How do you make peace with a decision when both choices will lead to grief/regret?
I’m grieving a relationship I haven’t left yet, and I don’t know how to move forward.
My partner is genuinely one of the best people I’ve ever met. He’s thoughtful, generous, emotionally present, communicative. We love each other’s families and care about each other deeply. There’s no betrayal or cruelty or red flags.
But I’ve been building a certain kind of life which is specific in terms of where I want to live, how I want to work, and the world I want to be embedded in, and I don’t think our paths are compatible. We also don’t share the intellectual connection I’ve always felt I needed with a partner. He says he’ll go wherever I go, and I believe him, but I’m afraid that kind of sacrifice will eventually lead to resentment on both sides.
He’s my best friend, and the thought of leaving fills me with grief. At the same time, I’m already grieving the life I imagined if I stay. That’s with no fault of his, which somehow makes it harder.
I feel like both options lead to a loss I won’t recover from. Has anyone been through something like this? How did you move forward when there was no good choice, only two different kinds of grief? Was the grief/regret as strong as you imagined it would be?