Pretty sure I just can't do it and I feel horrifically guilty.
I'm sorry, I'm super sad right now and just wanted to vent.
I think I could cope with pregnancy. Though it is a long time, so maybe I'm wrong.
But pretty much every other aspect of birth and post partum make me think I just can't do it. And that really sucks. I know that my husband would like to become a father that way. But I just don't see it for myself.
I never want to stop being me, and I feel like post partum and motherhood often strip so many women of their identity, while fathers often move through the world as they always have.
I don't want to lose control for hours or days of labor, I don't want people putting their hands into my body, I don't want sex to be painful, for any period of time. I don't want to go through all of that and then continue to sacrifice my body for breastfeeding.
And I hate that I can't just be like my mom who just did it because she felt like she was supposed to, it's just what you do.
I am very open to adopting, and my husband says he is okay with it too, but he doesn't want to get snipped "just in case." The just in case has to be if I change my mind, right? If it was truly 100% okay and what he wanted, I feel he'd have no problem doing it. I'm not pressuring it I just feel like I'm letting him down and he's hoping that I will change. And I don't know what to do about that because I can't lose him :(