Self Discovery or OSDD?
To start this off, I want to preface that I was not diagnosed with DID/OSSD however I have discussed it with a previous therapist who agreed on the idea of me having OSDD. I have attempted to navigate this journey with as much respect as I can as someone without a proper diagnosis so please do not take anything I say too seriously, these are just my honest experiences and thoughts.
I believed I have had some form of OSDD (Most likely PDID) since ~2022 but my general dissociative tendencies date back to childhood. Like I mentioned before I had discussed the possibility of me having OSDD after doing some research and my therapist at the time agreed. It’s no question that I dissociate; that is a fact anybody could observe in themselves, but the question of whether I had OSDD to begin with is not as clear. When I tracked my alters, there weren’t many but they were distinct—a parental protector, a reckless persecutor, a stubborn little, and myself (The host). I suspected I had others but those three (Excluding myself) had the most substantial influence.
In all honesty, I experienced things I can’t describe in a normal singlet context. For example, I have dissociated and fallen into these parts mindsets, or come back to clear consciousness feeling confused about who I was before reassuring myself I am me, or feeling my protector completely wipe my memory during a therapy session, or feeling as though I verbally fought these parts or how my therapist noticed these parts peeking through me. These are all true experiences that regardless of a diagnosis or label I have experienced fully. However, as of recently my life has had a bit of a 180. I am in a better situation than I was a couple of years ago and I have been growing into my own self. I feel as though I am finally discovering who I actually am.
I am currently 19 and have considered the possibility that maybe my OSDD was just me still discovering myself and who I wanted to be or needed to be at the time of my situation. An interesting concept that made me question this possibility was “The Freudian Theory” in which Sigmund Freud explained that everyone’s personality is composed of three identities: the id, the ego, and the superego. The id is the instinctual part of you, the part that thrives off immediate gratification usually through compulsion, desire, aggression, or sexual drive. The ego is the reality principle that comprehends your ideas, morals, and dreams, typically acting as a counter to the id and a moral compass. And lastly, the superego is the mediator, the part that considers both the id and the ego and determines which is better to act upon in reality.
Each one of my distinct alters (Besides the little) correlated to these parts. A parental protector (The Ego), a reckless persecutor (The Id), and myself (The Superego). Although this theory could further support my claim of having OSDD, (having these parts that consist of a personality develop into full personalities through dissociation & trauma) I have not dissociated or experienced anything to indicate these alters are still present. So I wanted to pose this question to the community and ask just based on what I have shared, do you believe it was early self-discovery or OSDD?
(I understand that the true answer to this is discussing it with a professional and if anybody relates to this or is suspecting you have OSDD please speak to a professional and do your research! This was just a discussion to see if this resonated with anybody who has DID/OSDD and if you had any thoughts to add to this discussion!)