u/sdyellow32

I'm struggling managing friendships as I age. The biggest challenges are that I'm very introverted, have been chronically financially poor for awhile now, and struggle with mental health(esp right before and after my brother passed from suicide 2 years ago).

Most if not all of my deeper, long-term friendships are from high school and college and are distance. Enough distance to where it makes it very difficult to visit with my finances and job instability limiting asking off to prioritize those experiences that sustain evolving friendships as we all tackle different chapters, relationships, responsibilities, etc.

I've struggled making in-person friends, which I've really tried to prioritize to help not be so dependent on my other friendships and sustain the in-person connection I need. But, I'm constantly working and have had to job hop many toxic work environments and struggled with my familial situation, so it's made it very challenging to be able to attend in-person, let alone free, events to connect with others in a way that is sustaining enough to create new 'chosen family' or minimum solid, sustainable support network. (It's hard, because that's a 'tall order' if you will, but I have so little capacity and know that I can't invest in surface level relationships.) It also means I've had the very difficult time of navigating discerning whether to allow work relationships bud into friendships as I'd prefer not to (but we all know this struggle as we see those folks the most) and ultimately either being burned, having to forego the good ones when leaving a toxic work environment, or just outright not creating them at all and lacking connection, etc. I also live in a rural, southern area and am queer, so it just makes it hard to show up as myself even when I do have the capacity.

I feel like my long-term ones are growing apart due to circumstances and like I can't sustain in-person ones and I just feel very lonely and want to find other ways of creating friends, even if it's almost like 'dating' where I state what 'I'm looking for' towards the beginning of developing one or 'what I want to prioritize/tend to' in the midst of one evolving(even the established ones).

I am(31F/NB) determined to find a way to date that works for me, even if it's not ideal or what I deserve, because human connection is so, so incredibly important. I'm curious if others have just tried loose dating, friends with benefits, stopped altogether, etc. and what tips/methods have worked for them?

Context: I've had a rough go of it for about 6-7 years now both financially and relationally, including romantically. I'll admit there have definitely been things that I have learned along the way and worked on, yet I'm also aware that I've genuinely just gotten an unlucky streak of job and partner stuff.

I've struggled dating due to being poor since 2018, but especially the last few years where it has been more of interest as I get older.

Biggest challenges:

- past of sexual trauma, so FWB is hard for me as I need to feel safe and that requires more intimate relationship building and that often is a slippery slope with FWB even with good boundaries

- I also have a medical condition that makes intimacy a bit harder at times, so that adds another layer towards compatibility

- I thank gosh live alone, but since I'm poor, I don't run my AC much if at all, meaning we have to hope their place is suitable since most public places cost money and most 3rd spaces are hot 80% of the year where I live (this also means homes are typically entered earlier in the relationship as opposed to pacing at own leisure)

- I live in a small town and grew up here, so that limits the dating pool even more and makes for 'messing up' as I explore the world of dating even more risky

- I'm queer and gender non-conforming but very white woman passing initially, so it's always a thing to mentally prepare folks that I don't shave or trust when they say it's fine

- survival mode makes it hard to be present or have the capacity to try in the first place or maintain momentum.

- I can be creative with dates, not take judgement personally, etc. but I understand folks with more money not wanting to always pay and getting tired of it, which oftentimes makes you incompatible. Also, it often takes time and energy to be thoughtful and proactive for free stuff, which is often limited when you're poor and working multiple jobs. Also, this overlaps with loved ones in general. If you're needing to get new jobs almost every year due to toxic work environments or unstable employment, you can never plan in advance and often can't ask off for birthday, weddings, holidays, etc.

- very, very introverted and barely have time for friends and family let alone the trial and error of a new person

- my brother took his life two years ago, and much of my life prior to that point was navigating the tricky line of supporting & keeping a distance from him, potentially adopting his kids, and balancing my dysfunctional family dynamic (esp since I couldn't fully support myself). It may not be my fault, but that is a big topic/part of one's life when dating that you don't really want to glaze over or go too long without disclosing as part of the relationship they're investing in.

- ^^because of this, I still struggle with codependency. I attend support groups every week. Have been in therapy since I was a teen. I do the work and likely will the rest of my life. I'm not lazy, it's just the cards I've been dealt and I'm taking responsibility the best way I can, but healing often needs others/relationships to take place. You can only solo journal or research so much.

People always suggest, "Take time for yourself until you get more stable," or, "The right person won't care." I have even heard from folks with more money state it's more of 'why' someone is poor, recognizing it may be struggles of someone who has worked hard but just has a rough go of things or has medical/personal challenges that make it difficult for them to advance or make more money - all being no big deal. Although said with good intentions, it's exhausting when it's been ongoing for years and it is understandable that people get tired of it. Also, it is much more likely to be a big deal either initially or eventually if it's been ongoing(which it has been + cumulative, which is also often the case since poverty is part of a system that is meant to keep you poor.) It is objectively not the most compatible situation for most, and I try my best to not get depressed about it. I know I'm a great person and 'deserve love' just like everyone else.

If you just have kind words, that's great. If you also have tips that have helped you navigate dating, please share. Whether it's being upfront when dating about what you can offer and what you want(while still figuring it our and knowing it may change), or finding acceptance with the one-off connections, relating to others in similar situations, etc. I'd love anything that helps.

I am determined to find a way to date that works for me, even if it's not ideal or what I deserve, because human connection is so, so incredibly important. I'm curious if others have just tried loose dating, friends with benefits, stopped altogether, etc. and what tips/methods have worked for them?

Context: I've had a rough go of it for about 6-7 years now both financially and relationally, including romantically. I'll admit there have definitely been things that I have learned along the way and worked on, yet I'm also aware that I've genuinely just gotten an unlucky streak of job and partner stuff.

I've struggled dating due to being poor since 2018, but especially the last few years where it has been more of interest as I get older

Biggest challenges:

- past of sexual trauma, so FWB is hard for me as I need to feel safe and that requires more intimate relationship building and that often is a slippery slope with FWB even with good boundaries

- I also have a medical condition that makes intimacy a bit harder at times, so that adds another layer of compatibility

- I thank gosh live alone, but since I'm poor, I don't run my AC much if at all, meaning we have to hope their place is suitable since most places cost money and 3rd spaces are hot 80% of the year where I live (this also means homes are typically entered earlier in the relationship as opposed to pacing at own leisure)

- I live in a small town and grew up here, so that limits the dating pool even more and makes for 'messing up' as I learn to date again even more risky

- I'm queer and gender non-conforming but very white woman passing initially, so it's always a thing to mentally prepare folks that I don't shave or trust when they say it's fine

- survival mode makes it hard to be present or have the capacity to try in the first place or maintain momentum.

- I can be creative with dates, not take judgement personally, etc. but I understand folks with more money not wanting to always pay and getting tired of it, which oftentimes makes you incompatible. Also, it often takes time and energy to be thoughtful and proactive, which is often limited when you're poor and working multiple jobs. Also, this overlaps with loved ones in general. If you're needing to get new jobs almost every year due to toxic work environments or unstable employment, you can never plan in advance and often can't ask off for birthday, weddings, holidays, etc.

- very, very introverted and barely have time for friends and family let alone the trial and error of a new person

- my brother took his life two years ago, and much of my life prior to that point was navigating the tricky line of supporting & keeping a distance from him, potentially adopting his kids, and balancing my dysfunctional family dynamic (esp since I couldn't fully support myself). It may not be my fault, but that is a big topic/part of one's life when dating that you don't really want to glaze over or go too long without disclosing as part of the relationship they're investing in.

- ^^because of this, I still struggle with codependency. I attend every week. Have been in therapy since I was a teen. I do the work and likely will the rest of my life. I'm not lazy, it's just the cards I've been dealt and I'm taking responsibility the best way I can, but healing often needs others/relationships to take place. You can only solo journal or research so much.

People always suggest, "Take time for yourself until you get more stable," or, "The right person won't care." I have even heard from folks with more money state it's more of 'why' someone is poor, recognizing it may be struggles of someone who has worked hard but just has a rough go of things or has medical/personal challenges that make it difficult for them to advance or make more money - all being no big deal. Although said with good intention, it's exhausting when it's being ongoing for years and it is understandable that people get tired of it. Also, it is much more likely to be a big deal either initially or eventually if it's ongoing(which it has and cumulative, which often is the case since poverty is part of a system that is meant to keep you poor. It is objectively not the most compatible situation for most, and I try my best to not get depressed about it. I know I'm a great person and 'deserve love' just like everyone else.

If you just have kind words, that's great. If you also have tips that have helped you navigate dating, please share. Whether it's being upfront when dating about what you can offer and what you want(while still figuring it our and knowing it may change), or finding acceptance with the one-off connections, relating to others in similar situations, etc. I'd love anything that helps.

I am(31F/NB) determined to find a way to date that works for me, even if it's not ideal or what I deserve, because human connection is so, so incredibly important. I'm curious if others have just tried loose dating, friends with benefits, stopped altogether, etc. and what tips/methods have worked for them?

Context: I've had a rough go of it for about 6-7 years now both financially and relationally, including romantically. I'll admit there have definitely been things that I have learned along the way and worked on, yet I'm also aware that I've genuinely just gotten an unlucky streak of job and partner stuff.

I've struggled dating due to being poor since 2018, but especially the last few years where it has been more of interest as I get older

Biggest challenges:

- past of sexual trauma, so FWB is hard for me as I need to feel safe and that requires more intimate relationship building and that often is a slippery slope with FWB even with good boundaries

- I also have a medical condition that makes intimacy a bit harder at times, so that adds another layer of compatibility

- I thank gosh live alone, but since I'm poor, I don't run my AC much if at all, meaning we have to hope their place is suitable since most places cost money and 3rd spaces are hot 80% of the year where I live (this also means homes are typically entered earlier in the relationship as opposed to pacing at own leisure)

- I live in a small town and grew up here, so that limits the dating pool even more and makes for 'messing up' as I learn to date again even more risky

- I'm queer and gender non-conforming but very white woman passing initially, so it's always a thing to mentally prepare folks that I don't shave or trust when they say it's fine

- survival mode makes it hard to be present or have the capacity to try in the first place or maintain momentum.

- I can be creative with dates, not take judgement personally, etc. but I understand folks with more money not wanting to always pay and getting tired of it, which oftentimes makes you incompatible. Also, it often takes time and energy to be thoughtful and proactive, which is often limited when you're poor and working multiple jobs. Also, this overlaps with loved ones in general. If you're needing to get new jobs almost every year due to toxic work environments or unstable employment, you can never plan in advance and often can't ask off for birthday, weddings, holidays, etc.

- very, very introverted and barely have time for friends and family let alone the trial and error of a new person

- my brother took his life two years ago, and much of my life prior to that point was navigating the tricky line of supporting & keeping a distance from him, potentially adopting his kids, and balancing my dysfunctional family dynamic (esp since I couldn't fully support myself). It may not be my fault, but that is a big topic/part of one's life when dating that you don't really want to glaze over or go too long without disclosing as part of the relationship they're investing in.

- ^^because of this, I still struggle with codependency. I attend every week. Have been in therapy since I was a teen. I do the work and likely will the rest of my life. I'm not lazy, it's just the cards I've been dealt and I'm taking responsibility the best way I can, but healing often needs others/relationships to take place. You can only solo journal or research so much.

People always suggest, "Take time for yourself until you get more stable," or, "The right person won't care." I have even heard from folks with more money state it's more of 'why' someone is poor, recognizing it may be struggles of someone who has worked hard but just has a rough go of things or has medical/personal challenges that make it difficult for them to advance or make more money - all being no big deal. Although said with good intention, it's exhausting when it's being ongoing for years and it is understandable that people get tired of it. Also, it is much more likely to be a big deal either initially or eventually if it's ongoing(which it has and cumulative, which often is the case since poverty is part of a system that is meant to keep you poor. It is objectively not the most compatible situation for most, and I try my best to not get depressed about it. I know I'm a great person and 'deserve love' just like everyone else.

If you just have kind words, that's great. If you also have tips that have helped you navigate dating, please share. Whether it's being upfront when dating about what you can offer and what you want(while still figuring it our and knowing it may change), or finding acceptance with the one-off connections, relating to others in similar situations, etc. I'd love anything that helps.

I feel I'm at a crossroads with whether to keep photography a hobby/occasional gig or pursue it more part-time.

I started shooting 2013 and have gone back and forth with whether to pursue business or not. I learned very quickly it was very special to me and I didn't want it to be tainted with the pressure of my sole income/feeding me and loved ones. I also realized I didn't like the business side (especially pressure from social media), props or intense portraiture but rather documentary, fine art, photojournalistic background. I simultaneously was realizing this as I was pursuing Art Therapy and then pivoted to Photojournalism in undergrad, which matters for the fact that it led me on the path of mostly communications roles. They've been great in that they have let me prioritize NOT having the pressure of putting food on the table with only photography and feel way more confident in the business side of everything with many orgs I've worked for. Also, because of it, I've done almost everything under the sun with photography and communications overall, and I still find myself after a decade loving it and still wanting to pursue it.

I tried to start a photo business in 2020 riiiight before we knew of the pandemic, so that failed. Tried starting one this past year with even bigger ambitions of traveling, galleries, workshops, etc. and am still active but my job situation juuuust changed to where it may not be possible again. That plus the fears of starting a business during intensifying climate collapse, fascism, AI, geopolitical tensions, etc. just makes me wonder if I need to go ahead and dissolve before I'm really in deep bad or stay the course as a means to keep at it and maintain stability should my job instability continue or worsen with the way the world is going.

I know this is a personal decision. I'm mostly giving context and ultimately curious of other perspectives on a. the practicality of starting a photo business right now? and b. things to consider to be prepared to navigate going forward? as it's clearly not the same landscape or market as it was in 2013 or 2020.

TLDR; Objectively, without fully knowing another's situation, is it realistic to begin a photography business right now or maintain as hobby with so much instability in the world? If yes, of course it will be hard, so what are items you suggest prioritize preparing for (such as AI)? If no, just no outright or hold off and things to consider if start at later date?

No harsh judgement or combative sentiments not related to the actual ask please. Simply getting different opinions.