Husband's drunken bender ended in a protective order UPDATE !
Hi all. I wrote about the events with my husband leading up to needing a protective order in a [previous post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AlAnon/s/cqirG5FEJQ) . I wanted to say thank you to everyone who weighed in and helped me through this situation. I read through every single comment during the days leading up to the hearing. I did go through with the protective order. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I did not get everything I wanted unfortunately. My lawyer (who I got pro bono from a womens shelter) and I asked for visitation to be contingent on him going to rehab and aa, but we did not get that. Instead, the judge has allowed for my husband and I to work out visitation between ourselves. My lawyer said I can still tell him the terms I want since I have custody.
I am beyond crushed. This is not what I wanted and I take no joy in full custody of the kids. I still love him very much. My husband did not go to the trial and told his mother beforehand that he would not contest any of it. My best friend who hates him says he is a deadbeat and that is why, but his mother and sister say he is very distraught and remorseful. I am choosing to believe the latter. I am very lucky that his mother and I have become friends and have agreed on supervised visitation at her house. Since there is no custody agreement, it is on my terms. I was hoping the court could do more and hate that it is still on my shoulders. I am in a bit of shock.
I did write to him explaining what I expect from him. I (probably naively) told him I love him and I miss celebrating our 10 year anniversary last week. I told him I hope we can be a family again. He said "ok." He is very hard to read right now. I am filled with grief and hated that this had to happen, but I know it was the right thing. I do hope he gets better. I still really love him. Today is a heavy day. I miss him.