Falling for someone else
Hi there I’m 23 years old and in dire need of some advice. I’m going to start a little from the beginning.
My husband and I had met when we were 16/17 years old. He was the only one I ever looked at - the only person I was really really in love with. I’ve had one other relationship besides him and the man was just really toxic. He helped me get past it. My husband has always been more into the kinkier stuff - like opening up the marriage but mostly with just me going out and dating or hooking up with people. At first I was hesitant - I wasn’t really into that in the beginning but we talked and we tried it out a couple times and each time I felt incredibly guilty.
Around last year I tried again with the openness with one guy someone I met from a vape shop and I thought you know this year has been shitty - I was in a toxic household with my brother who abused me constantly, friends that left me and family that had passed away I was incredibly unhappy - well that guy from the vape shop made me not seem as lonely. It seemed like my husband never really made time for me, was always out with friends which I understood cause his mother was about to pass away which is why we both thought opening the marriage would help - with my mental and all. Well the vape guy I had met it ended poorly - he turned to be an asshole so I went about my day but it made me realize how much I did enjoy having someone else that made some time for me.
Now this is where it gets… rough. I ended up on my friends discord server and met this guy. At first it really was just friends and he lived in Arizona and I thought nothing of it until we started flirting - I let my husband know of this all and he was totally fine with it. I started talking to this guy everyday and all night - it was like breath of fresh air and yes I knew that this might be a honeymoon stage when we first started talking but it’s now seven months in.
I’m in love with this new man - he loves everything I do. He’s out going, he makes me smile - my husband had always been more introverted and awkward which I do adore but the more I spend time with this new guy the more I love the idea of having someone outgoing like myself. I’ve met the guy I’m seeing in person multiple times now, I’ve met his family while staying with them in Arizona and honestly I fell in love with it there. It was…. Amazing. I felt like a different person and now I’m at cross roads - I don’t like the thought of an open relationship anymore and just wanna be with one person - I told my husband that I’m thinking of separation or divorce with him and I feel like such an asshole. It was never supposed to go this far and I feel like I made it this far. My parents know of the other guy and multiple people do at this point - I don’t know what to do. My husband isn’t a bad person - it just seems like we’re at two different spots in our life and I don’t know what to do and to make it worse I’m in love with this new person and I’m trying to figure it all out.