u/user1752627

Okay so it’s been few weeks maybe 3-4 now after I’ve recently had my dosage increased to 50mg to taking 2 now which means I’m taking 100mg

I’m 16 but I have severe PMDD and social anxiety and ptsd and I feel better and less depressed however I genuinely feel so tired and have such realistic weird dreams that make me feel like when I wake up it actually happened and I feel overwhelmed but then the walls and patterns go swirly and moving like when you watch those hypnosis videos on YouTube as a kid , it would be for like 5 minutes and I’m so scared of derealisation or not being in reality so what should. I do?! And my vision waking up is like zoomed in to objectes and the floors moving and swirling around and the details of my surroundings have strange detailed patterns.

Okay so I used to vape daily and when I say daily id say every minute and every second and couldn’t go without the buzz and at first it was just to calm me down but then the feeling and buzz made me attached to the feeling and It would be like first thing in morning I wouldn’t think to do anything else but have tokes in the bathroom every action or okay I’m kinda lazy like even doing chores or simple tasks I just have to vape and I also this year had some personal things going on so it just became a coping mechanism and told myself I’ll stop… so I did I was clean for 1 and a half month and just threw it away all of them like I just quit cold turkey like none of that “1 per day” or gradual like I just stopped because of the guilt I had because vaping doesn’t fit my morals. but at the same time I’m extremely impulsive and I just act on what I crave and want to do so today I bought again and hit on it and it felt awful it’s like my body and brain couldn’t take it anymore I don’t know what it is but it makes me extremely nausea and dizzy like I’m blackout drunk going to throw up but then I keep doing it because now my mind feels blank and no dopamine so I do it again even though my brain is literally telling me to just straight up stop and my body is rejecting it. But I can’t throw it away because normally before social events I keep it just in case before hand so now I’m stuck with it in my room and knowing I should only use it when needed but like I do it out of free will and the fact it’s there and thinking few puffs would eff me up but then I genuinely feel like shit and feel this gut wrenching feeling and guilt I carry and it’s because of the environment around me and the person I am in public and with my friends it’s hard like I don’t want to disappoint my friend again because basically during that bad stage I didn’t show up and was vaping and chose vaping and smoking and drinking and had a lot of isolation time and made me act weird and hasn’t scaring my bestfriend so I genuinely I associate vaping with a bad time the smell the buzz but at the same time was all I had to just not feel so intensely and I’m like on medication like anti depressants but still feel a crave for something and not even medical prescribed pills can provide that and today in the first few months of getting one just makes me feel sick but really intensely wanting to recreate those moments where I was so stressed and

Puffing like it and how great it was that I just stopped feeling.