u/ryuks-wife

I am 26, living 6 hours from home with my fiance. We are wedding planning and have an event at our venue this week. guests are allowed, so we invited my mother and his mother.

my mom just visited a few weeks ago (when my fiance was out of town) with her two rather untrained dogs. they can be alot to handle. one is small and she refuses to house train, so he has to have pee pads put down when we leave for any amount of time. she refuses to crate train as well. I find the pee pads disgusting, but I put up with it. Just disinfected the area after. now my fiance has said absolutely not, if a dog needs pee pads it isn't visiting my house without a crate. you also have to put all items on tables up high (remotes, books, shoes, etc) because they will either destroy or at minimum carry them around the house. she doesnt want to lock them in a bedroom over fear the bigger dog will try to destroy the door.

she never leaves them for more than 4 hours home alone. this event will be 3 hours, a 2.5 hour round trip drive, and id like to go early to spend the day in the cute little town. my mom asked if she can bring the dogs and I said I would rather not. especially with my future mother in law visiting, it's just so much extra stress. but the little (newer to her) dog has never boarded (the other has) and needs to get the shots needed and all the places she's tried wont let him stay because he's never been for attitude testing or anything that kennels do.

she wont ask the one person who could watch them because he doesnt have a fenced in yard.

now she is saying she isn't going to come at all because she isnt "going to bring them and then feel the tension and inconvenience of Benny needing pee pads." (Benny is the little dog).

am i the asshole for not just letting her visit with the dogs? or am I the asshole for not "accepting" her as she is with my fiance and future mother in law?