I don’t experience romantic attraction very often and the few times I do it’s quite muted. Muted to the point where idk if I’m experiencing romantic attraction or alterous attraction. I’ve never really dated before. What do I tell people. For context I’m pansexual and greyromantic.
I'm unsure whether this counts but: I rarely have crushes. The only crush I've had to this point was a boy from elementary school. He was a total stranger and to be honest I'm not sure how I even fell in love. The crush went away most likely when I noticed that I couldn't see him anymore. And if it counts, also a fictional crush when I was the same age.
I mostly believe everyone in my school or at least class has been/is in a relationship or has a crush or two. It kind of boosts my ego in a "oh, I'm not into that cheesy drama stuff" kind of way. Obviously I'm not against their relationships, though.
I think I didn't have any more crushes because I don't socialize as much, or maybe all the boys I know aren't as mature or have as much empathy. I don't know.
But I love romance. I love shipping characters, hearing about happy couple moments and anything related - including angst. So you can probably guess I often daydream about having a crush or being in a relationship. Sometimes I get kinda delusional when I'm close to someone or they're nice to me in a certain way and hope or guess that they'll be my crush - but it never worked that way.
On the other hand, the thought of being in a relationship makes me a bit nervous. First worry that comes in my mind is the responsibility. What if I don't text back in time? What if I'm too clingy or too distant? What if I forget their favorite things? What if I forget their birthday? What if they find someone better than me? I don't intend to hurt anybody.
And at the moment, the first things that come into my mind regarding what I can do with a romantic partner is having the fluffy feeling/moment of them actually listening to my interests and matching fictional characters and such with them. So maybe I'm just too young.
The "feeling weak romantic attraction" part of the label doesn't really fit me, because when I had the boy crush I was pretty lovesick and even asked him his name. However, the "rarely feels romantic attraction" part is kinda close, I think? I don't know what's the amount of crushes the average teenager has.
Also, the label feels a bit odd. Could I be greyromantic or on the aromantic spectrum in some way?
Most of the time I'm totally fine with the way I experience attraction. No sexual at all and romantic attraction is few and far between. Heck most of the time I don't even long for a romantic partner. I've got amazing friends, family, and a QPR partner. For the majority of my life, it's a feast of love and I'm satisfied.
But then the romantic radar will finally ping on someone and it brings The Longing. This deep gut wrenching twisting heart aching *pull* to be with that person and it HURTS. Because is that one single radar ping ever someone who's available or that I even know? No! The last 10 years it's exclusively been minor celebrities (and only three of them). And the way my gray-romantic radar works is that it won't just ping on someone once and move on, it gets stuck on them. For YEARS sometimes.
"There's plenty of fish in the sea!"
Yeah? Well what happens when your radar doesn't register fish as FISH. The ocean is a big wide empty space where everyone else sees all these potential connections. What happens when your radar only pings once in a rare couple years and then stays locked on that person? Despite there being absolutely no chance?
"Just get on the dating apps!"
Listen every queer allo friend of mind who's still single has struggled with the dating apps already. You think my nonbinary gray-ro ace ass stands a chance?? The likelihood of my radar actually pinging on someone who likes me back is about as hopeless as searching for a needle in the forest.
And even so... I don't know that anyone would actually want me. Not because I think little of myself, thank god for therapy we've gotten a lot better there. But because I'm 37 and have never been on a single date. Never held hands. Never kissed. Who at this age is going to want to work through all that uncertainty and lack of experience? Would anyone actually openly and honestly want that without fetishizing it or seeing it as a conquest?
I wish this piece of me would just die. Like... If you're going to be that weak and unreliable, just go. Just leave. Stop making me feel like this and yearning for something that has so little chance of ever happening. Stop tearing me up inside. Just let me live with the love I have in my life and let that be enough without throwing daggers into my soul.
Just let me live without this pain.
(Sorry to anyone who got this far. I don't have any other gray-ro folks in my life and I don't think the rest of my friends fully get it. I just needed to scream into the void. Thank you for listening, internet void. 💛)
It feels so weird having so little romantic attraction to people because sometimes I straight up forget I have crushes on people.
I’d be talking to someone and the instant they leave the room I remember “oh shit I like that person”
I currently have the strongest and longest lasting crush I’ve ever had and I do all that cliche teen girl stuff like kick my feet when I think about them, fantasies about our wedding, etc. But the instant we’re together all that disappears and at most my crush is a passing thought before I instantly forget again.
I’m sharing this because I’m curious to see if anyone else has had this experience or if I’m just special lol.