It’s not that I don’t have people to tell all of this, it’s just I find that it would be out of place.

Sometimes it feels like my mind is eating me alive because of how much I think. The thoughts aren’t negative, not necessarily, it’s just the constant flow of thoughts that jump from topic to a shape, from shape to colour, and from that to a different topic. It’s a very complicated space that I can’t personally explain nor imagine, it’s something that works on autopilot. The processing speed, probably?

It’s exhausting. I really can’t do anything normal without these constant fluctuations aka calculations occurring on the background. I’m painfully aware of the process, and I really want some… quiet.

I dream about just being an observer, someone without thoughts, who can just look at life and don’t participate.

Exhaustion leads to fatigue, fatigue leads to sadness, and sadness leads to unwanted thoughts.

Never ending loop.

It might sound very romantic or whatever, because I probably worded it that way, but it’s 04:32 AM and I can’t fall asleep due to my brain tormenting me with all of this.

Sometimes I feel like talking more helps, but it just fries my nervous system. it becomes more aroused. Can I even say that?

Seeking professional help is an immediate solution and a logical response to this struggle, I realised that very long time ago.

Why I didn’t do it yet? I know why, but I’m too tired to continue to write

very