Eventually, i'll become folded chair.

_quats_

The lampshade is made out of the awkardness that forms when a person says “I bite my toenails off” during a conversation, this is so that when a lightbulb attempts to invade the lampshades homeland and screw itself in, it is met with a micro-sized russian-accented hamster wearing a peaked cap adorned with a red star and a large moustache

Turkeys also want to invade the lampshades homeland and launch a military operation on lampshade territory with the intent of capturing it for the use of making donuts, the conflicts between the turkeys and the lampshades have mirrored that of the India Pakistan conflicts.

This morning a banana without bones walked up a tophat and jumped into a swimming pool to look for the planet it just lost

Is my game. Charged, I'm sure.

Are you a secret spy to?

"When you think about it, it makes a lot of sense," said Jim, and he was basically speaking nonsense. I turned my entire head at 360 degrees and honed in on the OrganicMan who was laying idle on a curb at my feet.

"Human Slop," I exclaimed, "have you seen this," I said to Jim, who clanked noisily towards me and halted, his head and arms spinning in all directions as they typically did.

"Why, that's a Creator," Jim reasoned, "we ought pay deference to it," and he began to vomit xeroxes from the hole in his face, several dozen sheets of paper which had absorbed a selective patterning of ink from a printing cartridge and formed a facsimile of various positive messages, "it'll appreciate that," said Jim, "when it wakes from its narcotics and alcohol induced torpor."

All of a sudden the Humans tiny eyes had opened wide and it began to make large mouth noises.

It was at that moment that I woke from my afternoon nap and found myself quite out of sorts. I called for the Housekeeper and began to berate her for the rest of the afternoon about my funny dream.

"It's very interesting," she kept lying, "what an odd dream," she would say, and various things of this nature.

"That's as may be," I would reply, "but did you know that back when I was a small boy in 2026 that we could scarce have imagined that one day we would be able to create facsimiles of the written word by the dexterous usage of printing cartridges, why," I would go on, "it puts the Gutenberg Press to shame," and 'round and 'round we would go repeating the exact same conversation until one of us became wearied and insisted we "had to leave" because our "time was up for the day."

Chapter 11

"Have you ever been to Nacogdoches?"

I was watching John Wayne on the Television when my Wife walked in and put this question to me.

"What in Gods name are you blathering about, Earlene?" I shouted, rising to my feet by aid of a pair of walking sticks, and she repeated the question as if it bore some manner of import that I ought have known off the cuff.

I followed her into the Drawing Room and found that she had been arranging cuttings from the garden on the Breakfast Table but before I could gather my wits about me to rebuke her for this, I found that she had become engaged by the Housekeeper who seemed most impressed by the clutter of rotten and rotting flora.

"I've no time for this," I shouted, and began the process of moving my entire body around on my walking sticks in order that I might undertake the tiresome and tedious journey back to my comfy chair.

Several hours later I sat down and realized that the John Wayne picture had concluded.

I began to curse.

It was at that moment that the telephone began to ring.

"Now who could that be?" I said aloud, as if making pains to hold the attention of the reader.

TO BE CONTINUED

NEXT ISSUE: JOSEPH GOEBBELS COMES TO SUPPER (AND HE BRINGS HIS FRIENDS)

what....its not what it looks like! i wasnt sniff testing my underwear before,...oh never mind. please plass the jelly.

All cereal boxes... I FEEL HOW THEY SPIN. YOU FEEL ME?? I feel when rainbow fall. MY BUS STOP STARTED TO FLY INSTEAD OF BIRDS. DOORS OF MY BUS RIDE OFF WITHOUT THE BUS. WE MAKE HISTORY MY DEAR NONSENSERERS.

We're so back.

Clap happy shenanigans of the surf queen dream. Serene cleaners of the lean genie

News Channel 10 investigates! More at 11!

So, I was doing the walk today, like all the time on the trees, and I found a fart just standing there. Man I can't tell you how frustrating that is. Maybe you don't see farts walking around where you're from, so I understand if you're not very empathetic with my distress, but I can tell you they are HORRIBLE in all senses. They are emotionally painful to be around.

So I kicked it the fuck away. Yuck on my foot but no problem, right? Turns out this fart was holding the whole sky around the area. Next thing I know, I'm running out of a tight tunnel, covered in shit and giant acid-spitting insects. I seriously feared for my life then, and even now, having returned home and washed, I fear for my safety.

I know it will return. I've seen it in the intersection between the third and fourth avenues, looking around for me with three buddies that I know from school. I need a hand to travel to a safe spot. I am currently affected mentally and physically, I can't do much until I recover.

before the ShortStory you must read the Advertisement for my OnlyFans: "You're just a poached guffin, you've mint sauce for blood," sometimes when we're laying in the bed the painful words of our peers from State School manifest within our old factory senses and the most we can do is curse at the ceiling whilst attempting to put the matter out mind. Now, if you've a sixpence from your Work you'd be best give it me here, for I'm PrettyGirl.

"I say Tim, have you heard the latest PopularMusic?"

Tim handed me his Woggle, "you can hold it to your ear," he explained, as if I was a simpleton.

I began to listen to the musical score and realized almost immediately that it was a crude recording of a British Woman singing "the wheels on the bus go 'round and 'round," and I handed my chum back his Woggle.

"Yes, I find it most pleasing," I lied, "but I'm recollecting narrative," I went on, "for the sake of the reader," and I pointed toward the reader, who seemed taken aback by the disturbance.

We both stared at the reader, "who are you?" I asked, and my chum, whose face was now a scowl, "what are you doing on the bus?"

Slowly we each raised our wanking hands and formed a point with a single finger, "stranger," we began to shout, over and over again until the reader became even more disturbed and sought to flee the bus all in a panic, but it was too late as the Police had been telephoned already.

I went back to my copy of The Financial Times, flicking the entire paper in a most delightful way.

"Talk about old factory senses," my chum went on, leaning in close so I could smell the crayfish on his breath, " you wouldn't believe what my Millennial Girl Boss In A Mini had me do this afternoon after CoffeeBreak," and he seemed eager to tell me, so I gave no response - knowing well that to ignore a person was to prompt their sudden interest, "I say there," he shouted, "Tim, Tim," he began to push me against the bus window and tear my newspaper from my hands, by now he was screaming and half-crying, the look of frenetic desperation and fear plastered across his face, "it was her Fanny," he was screaming, which was what we call the Vagina in England.

"Oh for Gods sake," I shouted, taking off my spectacles and causing my chum to fall silent, "you don't go one day without saying Fanny on the Public Transport," I chided him in a manner most stern, "now hand me back my newspaper," I instructed, "and let me be for the remainder of the journey."

The Wheels Upon Yon Bus, they turn in rapid speed

whilst disabled Men and Women ride atop;

their faces shine with Glee,

for of like-mind whilst on the road they're journey on to Shop,

on crack at wheel is Driverman, out of his path Young Mother hops.

The carnage spread like Peanut Butter 'cross Toasted Bread of Street,

a Man falls down for being struck, clutching his Mangled Feet.

The Wheels Upon Yon Bus, they form a blur like a chainsaw blade run right,

whilst in their wake lay broken forms, and twisted childrens bikes.

lo' on the bus oblivious are faces shone with Glee,

the very best of Finer Minds reaped from nearby Germany,

"der hunt," one says, repeatedly, whilst jabbing his finger at the window,

he's seen a Dog, he knows what's up, and he makes of it a show.

The Driverman an graduate in Marinebiology and such pursuits

but sundered by Economic force his scholarly ambition bore no fruits,

now he's gone off the road again, his MapQuest steered him wrong

and at hundred miles per hour he's driven deep into TownPond.

The bus in flames, the shining faces now terrified and a glow

with dawn of sudden mortality, to Heaven each they go.

The Wheels Upon Yon Bus, they churn water spitting up

right in the face of rescuers, algae and pond stuff,

it causes Me to splutter and to shield myself with my Muff.

After the city saw months of nonstop rainfall, a virus was released and millions were infected. It was the start of but the avocado. The only human or AI left in the city but there's a big flower blocking the way. Let me check on Kyle, oh sh-

I recommend you do this or else The Turkey will chase you into a conundrum where T-shirts with wings fly into cabinets and chocolate Iphones rotate like the revolutionaries they used to be

How are you guys doing this? I watched a few videos on youtube but i can’t seem to get it.

What am i doing wrong?

Setup:

Chicken wire frame

Ham joint

Dog hair (25 pounds)

Bovine hair (25 pounds)

Half eaten package of Marlboro cigarettes

Seven birthday candles (cut in half)

On a seven hour drying cycle in dryer on low.

No one is going to buy it, but it was a bargain! The latter day aints and I came into the camel and salted the delicious caramel! Nouice is nouice!

Now is the time for you to find it in your question?

He blends in with my dijon now.

Couch is from behind the Chinese restaurant by my house.

Why not try Dotty Dingleberry's homemade organic charcoal potato eggs? You can't beat 'em!