Constantly reminded of my inadequacy, low cal cheesy garlic bread
Saw a YouTube interview where the interviewer was shocked and sorry for a woman who hasn't had a physical partner in several months and I almost put my hand through a wall. At 25 and the most physical contact ive had was side hugs from family and handshakes at work. I barely even got a full hug from my parents when I got my degree. What did I do wrong to not deserve physical contact, I did the right things everyone expects. I went and got stem degree with no debt and immediately into a 6 figure job post bachelor's, I work out regularly and have ran a triathlon with plans to shift more to lifting and hit the 1000lb club by next year. Ive joined clubs and done social hobbies but it just makes me feel more hollow seeing other people in relationships. Ive paid for styling advice and tailored clothes but that usually ends up with me being ridiculed for putting in too much effort by my "friend group" who all happen to have partners. Which the only advice ive ever gotten from them is "it'll just happen when you least expect it bro" yeah well maybe I should just walk around with a blindfold and earplugs so I never expect anything. Every fucking time I try to talk to someone they already have a partner or in a few cases where people tried to set me up, they say they are gay but then I hear from the person who tried to set me up their friend has a new man. Ive gotten hit with so many disgusted looks that make me want to just give up on top of getting laughed at or asked if im seriously talking to them. And then of course I get told its bad form to talk to women anywhere since every space is actually a zone where YOU are the bother and social places like bars or club events are for them to hang out with their friends and interest groups. Ive tried all the scraps of advice i could find online but yet every day I wake up and there is a heavier weight pulling me down. Every day my sail frays a little more trying to catch the same dying motivation when there is nothing but the same bleak lonely ocean staring back.