u/xixian2

I had this one classmate back in senior high, and the first time I saw him, he was immediately my type. He was tall, hygienic, and smelled really good too 😭 Back then, my personality was basically just getting along with everyone, but honestly it was kind of a facade so I wouldn’t get left out or have problems with people. After a few weeks at school, we started talking more. I’d ask him about homework just so I had an excuse to talk to him lol, and he would always willingly help me and banter with me too.

He was really nice and attentive, and honestly I could already tell he liked me even before he confessed 😭 The way he looked at me genuinely felt like those male leads in movies that look so in love their eyes practically glow. That’s literally how he looked at me sometimes. So when he confessed, that’s when I knew we were really each other’s type and that he genuinely liked me.But then I started hearing rumors that he was talking to other girls, and at the same time I became really insecure about myself too. He came from a rich family and would even offer to buy me things sometimes, but I’d always say no. I think my insecurity was one of the biggest reasons I couldn’t let myself be with him.

Senior high ended, and just like that we stopped seeing each other for years. Later on, I heard from his friends that his ex was really toxic. Then last December, he followed me on social media and started replying to my stories until eventually he asked if maybe we could try again.We talked about our past, and I finally confronted him about the rumors I heard before. He admitted they were true, but said they weren’t together at the time I found out. Apparently the girl liked him first. Honestly though, she was way out of my league really pretty, rich, and a cosplayer too lol TvT. After I distanced myself from him back then, they eventually got together. His ex would always glare at me too lol.

He told me he only got together with her because he felt like there was no chance for us anymore and he eventually developed some feelings for her. Their relationship became really toxic and abusive, and he admitted there were times he thought about me because he knew I would never treat him like that.He even said that I was someone he had never met before and wished he met earlier in his life. He said I was someone who “doesn’t care about herself much, but cares about other people more than herself.” He said he liked me so much back then that he was always looking out for me, even in small ways. He said I probably never noticed all the little things he did, but honestly I did. I noticed the way he would fix my hair when it got messy, help me when he saw me struggling even before I asked, send corny jokes just to make me laugh, say stupid things just to get my attention, and even fix my chair before I sat down.

After talking back togetehr, we talked for a few days, but I had this horrible feeling that things were “too good” and that something would go wrong eventually. Even though he said he liked me, I couldn’t stop thinking that he might go back to his ex since their relationship was always on-and-off. Then suddenly my Instagram got deleted because insta thought my ig is a bot and there's no way to appeal it. I made a new one and followed him again, but after two days he still didn’t follow me back so I unfollowed him right away and a few days later I saw him reposting things, and ever since then I’ve been overthinking whether he saw my follow request, ignored it, or wanted to message me but didn’t, or maybe he was really busy that he didnt get to see it and when I unfollowed.

It’s been 3 months now and I still think about him all the time. It genuinely hurts because I really thought maybe this time we’d finally get to be together. But whenever I think about reaching out again, I feel like I’d just drag him down with me somehow. I like him so much that I’d rather stay away than ruin his life.I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. Has anyone ever experienced something like this? Should I reach out even after months of not talking? Some of my friends tell me to do it, others tell me not to. I just miss him a lot… and I didn’t even get to hear his voice again.