u/professorfennel

Title

I am 14 years old and outside of school nobody besides one person (Inconsistently) talks to me. In school, they call me gay, mess with my food, and make me eat disgusting things, and generally are a little mean.

Outside of school, I am completely isolated, except for one kid who sometimes talks to me, and I often have to initiate conversations. When talking (over the phone) he often ignores me and when he does, he quickly moves on to what he wants to talk about. Nobody else responds to my texts or calls.

Most people don't talk to me, either inside of school. In fact, most people only talk to me to ask for answers to whatever work we're doing, and I answer them. Outside of that they rarely willingly talk to me.

At home, I rarely leave my room and when I do it's usually to grab food. It's very hard to get up off my floor (I sleep on the floor much more comfortable than a bed imo) or out of my chair. My room is a mess because I cannot muster the energy or effort to clean it. The only things I can find the energy for are school, violin, plants, and gaming.

My screen time is usually 12 hours a day on school nights. I spend most of my time that I'm not lying on my floor on my phone or sleeping. I am constantly waiting for a phone call or notification or something. Most of the time, I wake up or look at my phone to see no new notifications. It's like that for weeks on end.

Now I have never once hung out with another person in person ever in my life (that wasn't a holiday or birthday. I'm not invited to those anymore anyway). (I've only been invited to 2 birthdays and 2 holidays and that was years ago) I've never watched a movie or a show with someone or anything. I'm never invited to hang out, or any time I try to ask if they want to hang out, they say "No".

I hear the stories of when they hang out with each other.

Or plans at school and I ask if I can join and they deny me or say "I'll think about it". At school, I ask to call them they say "Yeah" I call multiple times, and they don't answer.

I get sent images of them hanging out though which is nice.

I have never had a romantic relationship with anyone. I haven't had a hug from someone who wasn't my mother or close family. Same with a kiss. I haven't kissed anyone who wasn't family. In fact, I haven't been touched by anyone that wasn't family in a long long time.

I get angered when my sisters have their friends over. It's annoying to hear their incessant laughter and talking when all I have are my own thoughts. I also get angered when she's talking about going on trips with her friends or concerts.

My family has noticed this shift as well. My sister called me a lonely loser. My mother called me sad for being alone on a Friday night. Every weekend I go to my grandparents' house and they ask where my friends went they never hear me talking to them anymore. I think mt grandfather is becoming concerned about me as he asks "If you need anything just talk to me".

See, I play online competitive games like cs r6 seige roblox and Warthunder. On Warthunder, I have 956 hours siege 50 (started recently) on Roblox 3,000 hours cs 2 25 hours (started this week). I go to the park and stuff like that but it's boring. There's nothing to do besides watch people and walk around.

My sleep schedule is bad I either sleep 3 hours or 16 hours. I sleep all day when it becomes clear no one is going to call me or text me. If someone invited me to do anything I'd go/accept immediately. But that never happens.

I didnt know where to post this so ill post it here

So am I lonely/depressed?