r/Beingabetterperson

I was raised in a highly religious, high shame environment. My whole life I’ve felt like I’ve had to bend over backwards to be understood or heard or even just listened to. I waste so much emotional energy trying to please and understand people I care about in my life who have never done the same for me especially in areas where they haven’t experienced the things I’ve gone through, or have some kind of moral qualm about how things made me feel, or don’t understand how hard it is to be a woman in a deeply and inherently misogynistic environment.

It’s so engrained that the other women in my family think it’s okay or the way things are supposed to be. I’ve spent years trying to get them to understand even little parts of myself but I get ignored or emotionally attacked. I’ve spent years deconstructing my faith and my beliefs and I’m at a point where I finally feel like I’m not some kind of mistake that “God” made only to hate.

I’ve had realizations recently that have led me back to the words of Jesus (apologies to anyone who doesn’t subscribe to/disagrees with using the bible in any case which I completely understand, but I still sometimes find comfort in many of the words of Jesus and do not take with it the other more harmful themes and ideas present). I recently read Matthew 7:6, for those unfamiliar it goes as follows: “Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.”

Regardless of its original intended meaning, what it means for me now is this: I’m done trying to be seen and understood by those who will not ever. No amount of effort on my end will ever make people who don’t want to understand me do so magically. I believe that myself and others were made lovingly and for a reason and I refuse to waste my time and energy on people who don’t see that.

I’m queer, I point out harm when I see it not to shame but to repair, I acknowledge my own mistakes without shame but instead correct them and move on and improve and grow as a person. I’m proud to be a woman and I refuse to believe I or any other woman is the “weaker vessel” none of us are. I refuse to hate myself for the very things I love about myself and I refuse to put my energy into trying to fix the people who made me feel like I should.

You are worthy of love and care and understanding, we all are. Do not waste your breath trying to fix people, use it to love yourself and the people who are truly worthy

I spent way too long down the rabbit hole of attractiveness research after watching that Based Zeus video. books, studies, random evolutionary psychology papers at 3am. most "how to be attractive" content is either obvious garbage or bro science with zero backing. here's what actually holds up when you dig into the real research, organized so you can skim for what matters.

• Your posture is doing more damage than you think: slouching doesn't just make you look shorter, it literally changes how people perceive your confidence and competence in milliseconds. studies on first impressions show posture registers before your face does. fix this first.
  • the fix isn't "stand up straight," it's building the muscle memory. wall angels for 2 minutes daily actually rewires the default
  • Presence by Amy Cuddy goes deep on this, genuinely fascinating read about how your body position changes your hormones and how others perceive you. bestselling author and Harvard researcher who basically proved power poses aren't just woo woo. this book will make you rethink every interaction you've ever had
• Mouth breathing is wrecking your face structure: sounds dramatic but the research on this is wild. chronic mouth breathing actually changes jaw development and facial aesthetics over time. not just about looking tired, it's structural
  • tape your mouth at night if you're a sleep mouth breather. sounds insane, works incredibly well
• Your skin routine is probably backwards: most people either do nothing or way too much. the science is clear: sunscreen daily, retinol at night, moisturize. that's genuinely 90% of it
  • if you want one app to actually track habits like this without being annoying, Finch is weirdly effective. it gamifies the boring stuff
• One resource that ties all this together: the problem with attractiveness advice is it's scattered across a million sources and half of it contradicts the other half. BeFreed is a personalized learning app that generates custom audio lessons from books and research, so you can type something like "i want to understand the psychology of attraction and what actually makes people more attractive" and it builds you a whole learning path from real sources.pulls from stuff like the books mentioned here plus research papers and expert content. a friend at Google put me onto it and honestly it's replaced most of my podcast time. you can adjust the depth based on your mood, ask questions mid-lesson, and it has this cute AI coach that actually remembers what you're working on. helped me connect dots between confidence research and practical daily habits way faster than reading everything separately
• Sleep deprivation shows on your face immediately: one study showed people rated sleep deprived faces as significantly less attractive AND less trustworthy. dark circles are the least of it, your skin texture, eye brightness, and even facial symmetry perception all tank
  • Why We Sleep by Matthew Walker is the most important book on this topic, maybe the most important health book period. neuroscientist who directed sleep research at Berkeley. insanely good read that will genuinely terrify you into prioritizing rest. best sleep science book out there
• Your expression at rest matters more than your features: resting face tension reads as unapproachable or angry. people with relaxed faces get approached more, rated as more attractive in studies
  • consciously relax your jaw and forehead a few times daily until it becomes default
• Grooming inconsistency kills attractiveness: it's not about being perfect, it's about looking like you give a damn. nails, eyebrows, nose hair, the small stuff compounds into an overall impression of either "has their life together" or "chaos"

Something big is happening to young men, and chances are, you’ve seen it. Maybe it’s in the form of a friend who’s checked out of life, spending hours online gaming or doomscrolling. Maybe it’s in the loneliness epidemic, lack of ambition, or rise of “disconnection” in their lives. Scott Galloway (from the Prof G Podcast) calls this “the crisis of young men,” and the data backs it up. Men are falling behind in education, employment, relationships, and mental health – and it’s time to unpack why. This post dives into why this isn’t just “bad luck” or “a natural phase,” but a systemic issue we must address.

Let’s start with the facts:

• Loneliness is off the charts. A study from the Survey Center on American Life (2021) showed that 15% of men reported having no close friends – a fivefold increase since 1990. This “friendship recession” is worse for men than for women. Loneliness is tied to higher rates of depression, anxiety, and even physical health problems.
• They’re falling behind in education. As of 2023, women outnumber men in college enrollment by nearly 60 to 40 percent, according to data from the National Student Clearinghouse. Men are more likely to drop out before completing a degree. Meanwhile, jobs that require degrees are on the rise, leaving many men unprepared for the workforce.
• Relationships are slipping through the cracks. Data from Pew Research shows that over 60% of young men are now single, much higher than the 34% of young women. Many have no romantic or sexual relationships at all, which is tied to worsening self-esteem and higher feelings of hopelessness.

Here’s the kicker: this isn’t just about men being “lazy” or “lost.” It’s about something deeper — a shift in how society views this generation. Tech addiction, economic instability, outdated gender norms, and fewer mentorship opportunities all play a role. Even Andrew Reiner, author of Better Boys, Better Men, says cultural conditioning teaches boys to suppress emotions, disconnect, and fail to seek help when struggling.

So how do we address this?

• Rebuild community. Push for spaces (online and offline) where young men can connect authentically, free from toxic hyper-masculinity. Programs like Boys & Girls Clubs or local sports leagues can foster friendships and purpose.
• Encourage emotional intelligence. This isn’t “soft.” It’s about teaching boys how to handle and express emotions. Brené Brown’s research shows that vulnerability creates strength, not weakness. Schools and parents need to normalize emotional discussions early.
• Shift education norms. Schools must rethink how to keep boys engaged. Dr. Richard Reeves, author of Of Boys and Men, argues for male-specific academic interventions (like male mentorship programs and alternative learning styles) to close the education gap.
• Address the tech trap. Young men are drowning in gaming, endless YouTube, and TikTok. A Center for Humane Technology report warns these platforms are engineered for addiction, contributing to disconnection. Setting tech boundaries and promoting offline hobbies is key.

The good news? This isn’t irreversible. Small shifts in culture, parenting, education, and media can help re-anchor this generation. The question is: will society act before it’s too late?

Sources:

• Scott Galloway, The Prof G Podcast
• Survey Center on American Life, 2021 Friendship study
• Dr. Richard Reeves, Of Boys and Men
• Pew Research Center, 2023 relationship data