Feeling replaced and invisible: My "Safe Person" at church changed our routine and I’m spiraling
Hi everyone, While this takes place in a religious setting, I’m looking for support regarding the social/autistic struggle and the change in routine. I’m struggling so much and I feel like I’m going crazy, even though I know I'm not "entitled" to his time. I've been struggling with my everyday tasks at work and at home lately, and this situation really hit me hard since it was the last thing I expected to change.
I have a friend from my church group who, for months, was my "anchor." He would drive me home every week after adoration (which made me feel safe because I’m anxious walking alone at night and it finishes quite late) and he always sat next to me.
Everything changed around a month ago. He stopped driving me (he has a new job and I think it’s more tiring than the previous one) and now he has joined the choir, so he no longer sits with me. I’ve gone from having a safe, structured evening to sitting alone in a pew, feeling exposed and hyper-fixated on the empty space beside me/ the new person sitting next to me who doesn't feel as "safe," and the fact that I have to walk home in the dark afterwards.
I’ve been going to this group for nearly 3 years. He’s only been there for 1 year, yet he’s already more "integrated" than I am. They asked him to join the choir because they needed male voices, but I can sing too. Still, in 3 years, nobody has ever invited me or noticed me. Other people I feel close to are also in the choir or have stopped attending every week. I see them all together, and I see myself left behind.
To make it worse, people used to comment that we "looked like a couple." Now I’m spiraling, thinking he changed his behavior because he’s embarrassed or doesn't want me to get the wrong idea.
I feel so rejected and lost. I know he isn't my "caregiver" and he has every right to join the choir or go straight home, but this sudden loss of my "safe routine" and the feeling of being overlooked is making my depression and anxiety flare up so badly.
Has anyone else experienced this? How do you cope when your "safe person" changes the rules of the friendship without warning? I feel like I’ve lost my support system and my spiritual safe space all at once. Thank you for reading!