u/throwaway18313313 — reddlx

I’ll never be the man I was supposed to be

All cause of some fuck ups with hormones and shit during the prenatal period, I’m permanently afab, permanently retarded, and permanently defunct. I hate my life. I could’ve been a neurotypical cis guy. I SHOULD’VE been a neurotypical cis guy. It’s not fair. To taunt me with all I could ever ask for, then rip it all away. Haunt me daily with this body, leave me wondering why I should even keep living. Show me the people who have all I could ever want, fill me with raw jealousy, remind me daily of the life I will never live. The life I was supposed to live. It’s not fair. I just want to die.

u/throwaway18313313 — 1 day ago

▲ 60 r/DysphoriaPosting

raw agony

I can’t take it anymore. My chromosomes doomed me, estrogen destroyed me, and now there’s nothing left to look forward to. The simple knowledge that I’ll always have this body is enough to taint any possible joy I could extract from life. I don’t fucking care about hrt or all the surgeries I don’t care I don’t want to have to fucking pay to be a man I don’t want to have to be extremely buff just to account for my shoulders, hips, and height, I just wanna be a real guy. I never will be. I will never have gotten the real man’s adolescence never gonna experience a real man’s puberty I’ll never be welcome in real men’s spaces. I was on a sub for short guys yesterday and immediately left because not even 5 min into scrolling was a comment section full of hate towards a trans guy who did literally nothing wrong besides exist. I hate this life. Every guy I see is pure ropefuel, even my own family even my friends fucking every single one of them.

Just wanna pull a “Hey guys! I guess that’s it.” I don’t truly want to die, I know, but it all just seems so pointless. I’ll never be a real guy I’ll never be happy, why do I even bother?

u/throwaway18313313 — 3 days ago

▲ 2 r/DysphoriaPosting

The future holds nothing worthwhile for me

Nothing. I’m already fucked over with autism, debilitating trauma and mental illness, but atleast there exists accommodations and treatment for them. Autism doomed me but gender dysphoria doomed me harder. I am trapped in a cage of flesh. No amount of surgeries or medication or therapy will fix that. I hate this, I hate this beyond anything conceivable. I can feel every part, every piece of this prison I can never flee. No matter what, I am constantly reminded of this disgusting genitalia, the tumours, this misshapen skeleton, this gross flesh. I just want to sit comfortably on my bed. I can’t even sleep fine. I can’t do anything, they’re always there. I feel the uncontrollable urge to rip my skin off, claw at my tendons, slash my throat, I need to be fucking rid of this body I need to be OUT. I wish I owned a gun so I didn’t need to think about it. Just press it to my head, pull the trigger, and that’s it.

Tonight hasn’t been great. I don’t know why I haven’t offed myself yet. I feel trapped here. A shotgun with a single shell would solve all my problems

reddit.com

u/throwaway18313313 — 5 days ago

▲ 61 r/DysphoriaPosting

I wish I had the courage to end it

I’ll never have the true body of a man. I’ll never have the chromosomes of a man. I’ll never get the experience of being a neurotypical cis man, always gonna live the life of a retarded tranny fag. The only cure for me is suicide but I just can never really do it. I try to cut my wrist but I can never get deep enough, I never have enough pills, I never have enough means, or I just straight up chicken out, I forget, plans change. Everyday I hope I get hit by a truck and I’m dead on impact.

u/throwaway18313313 — 5 days ago