u/sheena2015

Hello! I have taken a pause from querying (after some rejections) and would love some eyes on my pacing (especially in the first three chapters), line-level prose, whether the characters are well developed and the plot makes sense. I am happy to swap over Google Docs and looking for a short timeline, around 2-3 weeks. Also willing to share partial excerpts.

Description/query:

[This is] LOVE IN THE HIMALAYAS, a contemporary romance novel with adventure elements, complete at 78,000 words. It will appeal to fans of the coming-of-age arc of Much Ado about Nada by Uzma Jalaluddin, the adventure-romance in Something Wilder by Christina Lauren and the childhood history in Every Summer After by Carley Fortune.

Meera Kelkar manages her father’s sports stores in Mumbai by day and retreats into her comfort zone of home by night. All she needs is a happily-ever-after with her best friend, Ravi, who has feelings for her but worries she won’t fit into his life of travel and activity-hopping. Intent on winning Ravi over, Meera joins him on a two-week trek to escort a seven-year-old orphan, Khushi, to her adoptive parents in the Himalayas.

Midway through, Meera accepts Ravi’s dare to explore a cave with the help of her tour guide, Fahad. All is well–until a landslide traps them inside. Using her ingenuity and Fahad’s moral support, Meera engineers an escape, only to realize she may not need to change to find love. Despite Fahad’s incomplete healing from a bad break-up, they find a safe space with each other, and a chemistry hotter than a Mumbai summer.

After meeting Khushi’s adoptive parents, Meera suspects they have misrepresented themselves and are hiding ulterior motives. When Ravi shies away, Meera must decide whether to back down with him, or to team up with Fahad to bring Khushi back to Mumbai. With a growing threat of violence from the adoptive parents, Meera’s choice will affect all their lives, and her ultimate love story. 

Tropes: love triangle, slow burn, quest, childhood friends

Setting: Indian Himalayan mountains and surrounding villages

Tone: it’s an easy, fast-paced read with plenty of setting description

POV: single (Meera)

Content warnings: parent death from cancer, adoption

Heat level: low/closed-door but includes intimate moments

Hello! I tried to address the comments from last time and am feeling hopeful about this version except that I feel the fourth paragraph could read better but don't know how to improve it. I also added a third comp on the advice of a beta reader. Thanks in advance!!

Dear <agent’s name>,

I’m thrilled to share HIMALAYA, a contemporary romance novel complete at 78,000 words. It will appeal to fans of the coming-of-age arc of Much Ado about Nada by Uzma Jalaluddin, the nature-based romance in Something Wilder by Christina Lauren and the childhood history in Every Summer After by Carley Fortune.

Meera Kelkar manages her traditional-minded father’s sports stores in Mumbai by day, retreating into her comfort zone of home by night. All she needs is a happily-ever-after with her childhood best friend, Ravi, who has feelings for her but can’t see her fitting into his life of travel and activity-hopping. Intent on winning him over, Meera joins him on a mission to escort a seven-year-old orphan, Khushi, to her adoptive parents in the Himalayas.

Meera decides to explore a cave with the help of her tour guide, Fahad, to prove her bravery to Ravi. All is well–until a landslide traps them both in the cave. With Fahad’s moral support, Meera engineers an escape and realizes she may not need to change to find love. Despite Fahad’s incomplete healing from a bad break-up, they find a safe space with each other, and a chemistry hotter than a Mumbai summer. 

Reaching Khushi’s adoptive parents, Meera suspects they are hiding ulterior motives and while Ravi shies away, Meera and Fahad team up to get Khushi back to safety. Back home in Mumbai, Meera’s father, who only approves of Ravi, forces her to choose between family loyalty and her new love with Fahad. Meera must confront if she’s willing to lose out on her beloved sports business and family home to stay true to herself and pursue her happily ever after.

I am a writer and [job and location]. My short fiction has appeared in magazines including xyz. This book was inspired by the Himalayan mountains, where my family and I have trekked over decades.

I look forward to hearing from you!

Warmest regards,

Name

Hi there! I am actively querying now and am worried my fourth paragraph ends awkwardly, so looking for further feedback or ideas. I incorporated all the great feedback from the last round. Thanks so much in advance!

Dear Agent,

I’m thrilled to share HIMALAYA, a contemporary romantic adventure novel complete at 80,000 words, in which a woman joins a Himalayan volunteer mission to win over her adventure-loving best friend, but her rugged, sensitive tour guide shows her what love actually looks like. It will appeal to fans of the coming-of-age arc of Much Ado about Nada by Uzma Jalaluddin and the nature-based romance in Something Wilder by Christina Lauren.

Meera manages her father’s sports stores in Mumbai by day and retreats to her comfort zone by evening. All she needs is a happily-ever-after with her best friend, Ravi, who has feelings for her but can’t envision Meera fitting into his life of travel and activity-hopping. Intent on convincing Ravi she’s the one for him, Meera joins him on a volunteer mission to escort a seven-year-old orphan, Khushi, to adoptive parents in a Himalayan village in India.

When Meera gets trapped in a collapsing cave with her rugged tour guide, Fahad, his protective and supportive presence makes her realize there are other fish (or men) in the sea. And despite Fahad’s incomplete healing from a bad break-up, they find a safe space with each other, and a chemistry hotter than a Mumbai summer. Braving rocky terrain and crossing treacherous rivers with Fahad, Meera wonders if love doesn’t have to be a performance after all… and if she might be enough just the way she is.

When the group brings Khushi to her adoptive parents, Meera suspects they have misrepresented themselves and are hiding ulterior motives. Meera has to decide whether to back down, or go full Lara Croft and risk her and Fahad’s lives to get Khushi back. Placing trust in herself, and in the man who’s beginning to steal her heart, has never mattered more—especially when her father only approves of Ravi. Each of the men appeal to different sides of her and Meera’s choices will change many lives. 

I am a writer and [bio details]. My short fiction has appeared in magazines including Brilliant Flash Fiction, Flash Fiction Magazine, Five on the Fifth Magazine, and Bright Flash Literary Review. This book was inspired by the Himalayan mountains, where my family and I have trekked for decades. [more bio details].

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Warm regards,
[name]