u/sicksadworld111

It's hard.

4 years on T. Strange day today.

First, I thought someone called me "Miss" outside a shop. Was super confused and wondered if I'd misheard. He wasn't making eye contact and I don't get misgendered at all.

Then, the mother of a new student I tutor kept calling me "she". I corrected her, and she said it was because of her language skills. English isn't her first language, and some languages don't have gendered pronouns. She's also very Christian, and my name is a masculine Bible name, so she should know I'm male. But she doesn't call her son "she". So...

I had to just walk home and deal with the confusion and upset. I was interested to find that I cared less than I used to. Whether or not people see me correctly doesn't change who I am. But it does change how I feel in public, and how I feel at work, and how I feel in new environments. And that counts for a lot.

It's exhausting, and we have limited power to change it. I see a lot of advice going round ftm subs about how to act and dress, but the truth is that there's only so much you can control. And there's also only so much you can know. Maybe a tenth of the public thinks I'm a woman. Who knows.

It's hard to accept that when you don't feel happy with where you're at yet. There's a lot I still want to change about my body.

But I know I'm not a "she", and I knew that before everyone else could see it.

So screw the public