I'm ready to give up on love and dating
37m
I met my ex when I was 14 years old in a chatroom. We ended up getting married. Together for 18 years. Married for closer to 10. We had children together and then she succumbed to PPD and cheated. At least I got custody of the children.
Dating since I was 32 has been extremely rough.
I've dated and slept with them all. Moms, milfs, cougars, a lesbian, a girl born after 9/11, redheads, blue hairs, fat, skinny, black, Asian, and the assortment. The crazy run I've had; I dated a woman who was indicted on nearly 20 felonies and a gang of kids.. she was fun honestly.
I've had two women ask me to propose to them. I've had a stalker who, is still probably stalking me (it's been a few months).
I'm just exhausted. I want to be a partner and have a family. I want to love on someone and be a good partner. I want to show up for them and make their life easier. I want to share and enjoy life with someone. I already own a home with acreage. I have a good career. I'm tall, decent looking and in great physical shape. Reddit would have you believe that women would be tossing themselves at me. Of course that's not true.
My current girlfriend of nearly 6 months just keeps crashing out. Her job and life are just too difficult, and she wants to see me more. I have custody of my children and work two jobs, so I just **can't** do more. I have explicitly told her, June. Everything changes in June; she can meet my children and we can start to spend more time together. Currently I see her 2x a week. On top of that, I'll play hooky at work sometimes to come see her, or on an occasion, once my children are asleep at about 9pm, I'll get a family member to hang with them, while I sneak out to hang at her place until early in the morning. 2x a week just isn't enough for her. She'll say it's fine, but then crashes out. I explain the situation, she says she just needs some affirmation that she'll be included into my life, but almost immediately (like the next day) she will crash out and ask if she can see me again.
It's beginning to lead to me being exhausted and drained. I feel like I am stepping up and trying to do everything I can. I sneak by little gifts. I pop in and say hello with snacks and treats sometimes. I text her like crazy. In 6 months, she's never been left on read or gone even hours without hearing from me.
I guess I'll cut this rant. I'm just starting to really get into my feelings. This woman is amazing in so many ways. Nerdy, intelligent, career, funny, hot as fuck, nerdy redhead academic type. We enjoy so much of the same. I don't think on 6 months I've ever asked ANYTHING of her, other than some patience in meeting my children. But we're hitting the 6 month mark and it's just getting exhausting.
Pictured is my bomb ass lunch, provided by work. Roast beef, green beans and potatoes.