AITBF (FINAL UPDATE) for “making fun” of my boyfriend for acting like Ibuprofen is a hard drug? (Bigger, Longer, & uncut)
I’ve lost every single fiber I had left of giving a shit, not only with my actual situation, but the absolute tomfoolery going on in the comment section of my initial post has brought me to cosmic donkey balls levels of apathy.
Was I dating an idiot? Yeah, probably, i’ll get into that later after I’m through with complaining as it’s my god given right, thanks.
I’m trying to fathom what having 1.4 million views on my exceptionally asinine relationship conundrum even means for my sanity in the long run, I brought it on myself though, I suppose. I can smell the subway surfers videos with an AI voice, and perhaps that short dude with the iPad on that one youtube channel who did the Pokémon theme in like 2009, the latter might be cooler.
That was a convoluted way of me saying I didn’t expect this much attention, I digress.
I’m much less irritated with the mobs of people calling him an idiot currently—although a lot of you fuckers are some of the most patronizing and insufferable people i’ve ever had the displeasure of communicating with, or just simply reading the words of.
I sort of felt like a monkey clanging a pan on its head like a Looney Toons character going through some of these comments, seriously. I think the consensus was I wasn’t the BF, even if I was, *some* of you also need that label in hopes of a personality change. I can only hope you exclusively act that way online.
Thanks to the people who responded like a normal human being despite whatever decision you came to AITBF wise. You all give me hope in humanity.
Last thing before I give you all the update you want—*I want* anyone who commented about “kids these days and abbreviations” to shove a handful of Phillips head screws up their ass. The level of exasperation I felt reading those comments couldn’t have been healthy. Sure, my exes over usage of them could have been reasonably made fun of, but someone using “smth” and “rlly” in text casually is not the big deal you oldheads think it is, and does not immediately mean someone is ignorant or fucking illiterate or something. I’m not writing a fucking dissertation while texting my boyfriend. Socrates isn’t rolling in his grave if I dare to type “smth” instead of “something”.
Anyone who wasn’t being a patronizing dick licker is invited to my party. I’ll bring Ibuprofen, let’s get fucked up. Woo.
Thanks for listening.
Anyway, onto the update.
No, he is not allergic to Ibuprofen. I sort of realized that it might’ve been pretty dumb to go all the way to the doctor for this. Seeing him explain to a 50 year old doctor how he genuinely felt like he took a Hydrocodone after I gave him two Ibuprofen was unfortunately a bit of a eureka moment. How he knows what Hydrocodone is but not Tylenol, Aspirin, or Ibuprofen is beyond me.
Nonetheless I was still worried I could have accidentally given him a allergic reaction so I explained the whole situation to the doctor, how he had no idea what Ibuprofen was so it could have been his first time taking it, or he could be allergic..etc.
The doctor said he doubted he was allergic, and said pretty much what I initially thought, and what some of the comments said. It could have been a placebo effect, or just a strange reaction due to anxiety or just not being used to OTC painkillers. He said he was willing to test him though.
I’m not sure why my post says 2 days ago by the way, I’m positive I posted it 3 days ago, but I think it’s because I updated it 2 days ago. Anyway..
This seems a little crazy to me, but in simple words to properly test for an allergy they said they’d have to give him gradually increasing amounts of Ibuprofen to see if he reacts, and if he does they had emergency meds. I thought they were gonna do a blood test or something, I was honestly skeptical but he just immediately agreed so I just went along with it..albeit nervously. (Shouldn’t this at least require an appointment or some shit?)
Like I said though, he wasn’t allergic, and he said he didn’t feel any different this time after taking it.
The drive back was awkward, he was still mad at me, and I think he got more upset after learning there wasn’t any medical reason he reacted the way he did.
Honestly though, I was still confused, even though it was obviously just a placebo effect, I was unconvinced he had never taken Ibuprofen before.
So I texted his mom and asked her if he really had never taken Ibuprofen before. She told me he indeed has taken Ibuprofen before, and that he literally has some in his bathroom currently. (I’ll put the text in the comments because I can’t attach it here.)
At this point I thought this was either some elaborate bit or he really just forgot the name of Ibuprofen. I assumed the latter, going this far for a bit seems insane.
He was giving me the silent treatment via text, so this morning I called him and asked for him to come over again so we could talk about it. Clearly he was still upset with me, so I wanted to resolve this because I was already kinda over it all.
He came over and I apologized again I told him I was sorry I hurt and dismissed his feelings, that I must have misread the situation and my intention wasn’t to make fun of him or make him feel embarrassed..etc, but also that he couldn’t keep ignoring me and grueling over this forever since it wasn’t really something to end a relationship over. (I also showed him his mom’s texts) I even offered we could go out to Dairy Queen or something since I did say something hurtful and I felt bad I embarrassed him.
:) The end!
Not really. Honestly I don’t know why that wasn’t the end of it.
This is so stupid that I’m embarrassed to post it, but I will, fuck it I guess.
He deadass looked at me with the most serious face ever and said, “Did you lace me?”
??:?:???//??wtf
I was genuinely stunned, I only could respond with “What??”
He fucking *reiterated* “Did you fucking lace me?”
I’ll list off the rest of the conversation like a script.
Op sits there shocked into literal silence for however long. She speaks. “No?? Why the hell would you think that?”
Ops boyfriend stares at her in suspicion. She’s trying to figure out how he came to this insane as fuck conclusion. He speaks. “I didn’t feel anything when the doctor gave me it, but whenever you did I felt high.”
Op is trying to figure out what to say without insulting his intelligence. She speaks. “Because you expected to get high the first time. That’s how the placebo effect works.”
Ops boyfriend raises his voice, Op is getting increasingly pissed off. He speaks. “That’s bullshit, If I wasn’t supposed to get high, I wouldn’t have. So you fucking laced me.”
Op definitely does not raise her voice too because she’s definitely the bigger person and never yells. She speaks. (calmly) “You didn’t get fucking high.”
Ops boyfriend interrupts her. He speaks. “I’ll just take a drug test then.”
Op speaks. (calmly) “You expect me to just know how to cut pills? Why the fuck would I even do that?”
I’ll spare you the rest of the conversation because frankly I don’t really remember our exact words, and it just goes in circles for another 5-10 minutes. Let me know if Netflix comments in awe my exceptional script writing skills.
I realize quickly though he’s fucking stupid and fully convinced himself I laced him with cut Ibuprofen.
In this moment I think of all of the comments calling him an idiot and truly wished I had listened and just broke up with him.
Whatever though, because I broke up with him right after I think about my stupid reddit post. I’m not sure how to make this part theatrical, sorry.
Long story short I cussed him out a little and called him stupid, which I admittedly probably shouldn’t have done, but I don’t really care. I told him to leave and he did, that’s pretty much the end of it. An hour later though he started blowing up my phone and sort of switched back and forth between accusing me of drugging him and asking for me back. I blocked him.
I’m watching Rick and Morty right now though, I didn’t realize there had been a new season. Did y’all know he killed Rick Prime?? Damn.