thought of an open relationship anymore and just wanna be with one person - I told my husband that I’m thinking of separation or divorce with him and I feel like such an asshole. It was never supposed to go this far and I feel like I made it this far. My parents know of the other guy and multiple people do at this point - I don’t know what to do. My husband isn’t a bad person - it just seems like we’re at two different spots in our life and I don’t know what to do and to make it worse I’m in love with this new person and I’m trying to figure it all out.

Nothing complicated about it just a simple moment and a bit of confidence. No need to overthink it, just a quick reply and we keep it easy.

Maybe you’re not looking to blow up your life. Maybe you just miss feeling something.

Not chaos. Not drama. Not another boring conversation that goes nowhere. Just that feeling of being genuinely drawn in again; mentally, emotionally, maybe a little dangerously.

I’m looking for one woman who values discretion, depth, and the kind of connection that doesn’t feel forced. Someone who’s tired of the usual app nonsense. The lazy questions. The shallow back-and-forth. Men who want access to you without ever really wanting to know you. That part has always baffled me.

I’m much more interested in what’s underneath. What shaped you. What excites you. What you’re missing. What you think about late at night when everything is quiet. I like real conversation, natural chemistry, and that slow build where the mind gets there first and everything else follows.

I’m in my mid-30s, fit, calm, confident, educated, professional and very comfortable in my own skin. I’ve traveled a lot, read a lot, lived enough to know that the most interesting women are rarely the loudest ones in the room. I’m drawn to women with presence; women who are intelligent, self-aware, a little playful, a little guarded, and have a side to them not everyone gets to see.

What I offer is simple: attention, consistency, discretion, and an experience that feels like stepping outside the usual noise for a while. Something easy. Something exciting. Something that feels good to come back to.

No games. No unnecessary complications. Just honesty, attraction, and the kind of connection that makes you look forward to your phone lighting up.

You should be open-minded, emotionally intelligent, and know the difference between empty attention and real pull. You should like conversation as much as chemistry, and chemistry as much as the feeling of being fully seen.

Start with this:

"What’s something you’ve been craving lately that you haven’t said out loud?"

Hey everyone, I’m a 25 year old guy based in NY/Long Island looking to connect with a couple interested in adding a third to their dynamic.

I’m pretty easygoing fun loving, outgoing, and drama-free. I enjoy good conversation, going out, staying active, and just vibing with the right people. I value communication, respect, and making sure everyone feels comfortable and included.

Ideally looking for something within a commutable distance so we can actually spend quality time together and build something real not just online.

If you’re a couple looking for someone genuine, chill, and open-minded, feel free to reach out. Happy to chat and see if we click 🙂