r/Comebacks

For context she's 20 and is hitting on a 16yr old, using autism as an excuse for her behaviour

My teacher posted on Google Classroom about the Arsenal dub. I’m pissed. I urgently need a comment to humble him, this cannot stand.

And is not that nice "bless you" that a sweet grandma would tell you, it's the one that someone whose only religious activity is sitting their ass in church for the looks and then forget the "love your neighbor" thing the moment she goes out the church doors would say.

In context, its an old white bitch who you know is specifically using it in the mean southern way.

Its just so bulletproof, I feel any response makes you look like the bad one.

Consider myself a pretty nice guy and don’t really like being mean (nor am I good at it) but always envied people who could clap back instantly and actually have it land. That begs the question: Are you guys so quick-witted that you think of these insults on the fly, finding them somewhere else and just playing it off as original, or do you always think of ways to insult people and just wait until they deserve it to spit it out?

I need help for comebacks I need to roast ppl

This is so annoying. What's a response to "Why are you mad?" or "Don't be mad" when you aren't mad in the first place? It feels like saying anything is defensive and then you eventually do get mad because the other person doesn't believe that you weren't mad in the first place.

Im 14f with Level 1 autism, and 3 months ago some grown ass man comes up to my dad in Wholefoods laughing and asks him "is he autistic?" not realizing i can hear him, i didnt respond but my dad laughed too saying "yeah, how could you tell" and they continued yapping how the man works with autistic kids etc. and i only say "what is he saying?" to my dad to which my dad says "he said "you have a nice family"" but why the HELL would that involve laugther? i just stared at my dad as they kept on talking, Anything i should try next time this or something similar happens? what do i say to them? BTW my dad is actually aware im not comfortable telling ANYONE about my mental disorder.