r/ChildSupport

I’m wondering people’s opinions on child support. I have two children ages 13 and 11. I stayed home with the kids most of their younger years and have only started working full time in the last 3 years when me and their father separated, so I make significantly less than my ex, but I am now working on my building my career. We have 50/50 custody but I am still their primary caregiver i.e. I book every doctors appointment, dentist appointment, hair cuts, buy school lunches, pay for school trips, give the kids allowance, everything you can think of. He gives me about $1000 a month in child support. Is it unfair for me to ask him to help me cover larger purchases? My daughter will need a new laptop for high school which will be around $500, I paid for her school uniform which was $300, my son needed special glasses that cost $500. Are these things that I should be covering with child support? Or should he help me pay? My salary isn’t great yet and his $1000 helps me pay for rent and food and there isn’t a lot left over for all these extras. But when I ask him to help me with the big expenses, he either ignores me or says that’s what he gives me child support for. So I’m wondering, should I stop asking and just assume what he gives me should cover everything or should he be helping more?

I pay x amount of child support, and I wanted to get opinions about something that is bothering me. I have 2 kids with my ex wife, my son’s birthday was Sunday, he is 3, I did not get him any gifts, his mother did. I live 6 hours away, and showed ip to see him for his birthday. My ex wife’s mother asked me if i got him anything, i looked at her, she looked at me and said “oh no you didnt, huh”. My thoughts are that i pay so much in child support, am i obligated to get him a gift? If that makes me a bad father, then i am guilty.

Thoughts?

Stbx is relocating voluntarily overseas (not job related). He is the noncustodial parent. He is trying to reduce child support based on the exorbitant travel costs that will be necessary to transport three minor children back and forth 3x per year. I literally cannot afford to budget international travel costs. Thoughts? Anyone had any experience with this? I know travel costs are typically split but this seems like a unique situation.

Can someone explain what child support trial looks like? I have had three conferences for child support, where a temporary order was issued. I’ve submitted every document the court requested. NCP only submitted W2 from 2025 and has not submitted any other documents the court requested. Magistrate said if we don’t settle this by upcoming July hearing we will be going to trial. How will trial be different from the conferences we have been having?

TIA.

I am currently going through a child support situation that I’m very concerned about.

I currently pay $900.00 a month in support as of september 2025

I recently got 50/50 temporary custody of my daughter a couple months ago in march and have been waiting to get my support lowered since then.

I have no concerns about getting my support lowered or anything.

I’ve been in contact with my case worker who I thought was trying to help me in good faith considering he’s seen me pay my support on time and when he told me that she kept coming to the offices to get them to take my full support amount in the first week of the month.

He’s been very helpful in getting my case moved up in available dates so I wouldn’t have to wait so long. I felt as if he is truly trying to be helpful.

But 2 days ago he called me and said that my daughters mom was seeking a continuance on the case and im guessing thats because we have a continuance on our permanent custody trial a week ago.

But he continued to say that he wanted to know if I wanted to agree to that and I obviously said no considering the case is a week away.

I spoke to my daughters mom today about her doctors appointment and she asked why I wasn’t trying to converse with her longer than usual and I told her why. She told me that they called her monday and told her to get an attorney. Then she said that they asked if she would want a continuation of the case based on that fact.

Now Im not really sure why my case worker asked her this considering he TOLD ME SHE HAD AN ATTORNEY BEFORE HAND!

But its very concerning to me and i feel like im being played with. I dont know who to trust.

Any input or past experiences with something similar to this?

Hey everyone. I’m just looking for some advice from fellow dads that might have had to go through this in the past or knows someone who has. I live in Ontario Canada, I’m 26 years old with a 5 year old daughter. Me and my ex fiancée separated a year ago and just recently she’s informed me that she’s been looking into lawyers to get child support from me. I’m not upset about it in any means and I’m not a confrontational person but I need some help. I have my daughter on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and every other weekend. She’s under my health insurance, I pay for all of her extra curriculars and most of her school supplies, fieldtrips, pizza days ect. I have a really good paying job and so does she, I make between 110-130k a year and she’s sitting around 80-90. Even though we’re separated she drives a brand new suv that I bought and currently pay for (all in my name), pay her insurance and phone bills every month and all of that combined is $1,261 a month. I feel in a way that I’m being taken advantage of and that comment she made saying shes debating child support court rubbed me the wrong way a little bit. I didn’t react in a negative way and just said “okay, thank you for letting me know” but it does deep down bother me that every time I see her she has her hair done from a salon, nails and eyelashes are always done, always buying new luxury items yet wants more money from me for our daughter… is there any advise out there or idea on how things will go if she goes through with it? I feel at a loss and can use any encouraging words, support or advice. Thank you so much

I have 50/50 custody of my daughter with her dad.
He's taking me to court for child support, but I lost my job last month and he still wants me to pay child support. I don't have any income. I pulled money from my 401k just to get by until | can secure another job but the lady from child support called and said they are going to use my income from when I was working to determine how much I have to pay him. I need help with this because it doesn't even sound legal when I don't have an income at the moment. Does anyone have any insight or knowledge on anything like this

Am I wrong for wanting to withhold partial payment to cover unplanned summer camp?

We pay child support for two kids to one mother. My spouse and the oldest child is going on a European trip which was planned for a few months. Instead of the mother adjusting her night work schedule, I have to keep the second child which was not planned. I decided to put that child in camp. Since I am not working and we paid for the European trip and we are keeping the kids for an entire month, I sent a text to the mother saying that I was withholding the cost of the camp from the next payment.

When the child support amount was set, she was not supposed to be working and she only wanted us to have the 2nd child every 3 weeks. Once everything was finalized, we got both kids EVERY weekend, even ALL holidays including Mother’s Day and most of the summers for the last 9 yrs!

My ex and I split in Nov 2024, divorce was finalized in Feb 2025. We have a (now) 4 year old. We have 50-50 custody and do 2-2-3. Since our split he hasn’t been working and so I never filed because he was watching her during the day and I figured it worked out financially. Recently he got a new job and wants me to pay $125 a week for childcare. I got screwed over financially and only have about $40 a week after all my bills and cannot afford that. He is making more than me at his job. He also has about 2k a month from disability from the army and an additional 1200 for the schooling benefit from the army. Should I even bother with filing for child support? We live in the mid-west.

I can’t afford a lawyer, but he’s gone over a year without any over nights. At one point he was giving me $150/month, only for a few months, has since stopped. Our court documents are from 2019, 50/50, no support either way. He did something similar for 10 months (14 overnights during that entire time) but was paying $150/month. I’m over it - but I also don’t want to open a can of worms. (He texts somewhat often and takes kid to dinner once or twice a month, so it’s not abandonment.) Do I simply file for modification? We were both pro se the first round, but golly, the stress of that may not outweigh the financial stress this has been.

So, my sons father is the utter definition of absent parent. Be that as it may, I play my cards right and I try to stay on top of everything and keep things as ethical and as fair as possible.

Currently I have a case through the state for child support. There is an active order, that he is avoiding paying on. I have sent them a new address for his location, but have not heard (or received) anything.

I just emailed them in April...do you think its too much to email again this month? I just want to make sure they haven't forgotten about us and can help get things moving again.

My children were both involved in a serious situation at their mothers house last September involving inappropriate touching by their step-father and since that day, they have been under my care and supervision 100% of the time. This placement was at the recommendation of CPS and has not changed up until now. Just recently mother has started to have supervised visits (1 hour per week), in which only one child is willing to participate.

Prior to that event we had a shared parenting plan that had the boys with me 6 days out of every 2 weeks and I was paying >$700 a month in support

I filed for a custody modification (including support modification) the first week in October and until now it has not been resolved. The main driver behind the extended time period was moving the case to a new jurisdiction where their mother lived and the incidents occurred. The new jurisdiction ordered that mother complete all the CPS recommended actions (she was refusing until that point) and a GAL has been appointed. GAL has interviewed the children and parents. She did notify me that both kids expressed a desire to live with me full time and attend my school district.

I have been paying all day to day expenses and medical/therapy bills. Does anyone have experience getting some reimbursement back in situations like this? I’ve purposefully have not made a stink about this because I don’t want it to be about the money and about the safety and wellbeing of the children BUT at the same time this seems really unfair based on all the events that have occurred and the current living arrangements. I feel like in 9 months something should have changed …

The first few years of my daughter’s life consisted of me and my child’s mom working out an agreement where I get her weekly from Friday-Sunday and we alternate holidays. Well one year she decided to keep my daughter for two holidays in a row and I got fed up, not only from that but she never included me in anything else pertaining to my daughter’s life. So with the advice from loved ones, I went and put myself on child support. This really gave me a lot more access to my child and rights as a father. The only downside was that I have to pay my child’s mother monthly, which I don’t think is fair because I get her 3 days out of the week and I drive 45 miles there and back 2 days a week. But lately she’s been pushing the envelope. She said she wants to keep my daughter for the month of June since I get to keep her the entire month of July. I don’t think it’s fair at all, but if I bring it up then she’ll revert to the child support order and force me to only get my daughter every other weekend. I really wish there was something I could do but it seems like I’m stuck. No matter how nice I am, she is determined to make things extra hard for me. Even this past May, my daughter graduated middle school and I did not know anything about this but luckily my daughter told me so I was able to get the info myself and attend the graduation, which shocked my child’s mom. Also, even tho my daughter is turning 14 and going to middle school her mom always tells her she’s not allowed to wear any of the clothes I buy her. Instead, she dresses my daughter in 5x tee shirts and extra baggy jeans. I don’t want my daughter getting bullied in high school and I don’t think it’s fair that even tho I buy her school clothes, she’s not allowed to wear those to school. Sometimes she really makes me depressed by making it hard on me. Also, my child’s grandmother on her mother’s side files my daughter on her taxes, which I think is illegal as hell.

A few years ago my role was eliminated due to corporate downsizing. At the time I was making $115k, living in NYC. The job market was rough (Adtech). Eventually after hundreds and hundreds of submitted job applications and unemployment running out, I started delivering for Amazon so that when my son came over I had food for him. As a result of losing my job, eventually my mortgage went into default and my car was repossessed and in the end I needed to sell my apartment.

Delivering for Amazon using my car before it was repossessed was a lifeline. One day while delivering in a really sketchy area, a individual who appeared mentally disabled attacked me and tried to sexually assault me. I was able to fight him off but that experience scared me and left me very emotionally vulnerable. That shit messed me up for a while. Yes I reported it and ironically a few days later my car was repossessed.

Fast forward and I’m living off the last of my saving and the struggle is real but throughout this events, when my son was with me (only had him every other weekend) he was well fed, clean, and honestly I worked so many odd jobs just to make sure he was good.

At some point I came to the realization that getting back into a adtech role was nearly impossible. I made a decision to go back to school and become a nurse. Through out my research I learned that I could complete an Associate Nursing Degree and qualify for the the nclex. I took it upon myself to become a licensed patient care technician in order to get a job at a hospital. Fast forward and 2 months into this path I was hired in a in-patient psych unit working for $28 per hour while attending school.

While working in the hospital I want to emphasize I was always still present emotionally, physically and financially to help support my son. I eventually decided to pursue a BSN in nursing per the guidance of my manager when she explained to me, that at the end of day, she had to justify why she hired a person with a associate degree versus a bachelor degree.

I eventually transferred from my community college and got accepted into NYU’s nursing program on my merit. I’m working part time and contribute and splitting all cost with my sons mom including his day care.

Fast forwards and his mom files for child support to the tune of $2500 per month. Even thought she knew what I was making. I only found out about the case when more than half my salary was garnished. I went to court and explained I was never served but it fell I death ears. After a year of providing pay stub after paystub after paystub and every other document requested, his mom was able
To convince the judge that I left my job intentionally in order to avoid child support.

None of which was true, not even close. I shared unemployment information and everything I could. Next thing you know my child support is now pushed to $325 per pay check from $199. I’m paid weekly and work part time. I make $30 and hour.

On top of this, our co-parenting agreement requires equal say in his education. I can not afford private school and what does the mom do, enroll him private school at a cost of $9000 per year (scholarship, tuition is $70k per year)

I agree to pay $2000 per year. His mom makes almost $200k per year. Eventually the judge decides that I should pay 39% for his education and 39% for his health insurance. Mind you i already had my son on my health insurance.

I work 2 days one week and 3 days the following week. I can get over time but it’s challenging when school starts back up In the fall. But at $325 per pay check , I now can’t afford to continue my schooling, which I went back to in order to provide a stronger financial supply for my son. And no I can not afford a lawyer. ChatGPT and these other platforms do not help with self representation.

Today I woke up emotionally exhausted. My son is now five years old and today for the first time I looked at him and all the emotional feelings I have toward his mom, I found myself looking at him and pushing him away. I know this is no fault of his own. I truly love my son but at the same time, this new order will hit my pay check soon and it just hurts that no matter what I do, I keep getting kicked down further and further and further.

Ironically my son is leaving for a European vacation with his mom in a few days for 6 weeks. I still owe his tuition for school plus my own tuition, if I work OT, i can’t afford to pay for anything. If I don’t work OT, I’m still broke.

I’m just ranting and wanted to put my feelings into words. I live in NYC and if you know of a lawyer who would do a payment plan or needs pro-bono hours, please direct message me. Thanks for reading and a heads up, I’m not planning to reply to any post. I do love my son, but I’m so emotionally drained. Also I’m not suicidal or intent to harm myself or others. Not my cup of tea, I’m just drained and wanted to vent my frustration. Thanks for reading.

I mean I genuinely read people’s stories and have talked to different people. I know people with kids on child support but still feels it’s dumb. In today’s society it just feels like the women/men just use it to avoid accountability and full responsibility. It takes 2 to tango both sides are at fault.

Women are the main ones I see about having no support from the father and filing for child support. Protection is very much available and works very well nowadays. Sexual discipline is really not hard and screening your partner.

Morally a man should be there and take care of his offspring. In reality though everyone has free will, you can’t make a man be a father or vice versa. Men solely are blamed all the time but it takes 2.

I really have yet to see someone with a legit reason for seeking child support other than to avoid accountability and use the government to take some of the weight of the consequences to their actions off them.

We really need to update the system.

My ex owes me about $4000 in back child support. Hasn’t paid in years. About 6 weeks ago I noted that I got a child support payment for $26. Got it every two weeks for three payments.

This week I look at my bank account and no shit, I got 4 cents. WTF

I was living and working in BC when my relationship ended. During that time I was covering rent, all household bills, and everything the kids needed — effectively acting as the sole financial provider. When my mother had a medical emergency abroad, I had to travel to my home country on approved leave, and my only income during that period was EI. I stopped making any payments to my ex while I was away, and shortly after I was terminated from my job and lost my immigration status in Canada.

My ex then filed a court application for child support. The judge imputed income based on my previous year's earnings, which no longer reflects my reality — my actual income since termination is zero. The arrears are accumulating based on a figure I cannot meet.

I am planning to return to Canada on a work permit, but the financial picture upon return is unworkable. I would be required to pay ongoing support plus accumulated arrears simultaneously, which would leave me unable to cover even basic living expenses. My lawyer recommended a variation application, but the likely outcome is the same — the judge will impute income based on what I previously earned in Canada, treating that as an achievable benchmark regardless of my actual circumstances abroad.

I also applied for a 50/50 parenting arrangement. The court awarded my ex full parenting time with a review scheduled upon my return. She has no incentive to agree to 50/50 because primary parenting time maximizes the government benefits and child support she receives, and the court will likely maintain the current arrangement.

The practical result is that I return to Canada, work, and hand over my entire salary while seeing my children one or two days at most. I am considering relocating to another province where wage garnishment is harder to enforce, just to be able to sustain myself while still contributing reasonable support.

What I actually want is 50/50 parenting. I want to be present for my children and pay support that is fair and sustainable for both households. My ex is not interested in negotiating any arrangement as long as the current financial structure remains in her favour.

AITA for filing to increase child support after doing my ex a favor and being mocked for it?
I (25F) share a toddler son with my ex. Originally, he had more parenting time, but now he only has our son every other weekend. I have our son about 26 days a month and cover almost all of his day-to-day expenses.
When child support was first calculated, I actually agreed to a much lower amount than I could have pursued. I did that because I didn’t want a huge court battle or to saddle him with years of arrears. I thought I was being reasonable and trying to keep things peaceful.
Instead of appreciating that, he constantly calls me “money hungry” anytime child support comes up. He taunts me, acts like I’m obsessed with his money, and tries to diminish the fact that I work hard and provide for our child every day. He has even implied that I should just be grateful for whatever he gives, despite the fact that I have our son the overwhelming majority of the time.
The part that frustrates me the most is that I genuinely feel like I did him a favor by accepting a lower amount initially. I could have fought harder for more support and potentially pursued larger arrears, but I didn’t. The judge even told him he was lucky he wasn’t being imputed for more after asking me if I wanted to contest. He owes 13K in arrears because I accepted the lowest minimum amount, which I accepted because I didn’t want him to struggle or have a hard time catching up. Now that circumstances have changed and I’m carrying even more of the financial and parenting responsibilities, I’m considering filing for a modification.
He’s now acting as if I’m selfish and greedy for wanting support to reflect reality.
I don’t want his money for me. I want my son to be supported fairly by both parents. But after being taunted and having my sacrifices minimized, part of me wonders if I’m wrong for pursuing the increase now. The support order is $90/week & $160/week contributions to daycare
AITA?