Feel embarrassed by anything I do
Every single thing I’m embarrassed by. When I’m at work and refilling the soda cooler, I feel that everyone is watching me and judging how I pick up and place the sodas in the cooler.
When I walk through a line of people, I feel like they are watching how I walk.
When I talk, this is the worst feeling, I feel like the other person is listening to every gulp and wrong pronunciation.
When I eat in front of someone, I feel like I am chewing so loud and make more of a mess as I feel weird and start to shake or eat too quickly.
Even when I stand in a crowd, at a concert or event, I feel i’m 100% being too boring, and I want to be dancing or talking to someone, but I’m too embarrassed by how stupid I’d look. You know those headbanger people, there’s always a handful of them at concerts- they do look really funny, but in a cool, i want to be like that, carefree, kind of way.
When I wear my glasses I recently purchased, i feel like Im wearing goggles and everyone is thinking i look out of place, like they can tell I normally don’t wear glasses.
But I still have a weird sense of idgaf, like if someone is openly judging me, it makes me want to be more weird to piss them off. But then it feels like i’m acting normal because i have confidence??? . If it’s a higher authority I don’t want to judge me, I just act awkward because i’m overthinking everything. idk