Just needed to post for accountability.
The last 3 or so years have been really difficult for me. I was already disabled, but all of my health issues have gotten worse. Then, my brain decided to suddenly unblock some of the abuse from my childhood, which led to one of the most severe mental health spirals of my life, and a PTSD diagnosis. I went through some intense therapy for the PTSD, but slipped a lot after the course ended. I’ve pretty much completely given up on everything. One of my main ways of coping has been shopping. That on top of the fact that I haven’t been able to do much to clean my room beyond changing bedding in about 2.5 years… it’s straight up a hoarding issue and it’s just getting to be unbearable at this point. I’m always exhausted, on edge, and in pain, but I really need my pretty, cozy, safe space back.
Far more important than just needing my space in decent condition for myself, my messiness and hoarding has moved out of my room and into other parts of the house and it’s affecting my mom. My dad is also a hoarder, so she’s now dealing with two hoarding situations under one roof. My dad genuinely doesn’t care about anyone else’s discomfort and isn’t interested in getting help, so I desperately want to stop adding to the awful stress my mom is under. I feel bad enough for having to rely so much on her because of my health issues, and I hate myself even more for actively adding more distress to her life. It’s not fair, and I want so badly to fix it.
So tonight, I am going to try my absolute hardest to do something about it. I’ve been telling myself I’ll definitely start “tomorrow” or “later tonight” since early February, but I haven’t been able to actually do it. I know this has been a rambling mess, but I’m hoping posting here will give me the push and accountability I need to just start. I know for sure I’m getting a migraine, but my goal for tonight after work is still to at least get as much trash out of my room (and into the trash outside) as possible, and to gather and sort all the laundry I have all over the place. Wish me luck!