He was my first and only love; we fell in love when we were teens, and it was really scary because my family is very religious, so they (and I) couldn’t accept it for a long time. He never gave up on me, though. When I was 18, I went through a long-term treatment for mental health problems. He took care of me every single day, never stopping encouraging me, teaching me what unconditional love is. By the time I was 21, I was finally stable and happy, and I asked him to move in together. He did—that was the best day of my life.
This summer, for our anniversary, I was planning to ask him to marry me.
A month ago, he told me in tears that he intends to go through a full transition (including srs). I can’t say it came as a complete surprise: he has always been very feminine, both in his interests and friendships, and above all he has always had dysphoria (during sex, he would never engage with or let me touch his genitals; he often did tucking). But in my mind I always minimized it, thinking, okay, that’s normal “bottom” stuff.
I don’t even know why I’m writing on this sub; I’m so confused, and it breaks my heart to say this, but I don’t think I can be with a woman, whether trans or cis. Being gay is a part of me I didn’t choose and can’t change. I can’t find the strength to leave the love of my life, and I keep hoping he’ll change his mind and go back to being the boy I fell in love with 9 years ago. It feels like all I can do is stand by and watch our relationship fall apart, piece by piece.