Ap is pregnant years after I thought affair ended. Where do we go from here?
TLDR: My last post was deleted. My husband (56) had an incident 5 years ago where he kissed a co worker while on a work trip with her. He deleted everything so l couldn't prove that anything more happened. Things have mostly gone back to normal but he came to me a couple of days ago crying that he got someone pregnant, but wont tell me who she is so I'm unsure if its the same woman or someone else. (I'm almost positive its the same AP)
I really want to stay and make things work with him. Has anyone been in a similar situation where they have been able to make it work with a child involved?
I found out WH (56) had been cheating late 2022 with a co worker half our age. We have been married for 36 years at that point.
I figure they have been sleeping together for over a year because he stopped touching me (Going as long as 10+ months without any intimacy), pulled away from me completely, and would disappear for 12+ hours a couple times a week. I have never had a reason not to trust him so I didnt want to question him. I had also never checked his phone
He didn't admit to anything more than a kiss. They were on a work trip together when I found out. That day I called and he said he wanted to end things because we no longer have any chemistry and it's not working out. When he got back, I begged and begged him to stay and something snapped - he said he would stay. He deleted everything so I wasn't able to get any proof that it wasnt anything more than just a kiss. Over the years, I have mostly swept it under the rug but still have some triggering moments - He doesnt really help because he says I'm just "attacking him and not moving past it"
He has done some very questionable things since initial discovery:
- He still doesn't initiate sex and looks away when we do have sex. I've asked why he doesn't touch me anymore and he says he's not attracted to me. I'm getting older and on the bigger side, but Ive been this weight my entire life, what changed?
- Changes his phone password and wont tell me what it is. He ends up telling me only after I grill him about it.
- He's disappeared a few times for a few hours without answering his phone - says he was with a mutual male friend but I never called to confirm.
When I get upset, he asks why I'm acting this way. I am mostly able to calm myself down because he wont "argue" with me. Admittedly, when I get triggered, I lash out on him and he gives me space to calm down until I'm able to sweep it under the rug again.
Even after all of this, I was certain he wouldn't do anything again, especially after seeing the devastation I went through the first time. Yesterday he told me that he got someone pregnant and he doesn't know what to do. He wont tell me who the fuck she is so I'm not sure if it's the same or a new AP. I don't know what to do. I am beside myself. Idk what I'm looking for here. Advice and support are both appreciated.
Sorry my post is all over the place