u/rabbit_121

This isn’t groundbreaking or anything that hasn’t been said before, but something that I think needs to be looked at with a more critical eye is dress codes for women at events, especially weddings.

I acknowledge certain things are apart of cultural tradition and I wouldn’t necessarily encourage anyone to wear white to a traditional western wedding (despite the reasoning I’ve heard behind the bride wearing white is questionable). However, as a young 20 something year old navigating what is and isn’t cocktail, formal ect it all just feels so….incredibly sexist?

A lot of dress code for women seems to be just based off of how much of your body is visible. I’ve found that other women (especially older women) are very harsh when it comes to this. Oh your dress is showing your shoulders? Make sure it’s covering everything else. Your dress comes slightly before your knees? Inappropriate and distracting. Your dress outlines your figure in the slightest? Make sure you wear a shawl. I mean think about the message we are telling women when we say dresses that don’t cover a minimum of 80% of your body/figure doesn’t honor the bride.

I’m a tall girl with a big butt. I am finding it exhausting trying to look for dresses that will cover up and compensate for that fact. I’m not even going to get too much into how eurocentric dress code tends to be, but culturally for me women tend to reveal more of their figure and it be acceptable.

Not to mention men get to default to a suit and tie for any of these types of events and it’s probably the same one they wear to every single one. We as women are expected to just have a plethora of nice dresses to fit every occasion because god forbid your caught wearing the same dress you wore from another event.

This is not as pressing as other issues I’m just venting about how bs these standards are for women. Maybe spark discussion, I’d like to know others thoughts on this. Ultimately I’ll still go of course. I’ll wear a dress that isn’t ‘too revealing’ but isn’t ‘too prudish’ and walk my thin line lol.

Basically the title lol. I’m finding conflicting answers on google of what is and isn’t cocktail.

TLDR: Our lease is almost up and roommate who we sublet from is arguing he has to a walkthrough despite landlord telling him he doesn’t and blaming us for not being able to leave. Both roommates are also arguing they shouldn’t have to clean certain parts of the house.

For background me and my partner (who I’ll call W) is subletting from “X” who is also living in the house with their partner “Z” who is also subletting. From the beginning of us living together we didn’t have a great relationship. We would say hi to them in passing and would either ignore us or sorta say it back in a tone that they were annoyed. Ok fine, me and W then just stopped saying hi and gave them the same energy.
Really that’s not even my main concern, but that’s what I’m working with here. It’s clear that they have never liked us from the beginning.

Since X is the main renter he thinks he has to stay here longer than we do. Our lease is up in 3 weeks and he has just now communicated to us that he will be doing a walkthrough of the house after we leave so he needs to know our move out date. We told him that we don’t have an exact day yet but know it’ll occur between a 2-3 day window a week before the lease is up. It mostly just depends when our U-Haul is ready and what town we will have to travel to in order to pick it up. He keeps bringing up that it is imperative we get him a move out date asap because in his words “we are impacting his livelihood and his ability to move out and find a job” and every day he is forced to stay longer he misses a job opportunity. So me and W reach out to our landlord to ask if there is any alternative to X doing a walkout after we leave because we are feeling pressured to move out sooner than later and provide a date that we can’t entirely commit to (for context we are moving across the country). Landlord says he already told X he can leave and landlord will be doing separate walk throughs with both of us since our landlord ultimately determines if anything will be taken out of the deposit. This is news to us because X was framing it as if the landlord had told him he needed to stay behind and conduct his own walkthrough. We tell X and he still doubles down and says since he’s the main renter it’s his job to stay behind and fix anything that needs to be ect because he faces the most risk. However our landlord has explicitly stated that 1) he is planning to return the full deposit because the house so far looks good, 2) if anything were to be deducted from our deposit it would fall on all of us and not be taken from any one person’s deposit which is stated in our lease. X has told us if we can’t provide a move out date he will be forced to rack up a holdover fee by staying a day after the lease is up to make sure we have evacuated the unit properly. I’m not sure if that fee would also fall unto us. We tell him regardless we will be leaving before the end of the lease and he can do a walkthrough once we’ve removed a majority of our stuff, but he is still claiming it must be AFTER we have left.

At this point I’m not sure what to do. W wants to talk to the landlord bc they feel harassed to move out sooner since X has brought up multiple times that we are negatively impacting their ability to find a job, is threatening to violate the lease, and keeps asking for a move out date from us. I honestly don’t know what the landlord can do in this situation and would be fine with riding it out and letting X do what he wants and just suffer the consequences. However I don’t like that my partner is feeling that way, so if we can reasonably involve the landlord if this sounds like an appropriate situation to.

I do 80% of the cleaning and they are arguing over whether they should also be expected to help clean certain areas of the house. Since moving in Me and W have been the only ones who have cleaned common areas such as the living room, the dishwasher + oven, and shared bathroom. I’ve asked them to help more with certain chores because we couldn’t get to them as often as they should be and we are often met with defensiveness and attitude. I once asked if they could vacuum our stairs a month before a trip of theirs since I was planning on doing a deep clean of the house and they did only one set of stairs the day they were leaving at 6am in the morning.

I’ve sucked it up until now but it is becoming a concern since we are moving out soon and if something is left uncleaned it will fall on all of us. The dishwasher has been a constant issue because it will get gross and need to be cleaned. I have showed them how to clean it and that we need help with this specific chore and they’ve told me ok. Not once have they cleaned it even after I asked them to, but will complain to us that it stinks. I recently told them that I have bought dishwasher cleaner to address the smell problem and will be cleaning the dishwasher for the last time 1.5 weeks before the lease is up since that’s when we anticipate moving out. In return I just asked if they still use the dishwasher to just clean it out again before they leave. This created an argument about how they don’t feel like they shouldn’t have to ever clean the dishwasher because they rinse of their dishes before they load them in (so do we!). I had to AGAIN explain that regardless the filter does need cleaned from time to time because where we live hard water is a major issue and it’s stated in our lease that we are responsible for hard water build up and expected to clean with vinegar ect. Not to mention the hair and inevitable food build up that will accumulate. The argument switched from we shouldn’t be expected to clean to “we didn’t have time to”.

As I’ve stated me and W have done most of the cleaning and since they are refusing to share responsibility in mutually used parts of the house I’m worried we will be left responsible for cleaning a majority of our 3 floor house. I realize I can’t force them to clean, but I also want my deposit back lol.

I’m at a loss and I guess I’m just asking for suggestions in this situation if there is anything I can do here for either issue?