u/stubbornbull05

Hello Potatoes, I’d love some advice.

My best friend ( let’s call her Sabrina) and I have been super close for nearly a decade. We met each other pre husbands and children and have always been very straight forward with one another. If ever we had any issues, we have felt very comfortable approaching one another about it. Even super touchy subjects.

Now that we are mothers, I’m finding it extremely challenging approaching her about some extremely lazy and harmful parenting styles.

For more context:

We had our first babies only 7 months apart. In the beginning stages, we would ask each other questions and support one another to get through postpartum/newborn life.

Fast forward to today, our daughters are 3 and I have a second child who is 1. Sabrina and her husband do not want any more children. They even went as far as having him get a vasectomy. They planned to raise and dote upon their lovely daughter and give her the world.

Now here’s my issue. Sabrina has been coddled her whole life. Her parents never made her work for anything and her husband does everything for her. She doesn’t cook, clean, work, or really do much else besides her hobbies. Her and her husband still take couples trips and leave their daughter at home with family. Some times they will be gone for weeks. They won’t even take her on small weekend road trips. They just leave her.

For regular daily life, Sabrina won’t take her daughter anywhere. No social time with other kids, no town trips for errands, no days at the park. She set up a play room in another part of the house, and she just puts her in there and leaves her alone all day to play. Nothing but her toys and the tv going. Sabrina watches her through a camera and goes on about her day. When it’s time for a nap, she will lay her down for multiple hours even if the little girl doesn’t sleep. She then puts her down for bed at 6:30pm and won’t get her out of bed until 10 or 11 the next morning. Another big issue is that Sabrina found potty training to be too difficult so she doesn’t even try. She keeps her in diapers and says she waiting for her daughter to decide potty train. Lately the little girl has been acting up and stressing out Sabrina so she will just drop her off with family. Sometimes she will even show up and drop her off at my house so she can have a “break”. Meanwhile, I also have a three year old and a one year old to take care of.

Sabrina will call me nearly every day to vent about parenting and how hard it is and it’s all I can do to not shake her shoulders. She gets annoyed at her daughter that she’s not potty trained. I tell her that she , as the mom, has to start the potty training process. She usually responds with “I don’t want to push her too hard”. Or “I don’t want to clean up if she pees on the floor”.

Lately, her daughter has been acting out by kicking, hitting, biting, and screaming at Sabrina and her husband. Sabrina is completely dumbfounded on why her behavior is the way it is. To me it’s obvious that the poor baby is starved for attention. Parenting is hard and I know it’s not good to compare but I don’t understand how she can’t see what’s going on.

I am a full time mom myself with both kids all day every day, while my husband works. I cook, clean, landscape, garden, take my kids to social events, etc. it’s exhausting and daunting at times but you just do it.

Sorry for the venting. But what do you guys think? Should I approach her about it? And how could I word it so I don’t come across snooty or condescending? I love Sabrina I just don’t know how I can remain friends with someone who cares so little about her baby girl. Her daughter is one of the smartest and sweetest little kids I’ve ever known and she deserves so much better.