u/shyfather

This is going to be long and I'm on mobile I'm so sorry. It's 5 years worth of info.

Some info about us:

My partner (30) and I (30) have been together since we were 17. My partner has bipolar 2, professionally is a hair stylist (but trying to switch careers this will come into play). I am a full time artist, I have worked for major animation studios and before the economy got shitty I could support us on one income if needed(albeit living on a budget) but then I got laid off. We are both from Los Angeles and are extremely used to the high cost of living.

In 2021 my partner's aunt passed away from a rare cancer. We were both close with her. She worked a dead end job she didn't love until she died. My partner, who at the time was a pretty successful hair stylist, decided they hated cutting hair and wanted to leave the industry. They didn't want to end up like their aunt. I was working at a huge studio at the time and was contracted for at least 2 years. I recommended they go back to school and work part time since we could afford it.

It was going great at first but over the semester they got more serious about going to school and started only working 3 days a week, then 2, then 1, then they told me they need to quit and can't keep doing work and school. I became our soul income but they were still doing school full time. Then the pattern started again but with school. Slowly dropping classes until they weren't taking anything. Around the same time I was laid off. We lived off my savings and credit cards until I broke down mid 2023 and begged them to get a job.

They got a job at an hourly hair salon making 17/hr+tips, I went back to working service and minimum wage jobs due to the state of the animation industry. My partner still expressed wanting to leave hair styling. I told them they can but they can't stop working this time because we can't afford it. The cycle started again were they worked and did school then over a year work became part time, school became full time. They decided they wanted to start at a university and took out student loans. We talked about it and I said not until we were in a better place. I was ignored and they did it anyways.

They ended up going into outpatient treatment on their days off. (Started September 2025) School became part time and they ended up quitting their job. Then they ended up dropping out of school too. To focus on out patient. I was already working multiple jobs at this point, they got put on temporary disability. We couldn't pay rent or bills.

We had to move. We are living with their mom, three hours away from where I work. My partners mom is extremely abusive, But we quite literally had no where to go. Being here has basically undone everything that was worked on in outpatient. My partner still doesn't know what they want to do and expressed suicidal ideations when going back to cutting hair is brought up. They say they will just work in retail. They want to keep living in high cost of living areas, I basically snapped at them yesterday and was clear that that won't happen unless we have better jobs. I honestly don't know what to do. They will start learning a new trade and then switch majors or drop out or quit everything. I want our life and my partner back. I don't know what to do. I love them so much but I worry I am enabling this spiral. I am hurt that I took on 2 years of being the soul provider so they could change their career and the spiral just keeps repeating. We had enough saved for a down payment on a house in LA. Now we literally have nothing.

If anyone has advice please. I love them but I don't know how to help.

TLDR: My partner has been in a spiral for 5 years. It was triggered by their aunts death. I don't know what to do.

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