My parents found out I’m sexually active
Me, W(19) and my boyfriend who left recently for the military, M(18) have had little over a year long relationship and still do. Before my boyfriend left and before my parents found out anything, we were sexually active- we were very careful too, making sure we did everything right. My parents are both religious and very traditional so I was hiding this from them because I was worried once they found out they would shun me out of their life and see me lowly, which my mom has expressed if she found out what she would think (,so it’s not me overthinking).
Before my boyfriend left for the military, we were intimate, and we were also intimate two months before that. After that he left and I had very little contact with him. Once he left I started to realize that it hurt when I pee a lot, including that I realized that the whole month in between me and my bf having sex- I didn’t have my period. I kept all this too myself for 3-4 days after he left because I was too scared to tell my parents. The UTI infection though started to get worse and hurt a lot more. I called my mom one morning, crying telling her that peeing hurt really bad. I was also surprised if it was due to having sex because another bad habit I did have was holding in my pee for too long. So I really thought it was that but I didn’t want my mom to think the wrong way.
Later that day she kept asking me if I was sexually active which I said no to- then she started to say “I will find out eventually so you should tell me” “if you tell me I won’t be mad I’ll just think about it” things to almost reassure me to say something. That’s when I gave in.
I told my mom I was sexually active and she got furious. I trusted her with this information because just for a moment I thought she would’ve been a bit more comforting in this situation. I asked her not to tell my dad and she told me she promised she wouldn’t even if she was very mad
She told him later that day
My dad wasn’t as mad as my mom but they are both very dissatisfied and disappointed in me. I’m in college, I’m working towards a bachelors, I have a future I want to set up for myself. And some reason they think because I was intimate that defines me as someone who has less value. My mom constantly telling me “I can’t believe you did this, you betrayed me, you ruined everything with your boyfriend, you are never allowed to see him again. “
Mind you this was after and before the pregnancy test I took out of caution even though I strongly knew I wasn’t pregnant. Yes it was negative
I feel like I ruined everything. Not with my boyfriend cause he has no idea but with my parents and their expectations, I know they are harsh but I still have that soft spot in my heart for them that aches due to the fact that they see me as less just because I wanted to be active.
Since I live under their house I have no idea if they will let me see my boyfriend as he graduates from certain stages of the military. These experiences don’t make me love my boyfriend any less but rather put a weight on my shoulders that worries me of the future to come.
Will things get better? I hate everything right now and I feel so stupid for believing my mom would comfort me during a time like that. I could’ve handled it all on my own. Instead I told her and she now thinks I’m a disgrace. What do I do and how do I combat all these thoughts now.
I hate myself