Whyyy??
So it’s been about 8 months since I quit benzos. I was taking anywhere from 3–5 mg at my worst, and this has been an on-and-off battle for over a decade. I’ve managed to get clean a few times, but staying off has always been the hard part.
Since quitting this time, I’ve noticed I struggle with even the smallest day-to-day tasks. Things like cleaning, putting laundry away, or cooking a proper meal feel overwhelming. I’ll leave clothes draped over the couch or sitting folded in a basket, eat the simplest meals possible like sandwiches or don’t eat at all, and avoid even minor things like putting away new clothes I’ve bought.
I also don’t really want to leave the house much or see people anymore, which isn’t like me—I’ve always been a pretty social person. This past Sunday, I ended up taking a quarter of a 2 mg Xanax, and it made me reflect on how much I’ve been struggling lately.
I took .25MG on Sunday and it’s like all of that went away. I cleaned, organized, cooked. I felt so accomplished and I honestly miss that motivation.
Will I ever be able to get that without substances? Benzos are so risky for me from becoming dependent, to minor black outs, to getting hyper emotional or a tad agitated and being embarrassed the next day.
I’m just venting but I need help on this motivation issue.