Left my job - minimal to no migraines while unemployed
I’ve been suffering a lot of migraines this year. My grandfather died (like a month before my next botox treatment) and my new supervisor two weeks after told me “hey if you do not improve your performance you will face an improvement plan or losing your job”. Most if not all mistakes stemming from the week or so after his passing (I was more worried about my grandmother and family and mentally exhausted). My supervisor and position were new but I’ve been with the company for 7+ years.
At the same time I was also navigating FMLA as I was still new to the inter workings - i used more than what was allotted for me in a month and was anxious on that front too. The FMLA at my job is unpaid, and normally a $1500 paycheck turned into a $500 paycheck. Luckily they took a less formal note (before they made my Neuro fill out a like 5 page packet that took weeks to process, and the whole time I was wondering if I would be fired for non approved FMLA since it was past the deadline). That initial formal form cost me $30 for them to fill out - I was shocked when getting them to update the number of intermittent FMLA days I could use took a few days max.
My supervisor claimed she talked with Employee Services due to my poor performance and how to separate that from my migraines (once again the main “issues” she saw came from when my grandfather died and I was waiting for my next botox treatment). As soon as I got my next round of botox she was like wow you are totally different. To which I was like uh yeah that’s how it goes.
Turns out despite trying so hard and pushing through pain more than I should to try to keep my job, I was faced with performance plan (once this 30 day highly rigid plan is complete they can fire you anytime you slip up within a year) or resignation (includes 4 weeks severance). I was blindsided as my manager kept telling me “you are doing better” or “don’t worry about that” when she was noting down everything I did wrong to say during the official outline of my poor performance with employment support.
I chose resignation. My job was high paying and had great healthcare but the toll of my manager not being honest with me and being nit-picky was making things worse. I’ve worked for the company for 7 years (my manager only 7.5 years), and my new job title was written one month before I got the choice. I’ve been trying to rack my brain on what I could change - but ultimately I was deceived and some part gaslight by my supervisor. I told her previously to TELL me when I do something she thinks does not align with my goals so I can course correct. Which she did not do and kept saying I was on the right path. Many of these things were “sent an email without telling her”, “did not push someone (they were out of office that day) to review paperwork on time”. Previously she also told me to be more self sufficient and not put work on others. Anytime I’d explain why I’d do something she’d be like “it’s a clean slate let’s move past it”.
All that to say. I feel better energy wise, physical wise and mental wise without a job. It’s stressful, but 1/100th of the stress I was getting from work. There is so much more to that story, but ultimately I learned to finally prioritize MY HEALTH. In the 20 days I’ve been off I’ve had less than 3 migraines and they are easy to stop. I feel like myself again. I still get pain but I don’t have to worry every minute about being more productive or rushing to get food just to get more work done. I’ve been working outside in my garden and cleaning inside - stuff I would struggle with physically while being on the computer 10+ hours a day for work.
It seems obvious now - but if I wasn’t prompted to make a choice I’d be still working there. My migraines went chronic (up to 25 a month) before mainly due to work (which is great to try to explain to work hey uh once you go chronic it’s hard to go back). I do have a decent emergency fund despite draining it last august for a flood, which helps.
TLDR; a high paying tech job is not worth your mental or physical health. You should not be breaking down in an anxiety attack and migraine if you slip up to a coworker. That isn’t a way to live and you need to be mindful ESPECIALLY if you had toxic dynamics growing up (as you are prone to them - this includes work as well). Not sure what the next chapter brings but I wanted to update all the lovely people on this subreddit and speak to anyone trapped in a bad work dynamic.
You are valuable and WAY more than your job’s worth. Do not let your actions say otherwise.
Disclaimer: I am lucky enough to make this choice to step back at the moment, I only really can relax due to saving up money while working aggressively. Many people do not have choice in being able to step down without something lined up and my heart goes out to them. I live and work in the US, but I love hearing thoughts from those outside the states.