Heartbroken & guilty that I am OAD
Thanks so much for listening.
So I'm really conflicted.
I love my 1.5 year old son so much. He's so wonderful and we're even sharing hobbies already. I am a singer and he's so musically gifted - not to sound silly.
But him, my hubby and I are completely nuclear like many modern families: no family or friend group support. And I mean as measured in ACTUAL hours of childcare.
As a result we are mentally, physically and financially at our limits. Our intimacy's suffered hard, too.
I cannot imagine adding another child to our exhausted, overtired lives.
And so even though our little one has a great life, I could not guarantee the good vibes if we have another child. I feel the sacrifices would hurt our family.
And here is my heartbreak. I always wanted a big family of kids, filled with love, togetherness and life. I am good at mothering.
And yet, I'm feeling completely one and done in order to survive.
This really saddens me.
I feel guilty for robbing baby of a sibling.
For not being like the other mums with multiple kids I see in our neighborhood.
Energetic. Well-rested.
I know they must just have loads of cash to buy in childcare and support. But I am still heartbroken.
How do I reconcile my survivalist decision to be OAD with my grief over the loss of a big, lively family? Should we just "toughen up" and have another kiddo?