Looking for some solidarity - NOT by choice
We are one and done by my husband’s choice, not mine. Since then, I’ve also become medically OAD following a hysterectomy due to endometriosis.
My sister-in-law has an only daughter who is 7 months younger than my 5 year old son. They are great friends, as are SIL and I. Based on conversations we’ve had, I figured that they would be OAD as well. Sharing that dynamic with them has been a massive source of comfort and solidarity for me over the last few years.
Well tonight I got a FaceTime from my niece (along with her parents) to tell us that she was going to be a big sister. I am truly happy for them, and for us to have another niece and for our son to have a baby cousin. But I’m also feeling a little gut-punched.
Right after the call ended, my son asked me if he could have a baby sibling too. He has never expressed an interest in a sibling before. I don’t think he’s even considered the possibility but this will likely become a topic of conversation now and I’m just really in my feels about it all.
I thought I had processed my grief over not having more kids fairly well, but this hurts in a way I wasn't prepared for. I didn’t realize the extent to which I had tied my own acceptance of our family size to my SIL’s situation. While I’ve come to deeply appreciate the many positives of our little family, this news has brought much of that old grief right back to the surface.
I took a long shower and had a big cry and since then I’ve been screenshotting comments from this community to remind myself of all the benefits of being OAD.
I just wanted to share this to help process the weight of it. I don’t need reminders of all the reasons OAD is wonderful - I know them well. I appreciate them. Right now I just need to grieve.
I will be okay. But I’m not right now. And that’s okay.