Men Confuse Women Wanting Confident Men With Wanting “Assholes”
A lot of men in these spaces genuinely seem to believe women are attracted to “assholes,” but when you actually listen to how they define “asshole behavior,” it often just sounds like basic self respect, boundaries, and independence.
I have seen men argue that approaching women despite being nervous is somehow “fake confidence” and manipulative because women respond positively to confidence. But that makes no sense to me. A shy or introverted man pushing past his fears to socialize is not manipulation. That is literally personal growth. Confidence is often built through action, not something people are magically born with.
The same thing happens with boundaries. A man saying “no” to a woman, prioritizing his hobbies, spending time with friends, focusing on work, or not revolving his entire existence around female approval gets labeled as toxic by some people online. Then those same men internalize the idea that women only like jerks because the only alternative they can imagine is being a spineless people pleaser.
But most women are not attracted to cruelty or disrespect. They are attracted to men who have their own identity, confidence, direction, and emotional stability. There is a massive difference between a man who has boundaries and a man who is selfish, manipulative, cold, or abusive.
A man with a backbone is not automatically an asshole.
A man with standards is not automatically toxic.
A man who does not center women 24/7 is not automatically misogynistic.
And I honestly think a lot of the confusion comes from people treating male self respect and male selfishness as if they are the same thing when they are not.
There is a middle ground between being a doormat and being a narcissistic prick, yet a lot of online dating discourse acts like those are the only two options. So men end up believing women “like assholes” when in reality many women simply prefer men who have confidence, boundaries, and a life outside of chasing female validation.
Debate statement - men incorrectly interpret women’s attraction to confidence, independence, and boundaries as attraction to “asshole behavior” because many of them were taught that a “good man” should constantly center women and avoid upsetting them.
A needed edit: falling for manipulation or lying does not mean someone enjoys it
As I am sure, there are men who know they are being lead on and the signs are obvious, but still want to believe the woman wants him vs is using him for attention.
Just cuz you fall for shit, doesn't mean you like it.
And the argument that peoplr who fall for manipulation must mean they like it, should also apply that to men as they also like to complain about being lead on and manipulated or used for their money