u/rmcg76

I have a thriller manuscript that has seen two passes by an editor and three beta readers. I’ve been querying since February, having revised my query with support here on Reddit. I’ve only gotten rejections thus far. However, the rejections I’ve received since the latest revision have been personalized with feedback. Some of which have left comments such as, “interesting premise but not for my list,” or “I was intrigued but ultimately have to pass” or “I can see readers enjoying this but my contacts wouldn’t be a good fit.” Some mentioned taking time to consider it, making me think it wasn’t a quick rejection and was in limbo for a bit before they decided to move on.

I’m very close to going the Reedsy route so a professional can give me feedback on my query letter and first 5k words of my manuscript to hopefully change my results, but they’re expensive. I understand that’s the nature of the beast but I’m afraid that I’ll have poured a substantial amount of money throughout this whole process to possibly have to go the self-publishing route so my work wasn’t for nothing, which leads to more expenses re marketing, etc. having done that before.

I’m curious, knowing there’s probably many of you out there who’ve experienced similar frustrations. When have you stopped? Did you feel like me, keep going, and find an agent or get published? I’m curious what your experiences have been.

Thanks in advance!

Hey everyone. My manuscript was originally titled THE TRESPASSER, but after some feedback I have decided to change it to WHAT SHE DID INSIDE. Pasted below is my revised query. I have made several changes since my original post here on reddit.

I have queried a total of 74 agents with 15 rejections. However, that includes rejections from earlier versions of my query letter that I now realize were not the best. So far, I have queried 19 agents with this letter with 4 rejections. Two of those rejections included helpful feedback, such as they enjoyed the premise, but didn't feel they knew the right publishers for it. One rejection was the second agent from the same agency as another rejection, and it came quick, so I'm thinking that might have been a waste of an attempt. If true, that would bring me to 3 authentic rejections out of 19. Either way, I don't think 3 or 4 rejections out of 15 attempts is enough to necessarily conclude that my query letter is the problem, but it might be, so that's why I'm here.

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated!

Dear [insert name],

WHAT SHE DID INSIDE (70,000 words) is an adult psychological thriller about a woman who breaks into strangers’ homes and may be responsible for murders she doesn’t remember committing. It will appeal to fans of Riley Sager’s The Only One Left and Lisa Jewell’s None of This Is True. 

When Jade’s abandoned childhood home is bought by Kieran, a widowed father, she is forced to confront the past she’s spent years avoiding. Her mother’s murder—committed by her father—has become local folklore, now echoed by a killer targeting unfaithful husbands and staging each death the same way. 

Convinced Kieran is connected, Jade becomes obsessed. She uses her habit of breaking into strangers’ homes to slip into his life unnoticed and makes an unsettling discovery: he knows more about her past than he should. 

To get closer, Jade begins dating Kieran. When she learns he’s seeing a therapist, she inserts herself there too, but her session raises more questions than answers. The therapist’s interest in her mother’s murder feels less professional than personal. Both men are hiding something.

Lacking sufficient evidence, Jade feels less in control. When the pressure mounts, she drinks heavily, waking up disoriented, battered and bruised. She wants to blame the alcohol but can’t understand why the bottles appear untouched.

The pattern becomes hard to ignore: her blackouts occur all too close to when another murder takes place. With each new death, Jade is forced to confront a frightening possibility: she may be the killer she’s been hunting.

I publish fiction under the pen name Owen Smith, with work appearing in Black Warrior Review, Cosumnes River Journal, Iris Literary Journal, and Free Spirit Publishing’s “Games”-themed collection. I am also the author of the self-published novel The Canal: A Suspenseful Thriller.

Thank you for your consideration.

Hey everyone. I originally titled this manuscript THE TRESPASSER but revised it based on some suggestions I received. I'm a self-published author on Amazon with a few short stories having been accepted in literary magazines. I'm striving to land my first literary agent. Please share any advice you think regarding this query letter that can strengthen it. Thank you!

Dear [Agent Name],

I am seeking representation for WHAT SHE DID INSIDE, a 70,000-word psychological thriller about an unreliable woman who may be hunting a killer—or becoming one. It will appeal to readers of The House in the Pines by Ana Reyes and None of This Is True by Lisa Jewell.

When Jade was a teenager, her father was convicted of murdering her mother. Years later, a killer begins targeting unfaithful husbands, staging each murder to mirror the way Jade’s mother was killed. For Jade, it feels less like coincidence and more like history repeating itself.

Unable to reconcile what happened to her family, Jade copes in the only way she knows how: by breaking into strangers’ homes, slipping through their lives unnoticed, and leaving without a trace.

But lately, Jade is losing time.

She wakes up bruised and disoriented after nights she can’t remember, insisting it’s the alcohol, except the bottles are often untouched. As the murders escalate, so do her blackouts, each one harder to explain.

When Kieran, a recent widower, moves into Jade’s abandoned childhood home with his young daughter, Jade becomes fixated. Certain he’s hiding something, she targets him as her next trespass. But as she embeds herself deeper into his life, her suspicion begins to turn inward, and the people closest to her begin to question what she’s hiding.

With bodies mounting and her grip on reality slipping, Jade is forced to confront a terrifying possibility: she isn’t just tracking the killer; she may have been the one doing it all along.

I publish short fiction under the pen name Owen Smith, with work appearing in Black Warrior Review, Cosumnes River Journal, Iris Literary Journal, and Free Spirit Publishing’s “Games”-themed collection. I am also the author of the self-published novel The Canal: A Suspenseful Thriller.

Thank you for your consideration. I would be happy to provide the full manuscript upon request.