Nearly two years since my darling husband died-an honest question
Hi everyone,
I haven't posted in a while. Life took over. I hope you are all surviving. I have a very honest thing I just realised, and I wonder if anyone else has the same feelings- male or female.
Where I am now at nearly two years since my darling husband died.
I still feel very much married to him and wear my rings. I can't ever see myself being with anyone else romantically or physically. I truly miss him and still cry quite a bit when alone. I am not lonely as I have a lovely family and good friends and value my own space. I love my home and my dog. I am spiritually contented and want to be here for my family and have no suicidal ideation. I have a good life with only one big hole in it-I miss my husband and all that we did together. He was a lovely man, and we had kind of traditional roles in that I cooked etc and he did all the DIY and heavy garden work while I planted seeds. He was very protective of me and had such a presence. He was ex-military, and his hobbies were very 'male shed' ones. Yet he was gentle and my best friend. A true gentleman.
Recently, I felt there was something MORE missing than his presence and love. And it feels awkward to say out loud. I have heard some widowers talk of missing a woman's touch in their life, and I have recognised that I feel the same about having a male presence. My children are female, my best friends are female- even my doggo is female. My neighbours are widows.
I am surrounded by female energy, which is lovely, and I am very grateful for the love and laughter that comes from that. But I enjoy when workmen come to the house, and I make them coffee and have a chat. I realise that many of my old friends from before my husband came into my life were male. I enjoyed their company. I don't want to date. I just miss the male energy I used to have in my life, and YES, that did involve not having to change a lightbulb high up outside the front door. Or bring wood in for the fire. lol.
So, I wonder if anyone else misses the presence of the opposite sex, not in a sexual way. More, as maybe gentle support and friendship? Do any women miss having a man around sometimes, and do men miss having a woman around, not living with them, just being there with a feminine touch or energy?
Or do you feel that if you can't have your spouse, you don't want anyone, even as a friend? I would be very interested in your views.
thank you