u/starbyt

For some context. I was going to graduate high school last year with no intention of going to college and just wanting to model. I only ever dreamed of streaming, modeling, and acting. Nothing realistic. Ever. One day before I did graduate something clicked in me saying modeling will never work and I quickly applied to a college out of city, but in state. I did this on a whim with no plan, no way of paying besides some scholarships I got. Which covered my tuition, but not my dorming. I attended for a couple months then just simply gave up and now I’m in debt. I was planning on going back to my home town and just enlisting, but before I did, I met the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid my eyes on. Long story short we talked for 3 months and have currently been dating for one month. I stayed in the city for her and now living with a close family member just working. I’m still not sure what I want to do “career” wise. I’ve considered fashion school, which is expensive especially since every fashion school is out of state for me. (And what jobs/career could I even get with this that makes almost 6 figures??) And trade school just doing the blue collar route, which doesn’t sound too bad, but I can also do this in the military and get way more benefits.

Now here’s where my issue lies. I’ve talked to her multiple times about it and she says she would want to stay together and try to work things out if we have to do long distance. I want to believe her, but I just don’t know how things will actually go once we’re actually in that position. I’ve never felt so passionate about someone before. I’m so scared. (I was literally talking to another girl before her and ended it because I was going to enlist) She says the same. That she has never felt so passionate with someone and wants me to be her husband. No, we are not each others firsts, if that matters. [Not super important, but just wanted to lay this out here to maybe show how much she actually likes me. She’s payed for everything for the first 3 months, she drove me around for the same amount of time, coming from someone whose family has money. Not saying all,but most woman would not put up with this for the beginning of a relationship. I’ve been to multiple family functions with her too. And YES I’ve been paying for more things and showering her with gifts since I’ve started working, I don’t think I could ever pay her back. ] All that being said we are in a happy relationship, I’ve never doubted once how I felt about her like I have with my past partners.

I’ve talked to my friends about it too and they say to do what’s best for me and if it works out then it works out. I think I might hate the whole process, having FOMO and everything (yes i know this is childish of me), but I’m thinking about my future and the benefits. I don’t want to be a failure. I want my kids to have more opportunities and be able to go to college without going in debt like I am after just one semester of college. This situation is really doing a toll on my mental. I’ve been putting actual thought into this decision before I actually do it because I don’t want to make the same mistake I did for college, but again, the main thing I’m scared of currently is losing my relationship because most of all I want to be a good partner for her, someone she can rely on in the future when she needs it. I know I’m young, but things start now and I want to build a career. At the end of the day I’m not sure what to do and just need more outside perspectives, or advice.

Anything helps, I just want to hear more voices.