Anyone else ever feel like they’ve stopped caring?
I’m 35. Been married about 14 years. 3 kids ages 2, 5, 7.
I have a job that has me gone almost half the month every month. Wife is a saint and holds down the house and all the kids activities and works from home. I couldn’t ask for a better mom for my kids.
Due to my employment, I can’t get an official diagnosis or meds.
I had a high stress high adrenaline job up until around a year and a half ago. Since then I have a pretty monotonous job. I pretty much only feel like I’m actually enjoying myself doing things like riding motorcycles, extreme sports, or writing music. When I try to get a day or two to do these things out of the half a month I’m home, my wife resents it. She has no hobbies or friends where we live. I’ve tried to help her make friends and get hobbies, highly encouraging it, but she has no interest.
Getting home is absolute overwhelming chaos every single time. I pretty much dread it. Kids are just being normal kids, and wife is always burned out. I feel like she’d be way better off not having to rely on me from a relationship standpoint.
I don’t know if this is venting or asking advice, but I feel like I’m just waiting for her to get sick of me and leave. Or kick me out. I know I sound selfish as can be in this post. I’m trying to enjoy “just relaxing at home”, but relaxing at home is the most boring shit I’ve ever done.
ETA: I feel like I’m not made for normal life. I’ve been trying to adapt for the last year and a half. I have this urge (that I’m not going to succumb to because it would be as fucked as a human could be to others) to just disappear.