Fuck my big chungus life (vent)
I think the loneliness is getting to me lmfao.
I’m 21 years old and have never been in a relationship, recently dropped a friend bc i found out they’re dating a racist guy & all i do is gt work, game a little maybe sew something and dassit.
I live in a (very white christian) small town in the Netherlands, majority of my friends live far away from me and online dating is just a painful experience 😭
The thing is, im a very outgoing person and love being around people, sure there are bars n stuff near me but then random guys try to transvestigate me for absolutely no reason.
Being a black gay fem trans guy makes me feel so alien around my cis(het) friends, they’ve got their partners yaaaay 😭😭congratulations 😭😭 It’s such a sucky feeling to “lag behind” yeah everyone moves at their own pace bla bla but when the people around u are building their life up slowly its hard to not compare urself. The labels i have do define me, positive or negative.
Also, aside from this. Ion rlly be doing nothing 😩 idk if it has anything to do with being off T but damn, there’s a forest near me and i could be going… but i don’t, i want to workout again, but i don’t, i want to draw again, but i don’t?!
I loveee having autism and adhd its such a fine combo 😍
Idk how to schedule working out when i game in the evening, bc when i do workout i do on the third floor on the loft & a family member comes upstairs to ask me what im doing 😭? Which annoys the fuck out of me and makes me want to stop bc i was disturbed. (What am i 5?) and idk at what time in the day do i draw and struggle with it turning out not great. Such stupid ass questions but genuine things i struggle w ☹️
Have also been feeling ugly recently for idk some reason, so i do dress up to feel nice but don’t go outside & waste the day away
Im so sorry if this is just a bunch of hogwash but i have nobody to talk to ab this trivial shit 😛