Changing assisted living facilities and overall experience
Background: My 79 year old mother had two strokes in 2023 that led to a diagnosis of probable cerebral amyloid angiopathy. Following the first stroke, we moved her into assisted living as the impact to her cognitive ability raised concern about her living alone.
I live out of state but my sibling and aunt (her sister) live near her. I have another sibling who also lives out of state. I try to go down about once a month to once every other month.
Her cognitive decline has increased over the past year. She can barely use technology (including the tv and remote), and has forgotten to do many basic functions on her iPad. The assisted living does not help out with these matters - if additional support is needed, we could hire someone to come in and help her.
My brother recently also had a stroke and has been diagnosed with metastatic melanoma (for which he is receiving treatment). Before this, he was going to see her and help her as needed about once a week, but this has obviously stopped since the stroke. My aunt has also started visiting my mom weekly but I don’t want this responsibility to fall to her as she has been the caretaker for many people in our family.
My issues/questions:
My sister is frustrated that with what we are paying for assisted living (~6500 a month) that she can’t get more support with these small issues. I’m curious what others’ experience has been with this. Because her cost of living there is so high, hiring someone else to visit her weekly at $125+ an hour feels prohibitive. I also know my mom and she would completely underutilize this person.
I am finding managing things from afar to be too difficult and am considering moving my mom into an assisted living where I am located. I would consider a move to her state but my husband’s job makes it prohibitive. I’d also consider moving her in with us but we live on a third floor walk up and would have to move to accommodate her mobility needs (not out of the question but won’t happen soon). I’ve heard moving people with dementia can push them into further decline and am concerned about this but also don’t think managing her needs from afar couple of states away is sustainable.
Welcome any and all experiences and advice.