u/txexa

Location: Hawaii

My grandfather’s house was placed in a trust when he passed. His girlfriend received a life estate, and my three cousins and I were named the remaindermen. My mom didn’t inherit the property but later went to court and became the custodian with life interest (she can live in the home until she passes) As I understand it, that role doesn’t give her ownership.

**Trying to make it clear: There is a deed in place that gives life estate to my mom. My grandpa’s girlfriend was listed as our custodian. There is also a petition filed where my mom fought to remove my grandpa’s girlfriend from being the custodian.

She is now asking all of us to sign “paperwork” at a notary so she can “get a loan to update the home,” but she hasn’t told us what the document actually is. She won’t provide a title or a copy beforehand. I’m concerned it could involve transferring or waiving our interest in the property, but I don’t know for sure.

She has also said that if she eventually gets the house in her name, she plans to sign it over to me later so I “won’t have to fight with my cousins.” I’m not sure whether that is a valid or normal justification for asking remaindermen to sign undisclosed documents.

She says the purpose is to get a HELOC to fix the home all at once. That makes sense in theory, but I don’t know how often HELOC funds actually end up being used for repairs, or whether there’s a risk the home still won’t be fixed even after signing something.

The home is in poor condition and hasn’t been maintained, even though I thought the life tenant/custodian is responsible for upkeep, taxes, and insurance. She has also suggested she might “come after us” for those costs, even though we’re the remaindermen.

Adding: She’s a business owner who has a much higher capacity of being able to afford big home renovations than me or my cousins

Updates:
•The home is paid off
•My cousins aren’t interested in living in the home as they did not grow up there like I did
•Mom is a business owner

I’m torn because if repairs are the goal, we don’t need to sign over our ownership for a loan to be approved. And since Mom already has a life estate that guarantees her the right to live in the home for the rest of her life, I’m trying to understand why she would need us to transfer our ownership at all.

My questions are:

• Is “signing the home over to me later” a legitimate or normal reason to ask remaindermen to sign unidentified paperwork?
• If the stated purpose is to get a HELOC to fix the home, how likely is it that the repairs actually get done?
• What should I be asking for or looking out for before signing anything, especially when the document hasn’t been disclosed?
• Could signing now somehow be a better long‑term investment for me, or is that unlikely given the trust structure?

My mom genuinely believes the house she lives in belongs to her. But legally, it doesn’t. When my grandpa passed, he put the home in a trust: his girlfriend was given a life estate, and me plus my three cousins were named the remaindermen — the future owners.

My mom was angry she didn’t get the house, so she took my grandpa’s girlfriend to court, won, and became the custodian. But she still acts like she owns it outright.

Now she’s trying to get us to sign away our ownership rights so she can “get a loan to update the home.” The truth is: if she wants to buy the house, she has to pay us according to the IRS actuarial fee schedule, which is much more than she wants to pay. She lied and said her lawyer is making her follow the law, then admitted she only wants to pay a set amount she chose and that we should “feel lucky.”

She’s pushing us to sign a rights‑release waiver (but not actually disclosing what the paperwork actually consists of) at a notary — which is the only way she can lowball us.

Meanwhile, she hasn’t maintained the home at all. It’s falling apart, she’s hoarding, and she hasn’t fulfilled her legal duties as custodian. Yet she wants full ownership so she can access the equity and possibly get a HELOC.

I feel guilty because she’s my mom, she has nowhere else to go, and I’m her only daughter. But I also know she’s manipulating me, threatening me (saying she’ll “come after me” for taxes and insurance she was legally required to pay), and trying to take the inheritance my grandpa meant for us.

I’m torn between protecting myself and not wanting her to hate me — but I can see exactly what she’s doing.

As a minor, my mom refused to let me use better menstrual products because she believed they would “take away my virginity.” As a result, I spent middle and high school soaking through my pants almost every single day. I had already been diagnosed with PCOS — she knew this, the doctor told her — and heavy bleeding was a major part of my symptoms.
Instead of helping me manage it with appropriate products like tampons or menstrual cups, she forced me to go to school knowing I would bleed through my clothes. I had to bring extra outfits, and most days I bled through those too. It was so humiliating.